WEBVTT 00:00:00.220 --> 00:00:04.520 As a church family, we're going to continue our series this morning on the ideal family. 00:00:05.180 --> 00:00:12.400 We're just a couple weeks into this and we have just a couple weeks left and going through this journey together I want us to recognize, when we talk about the ideal family, 00:00:12.600 --> 00:00:13.920 we're not talking about the perfect family. 00:00:14.260 --> 00:00:15.900 The perfect family does not exist. 00:00:16.340 --> 00:00:23.500 But one of the things that we have acknowledged together in dealing with family relationships, is God really creates family for a place for us to learn and grow, 00:00:23.900 --> 00:00:26.660 where our own strengths and weaknesses are as we relate to other people. 00:00:27.320 --> 00:00:29.810 Anyone can be Godly when you have no one else around you. 00:00:30.560 --> 00:00:35.460 But it's not until you have to deal with relationships that you really find how your heart is surrendered to the Lord. 00:00:36.100 --> 00:00:42.520 And a lot of times when we go through the conflict of relationship, we like to play the blame game on others for how we choose to respond. 00:00:42.860 --> 00:00:45.820 Reality is, you're not responsible for how other people choose to behave. 00:00:46.180 --> 00:00:49.060 But you are responsible for how you choose to live in this world. 00:00:49.060 --> 00:00:50.240 God holds us accountable to that. 00:00:50.660 --> 00:00:55.620 And so family gives us a great foundation for understanding where our hearts are surrendered to the Lord. 00:00:55.640 --> 00:00:58.880 And so when we talk about the ideal family, it's not the perfect family. 00:00:59.500 --> 00:01:06.600 But it's a place for us to determine in our own lives what is God call me to, and how do I live this out in the relationships around me? 00:01:07.920 --> 00:01:14.920 We've looked at this together, and starting with the idea of marriage and just relationship in general and talking about the Biblical picture of 00:01:14.920 --> 00:01:22.020 relationship different than the worldly picture of relationship, because the Biblical picture of relationship is defined in the idea of love and not just 00:01:22.020 --> 00:01:23.460 any kind of love. 00:01:23.460 --> 00:01:25.130 We talked about covenantal love. 00:01:25.440 --> 00:01:28.860 This idea of a love being a love of the will, not just a love of the emotion. 00:01:29.740 --> 00:01:31.720 A love that is sacrificial, unconditional. 00:01:32.500 --> 00:01:39.700 In 1 Corinthians 3: 13-8 it tells us it never ends.And then in relating to the idea of conflict, we dealt with not 00:01:39.700 --> 00:01:47.020 necessarily how to deal with every conflict that we go through, but the attitude to carry into conflict, noting if we carry the mindset of honoring 00:01:47.020 --> 00:01:54.280 the individuals that we're having conflict with, it may not resolve the conflict immediately, but the idea of honoring one another 00:01:54.720 --> 00:01:58.550 through the adversity provides the platform to work through that struggle together. 00:01:58.980 --> 00:02:01.080 And so in all circumstances, honor becomes important. 00:02:01.140 --> 00:02:08.160 In fact, we saw this in Ephesians chapter 5 last week when we discussed the idea of the husband and the wife submitting to one 00:02:08.160 --> 00:02:09.320 another as to the Lord. 00:02:09.320 --> 00:02:14.240 Our submission to Jesus is demonstrated through our submission really, to serve one another, for the benefit of the other person. 00:02:15.600 --> 00:02:20.300 When we think about loving Jesus the way God calls us to love Jesus, well Jesus isn't physically present. 00:02:20.400 --> 00:02:24.990 And so what God want us to do is to love what he loves and what he loves is people. 00:02:25.060 --> 00:02:26.920 He created the church in order to minister to people. 00:02:27.620 --> 00:02:30.190 When God calls us in the world, he wants us to care for people. 00:02:30.680 --> 00:02:34.420 And he understands that when we care for people, we even do that in conflict. 00:02:34.420 --> 00:02:35.560 When they're not always easy to love. 00:02:35.560 --> 00:02:36.880 That's what Jesus did for us. 00:02:37.340 --> 00:02:40.760 He honored us in our sin by giving his life for us, that we could find freedom in him. 00:02:41.060 --> 00:02:46.720 And carrying that attitude in the conflicts that we face in this world provides the foundation to move through them in a Godly way. 00:02:46.740 --> 00:02:48.020 And so, honoring one another. 00:02:49.420 --> 00:02:54.780 Today I want to discuss I think something that is vital for us as a church, especially where with live. 00:02:55.120 --> 00:02:57.520 Something I'm excited to talk about this morning and that is parenting. 00:02:59.880 --> 00:03:07.140 The reason I want to talk about parenting, we're going to talk about children, is that if anyone could find anything relevant out of a message related to this, it 00:03:07.140 --> 00:03:08.460 has to be the state of Utah. 00:03:08.520 --> 00:03:11.860 Because we live in the youngest state in America, right? 00:03:12.440 --> 00:03:15.160 I think the youngest city in America is Eagle Mountain. 00:03:16.000 --> 00:03:18.940 And so, yeah, I don't know what that means, but yay! 00:03:19.200 --> 00:03:20.740 It means there's a lot of chaos left. 00:03:21.520 --> 00:03:28.740 But we live in the youngest state in America, so understanding what God's desire is for children, our roles as parental figures, 00:03:28.740 --> 00:03:35.740 our role as a church family and caring for young souls, is vital to what God calls us to as a church and not only 00:03:35.740 --> 00:03:42.760 that, because we live in a young state, I think many of us and being in that parenting stages of 00:03:42.760 --> 00:03:46.200 life, we are actively seeking God in this topic, right? 00:03:46.600 --> 00:03:50.010 I mean you feel like you nail down one kid and then God gives you one completely different. 00:03:50.480 --> 00:03:51.560 Like, how do you do this? 00:03:51.580 --> 00:03:52.850 They do not come with manuals. 00:03:52.940 --> 00:03:58.520 I often joke when we had our first child and I walked out of the hospital, like, I felt like I was doing something wrong. 00:03:58.580 --> 00:04:00.400 Like, here I come, I'm responsible for this? 00:04:00.420 --> 00:04:01.640 You guys are going to let me leave with this? 00:04:01.740 --> 00:04:03.350 There's no book on how to do this? 00:04:03.480 --> 00:04:04.120 Right? 00:04:04.120 --> 00:04:11.180 And so, understanding how to raise Godly children, I think, is the place that the Lord really uses to drive us to our knees. 00:04:11.320 --> 00:04:15.500 Because doing that in a way in which God has designed us is really beyond us. 00:04:15.600 --> 00:04:17.220 We need the Lord to do that. 00:04:17.279 --> 00:04:24.320 I think of my young boys and Micah 6:8, just a verse that I keep in my mind 00:04:24.320 --> 00:04:26.010 for their lives, that I pray over them. 00:04:26.080 --> 00:04:34.260 "He has shown the old man what is good, and what the Lord requires of thee, but to do justice and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." And 00:04:34.260 --> 00:04:38.260 if I could just see that, the lives of my children. 00:04:40.000 --> 00:04:47.060 When it comes to kids, I want us all to think about our place to make a difference. 00:04:48.540 --> 00:04:55.640 I think about, in our culture today, when we think about all the things we 00:04:55.640 --> 00:05:02.660 choose to battle over in our society, like, politically, we pretend like, this 00:05:02.660 --> 00:05:04.900 arena, a lot of big decisions are made. 00:05:04.900 --> 00:05:05.910 Which there are. 00:05:08.260 --> 00:05:09.500 But can I tell you? 00:05:11.100 --> 00:05:18.580 I think the battle for what happens, let's just say in a scope of our country, doesn't necessarily or isn't necessarily 00:05:18.580 --> 00:05:24.120 fought predominantly in Washington, in our state capital, in governmental positions. 00:05:24.920 --> 00:05:32.580 While I think those are important, I think the majority of those battles are won generations before, in 00:05:32.580 --> 00:05:33.680 the shaping of young minds. 00:05:36.420 --> 00:05:40.900 If you care about the state of your country, the you should care about the minds of the young people. 00:05:43.480 --> 00:05:50.860 You have an awesome opportunity, especially living in the youngest state in America, with how you influence future generations. 00:05:52.760 --> 00:05:55.920 In fact, the Bible says it very plainly in Proverbs 22:6. 00:05:56.260 --> 00:06:03.480 "Train up a child in the way he should go and even when he is old, he will not depart from it." Like if you want the 00:06:03.620 --> 00:06:05.760 future to matter, start with today, right? 00:06:07.120 --> 00:06:14.720 The influence of what you do today, it's saying investing in young people, because it's shaping the trajectory of the decisions for the future of 00:06:14.720 --> 00:06:15.480 people around you. 00:06:18.000 --> 00:06:23.780 I think if we raise Godly people, leadership works itself out. 00:06:25.560 --> 00:06:29.360 I heard one say the health of a society is seen in the way it treats its children. 00:06:31.320 --> 00:06:38.420 Adolf Hitler is quoted as having said, I think this is even written in Auschwitz, it said that Hitler said "I want to 00:06:38.420 --> 00:06:45.440 raise a generation of young people devoid of conscious-- imperious, relentless, and cruel." He knew if he could get the 00:06:45.440 --> 00:06:50.080 young, the minds of young people, that he could change the trajectory of anything that he wanted. 00:06:52.620 --> 00:06:53.160 Children are important. 00:06:54.360 --> 00:06:57.970 In fact, let's just start with the question: how does God view children? 00:06:59.840 --> 00:07:03.080 In Psalms, in chapter 127, it says this. 00:07:03.480 --> 00:07:09.120 The Lord described the significance of kids, it says, "Behold, children are a gift of the Lord. 00:07:09.240 --> 00:07:14.840 The fruit of the womb is a reward." So God says in this verse that children are both a gift and a reward. 00:07:15.240 --> 00:07:18.820 There are sometimes they don't feel that way, but this is how God describes them, right? 00:07:18.820 --> 00:07:20.810 Children are a gift and a reward. 00:07:21.140 --> 00:07:24.480 "Like arrows in the hands of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. 00:07:24.820 --> 00:07:27.180 How blessed is a man whose quiver is full of them. 00:07:27.480 --> 00:07:34.860 They will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate." In this passage, 00:07:34.880 --> 00:07:35.360 I love... 00:07:35.440 --> 00:07:42.680 It acknowledges both children as gift and reward, but then it goes on to describe this relationship between really child and 00:07:42.680 --> 00:07:43.200 parent. 00:07:43.260 --> 00:07:49.130 It describes the child as being an arrow and a great way to describe a parent I think, you are a warrior. 00:07:50.320 --> 00:07:50.480 Right? 00:07:51.920 --> 00:07:52.720 You are a warrior. 00:07:53.460 --> 00:07:55.960 Arrows, you think about the description. 00:07:55.960 --> 00:08:02.980 Why would the author choose these two words to articulate in our minds this sort of, this illustration of what it means to be a child and to be a 00:08:02.980 --> 00:08:03.380 parent. 00:08:03.400 --> 00:08:07.860 Well, when you think about what an arrow is, an arrow needs preparation. 00:08:07.860 --> 00:08:13.440 You know, today we go buy an arrow to shoot from your bow and you just go to the store, it's manufactured nice and beautiful for you. 00:08:13.560 --> 00:08:17.800 But you go during the time of the Psalms and you probably had to pick it from a tree and shave it down, get it just right. 00:08:17.920 --> 00:08:23.380 So an arrow needs preparation, it has a purpose, and a target needs to be determined. 00:08:26.360 --> 00:08:26.820 A warrior. 00:08:29.300 --> 00:08:36.419 A warrior, as a parent, the job of the warrior is to discern the target, to shape the arrow, and to release 00:08:36.419 --> 00:08:36.700 it. 00:08:39.159 --> 00:08:45.600 A warrior in this sense is a steward of the responsibility of what this arrow's intended to do. 00:08:47.260 --> 00:08:51.750 I understand when it comes to parenting, like, kids have a mind of their own. 00:08:51.860 --> 00:08:52.000 Right? 00:08:54.940 --> 00:08:59.480 You as a parent, you aren't responsible for every decision that your child makes. 00:08:59.480 --> 00:09:01.980 Your not responsible, really, for the decisions that your kids make. 00:09:03.420 --> 00:09:09.620 But you do help set up the frame work for them to run that [inaudible 00:09:07] which God has called them to in this world. 00:09:09.700 --> 00:09:13.200 Like, they are going to make choices in their lives, some you will agree and some you won't. 00:09:13.200 --> 00:09:14.940 You're not accountable for those decisions. 00:09:16.860 --> 00:09:21.660 But God has you in their lives in order to prepare them, to launch them towards a target. 00:09:23.400 --> 00:09:28.800 And so the idea of a warrior is saying to us, look, a warrior isn't an easy job. 00:09:28.800 --> 00:09:29.740 It is a battle. 00:09:30.760 --> 00:09:32.820 And you are in charge of the outcome. 00:09:33.700 --> 00:09:38.680 But God has you in a place in their lives to make an impact in their world. 00:09:38.760 --> 00:09:43.600 By helping shape them and pointing them towards a target and launching them on the way. 00:09:45.940 --> 00:09:51.780 And as you go on that journey as a warrior, some of your greatest joys will come from your children. 00:09:53.240 --> 00:09:57.720 And some of your greatest pains will come from your children. 00:09:59.900 --> 00:10:06.760 So in thinking as God describes this in Psalm 127, how do we send those arrows well? 00:10:08.900 --> 00:10:15.960 Ephesians 6 gives us a foundation for, a base text, for figuring out how God 00:10:15.960 --> 00:10:16.940 calls us to parent. 00:10:18.140 --> 00:10:24.780 Some of us, when we think about our philosophy of parenting, we just choose to parent different than our parents did it, right? 00:10:24.800 --> 00:10:29.230 We just think, well, what they did I didn't like and so, I'm just doing the exact opposite. 00:10:29.400 --> 00:10:31.050 So we slam the pins on the other way. 00:10:31.380 --> 00:10:38.520 And some of us, we sort of just start parenting because we've been around parents, our parents were parents, and then we just start parenting and the next 00:10:38.520 --> 00:10:43.460 thing you know, you start to say things exactly like your mom said, or your dad. 00:10:43.540 --> 00:10:45.120 Starts freaking you out, right? 00:10:46.140 --> 00:10:47.960 Now how do we parent? 00:10:49.120 --> 00:10:51.120 What is God's plan for parenting? 00:10:51.120 --> 00:10:54.300 Well, Ephesians 6 gives this to us. 00:10:54.540 --> 00:10:57.950 God's plan for parenting [inaudible 00:10:56] to us begins with a clear target. 00:10:59.540 --> 00:11:06.580 When you think about kids being an arrow, Ephesians 6, God's focus for us here in this passage of scripture, he provides 00:11:06.580 --> 00:11:10.040 for us this target in order to send children on a trajectory. 00:11:10.100 --> 00:11:17.220 Look what he says: "children, obey your parents and the Lord, for this is right." When you read the New Testament, the only command given 00:11:17.220 --> 00:11:19.560 to children in the Bible, in the New Testament. 00:11:21.120 --> 00:11:23.060 "Children obey your parents and the Lord." Parents don't worry. 00:11:23.060 --> 00:11:24.620 We'll talk about this next week, all right? 00:11:24.620 --> 00:11:30.420 "Children, obey your parents and the Lord, for this is right." "Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment with a promise. 00:11:30.880 --> 00:11:34.740 So it will be well with you and that you may live long on the Earth. 00:11:34.760 --> 00:11:41.860 And then verse four, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction 00:11:41.860 --> 00:11:44.820 of the Lord." So what is God's plan? 00:11:44.820 --> 00:11:48.480 Well, he's providing for us a target here, in order to hit a goal. 00:11:48.760 --> 00:11:51.760 And he gives, really, two commands on verse four for parents. 00:11:51.760 --> 00:11:54.420 One is a negative command and the other is a positive command. 00:11:55.240 --> 00:12:02.880 The negative command he says, verse four, "do not provoke your children to anger." This idea of provoking means don't 00:12:02.880 --> 00:12:05.760 expect more out of your kids then they are able to give. 00:12:05.840 --> 00:12:07.760 Don't push them beyond what they are able. 00:12:07.760 --> 00:12:11.280 Don't expect a C student to be an A student. 00:12:11.460 --> 00:12:14.820 Although, if you know they are capable, maybe put the pressure on, right? 00:12:14.820 --> 00:12:17.880 Don't demand them to be an athlete is God has given you an artist. 00:12:19.020 --> 00:12:20.240 Don't over discipline them. 00:12:22.180 --> 00:12:30.300 But the positive command then, which is more giving us the target of where to go, says this: "But bring them up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord." The 00:12:30.360 --> 00:12:33.040 positive command here is this idea of bringing them up. 00:12:34.060 --> 00:12:40.430 In classical Greek, this word for bringing them up originally began with the intellectual understanding of a child. 00:12:40.660 --> 00:12:41.460 Training their mind. 00:12:42.200 --> 00:12:49.380 But as the Greek language developed, this idea of bringing them up came to represent the holistic identity of what a child was, 00:12:49.380 --> 00:12:51.080 their mind, soul, and body. 00:12:52.040 --> 00:12:57.700 And so the encouragement here for you is to consider when you raise your child, how you're bringing them up holistically. 00:12:58.980 --> 00:13:00.780 And so the question we ask then is how we do that? 00:13:01.740 --> 00:13:05.460 How do we bring up a child holistically, before the Lord? 00:13:05.700 --> 00:13:11.880 And he gives you the two words here: it says in discipline and instruction. 00:13:13.620 --> 00:13:15.410 You think about these two words, discipline and instruction. 00:13:15.640 --> 00:13:20.200 Discipline is about what you do, instruction is about what you say. 00:13:21.220 --> 00:13:26.840 So what you do and what you say deals with the developmental identity of your child. 00:13:26.840 --> 00:13:33.990 When you think about the word discipline, I think it's important for us to consider for a moment, sometimes we think about discipline and it comes with negative connotations. 00:13:34.660 --> 00:13:34.800 Right? 00:13:35.740 --> 00:13:36.540 Who wants discipline? 00:13:38.380 --> 00:13:38.580 Not me. 00:13:40.280 --> 00:13:44.240 But the idea of discipline defines its identity in the word disciple. 00:13:44.280 --> 00:13:45.160 They come from the same root. 00:13:46.460 --> 00:13:48.480 And so think about following after Jesus. 00:13:48.480 --> 00:13:50.240 Well what Jesus called was disciples. 00:13:51.920 --> 00:13:55.260 And so learning a discipline is about being a disciple. 00:13:55.280 --> 00:13:57.200 It's not about punishment, it's about development. 00:13:58.820 --> 00:14:05.140 And so what God's got in mind here is the development of the identity of the young person, both through what we do and what we say. 00:14:05.580 --> 00:14:12.080 And when we have children, I find that sometimes when we rear them up according to these two terms, sometimes we get it backwards. 00:14:12.400 --> 00:14:16.940 Meaning when kids are young, they can't take a lot of conversation. 00:14:18.460 --> 00:14:18.660 Right? 00:14:18.660 --> 00:14:20.020 Their attention span is not all there. 00:14:20.520 --> 00:14:27.700 In fact, the idea in a young person's mind of long-term consequences doesn't even fully develop in their minds until they're 00:14:27.700 --> 00:14:28.340 in their 20s. 00:14:29.320 --> 00:14:34.120 So when a child is young, saying less and doing more is important. 00:14:34.940 --> 00:14:39.800 And when they get older, doing less and saying more becomes important. 00:14:40.080 --> 00:14:43.580 Even when you think about teaching your child about God. 00:14:44.300 --> 00:14:49.250 When you start teaching your child about the Lord and who they are in light of God, it starts off very simplistic. 00:14:49.480 --> 00:14:50.780 They just need to understand who God is. 00:14:52.000 --> 00:14:53.940 And as they begin to understand who God is, what God did. 00:14:54.760 --> 00:14:58.360 But as they get older, they need to work through the process of why that is significant. 00:14:58.440 --> 00:15:01.200 So the child goes from who, to what, then to why. 00:15:02.320 --> 00:15:09.480 And so the older you get, the point of parenting is to start to release your child to build trust in the relationship, to give them opportunity to 00:15:09.480 --> 00:15:12.240 become independent, and you start to release your child in the world. 00:15:12.700 --> 00:15:19.800 And it becomes one of less rules and more independence, but you work with them as a parent to be able to understand the process for why 00:15:19.800 --> 00:15:21.000 they do what they do. 00:15:22.620 --> 00:15:29.740 And so what you say in this passage is, in order to bring up the child holistically in their identity, is both based on discipline and what you 00:15:29.740 --> 00:15:32.320 do, and instruction and what you say. 00:15:33.940 --> 00:15:39.100 As a parent, you have a target and a direction of your child. 00:15:41.100 --> 00:15:48.340 A target allows you to parent out of faith, rather than out of fear. 00:15:50.520 --> 00:15:52.600 God has a desire for your child. 00:15:54.060 --> 00:15:55.380 An arrow has a purpose, right? 00:15:58.340 --> 00:15:59.730 God's got a target in mind. 00:16:02.600 --> 00:16:08.390 You help that child reach that target, before the Lord. 00:16:10.220 --> 00:16:12.540 Discipline and instruction. 00:16:12.560 --> 00:16:17.280 It's not about our goal for them, it's about God's goal for them. 00:16:18.800 --> 00:16:25.920 And when we begin to move in that direction in our parenting for the sake of our children, we begin to parent out of faith rather 00:16:25.920 --> 00:16:26.900 than out of fear. 00:16:27.260 --> 00:16:31.600 When it comes to anything you do in life, fear and guilt are horrible motivators. 00:16:33.980 --> 00:16:35.160 They're not lasting. 00:16:36.320 --> 00:16:43.580 When it comes to the idea of parenting, when you compare yourself to other parents or your kids compare themselves to their friends, and that drives 00:16:43.580 --> 00:16:50.740 why you do what you do, the results are not about what God desires, but rather the pressure that other 00:16:50.740 --> 00:16:52.090 people put on you. 00:16:53.360 --> 00:17:00.890 Worldly pressure, you think of the idea of kids getting into Ivy League schools or being on the best travel ball teams or being the best dancer, 00:17:01.160 --> 00:17:04.680 athlete, or musician, or the best looks. 00:17:04.720 --> 00:17:06.140 Whatever it may be. 00:17:06.140 --> 00:17:12.339 It just, any of that pressure that you put on kids, and I don't think God is necessarily against these things. 00:17:14.460 --> 00:17:16.560 But if it's not who God made your child to be... 00:17:18.880 --> 00:17:24.280 What God's more interested in isn't so much in the activities of children, but rather in their character. 00:17:26.940 --> 00:17:30.460 God's most interested in what rests in their hearts. 00:17:32.560 --> 00:17:36.400 We can give all the experiences in the world to your kids but lose their soul. 00:17:38.520 --> 00:17:40.310 So you think in terms of discipline and instruction. 00:17:40.740 --> 00:17:47.220 It's the idea of how does this developmentally help my child become who God has called them to be. 00:17:47.220 --> 00:17:47.700 And that's great. 00:17:48.040 --> 00:17:55.080 The world has different agendas and different opportunities of availabilities out there to help my kid and directions that 00:17:55.080 --> 00:17:56.900 they may be designed for, they may not be. 00:17:58.680 --> 00:18:01.840 But the basis of determining those things doesn't begin by the pressure of the world. 00:18:03.180 --> 00:18:10.180 The basis of determining those things is just to simply look at your child and ask how has God gifted my child and where are there abilities and how can 00:18:10.180 --> 00:18:13.900 I help them become who God has called them to be, not who the world says they need to be? 00:18:16.300 --> 00:18:19.070 And use the discipline and instruction of the Lord to help them there. 00:18:20.880 --> 00:18:22.620 So how do you speak to your kids heart? 00:18:25.000 --> 00:18:29.640 If discipline and instruction are important, how do you minister to the heart of your child? 00:18:32.920 --> 00:18:40.920 I think one of the ways to help speak to anyone's heart, but definitely it will work with children is not 00:18:40.920 --> 00:18:44.240 just compliment the result of their behaviors, does this make sense? 00:18:46.860 --> 00:18:47.680 Your kid gets a home run. 00:18:50.060 --> 00:18:51.440 Your kid comes home with an A+. 00:18:53.320 --> 00:19:00.320 Don't just end your compliment with "That was a great home run." Or "I'm glad you got an A." I mean, 00:19:00.360 --> 00:19:05.460 if your kid is an A student and they bring home an A, they need to be challenged. 00:19:06.040 --> 00:19:06.920 Right? 00:19:07.320 --> 00:19:12.280 If your kid, in math, is a solid C and then they work their tail off and they bring home an A? 00:19:13.120 --> 00:19:13.220 Right? 00:19:13.740 --> 00:19:18.840 Little different, but you know what needs encouraged if you want to speak to the kids' heart, rather than just the accomplishment? 00:19:19.180 --> 00:19:26.440 If all you compliment, all you look towards in their achievements is the accomplishment, you're really ministering 00:19:26.440 --> 00:19:27.840 to a work based attitude. 00:19:29.240 --> 00:19:35.720 But rather than just look at the result, honor the character that got them there. 00:19:37.760 --> 00:19:39.380 "Son, I'm glad you hit a home run. 00:19:40.260 --> 00:19:42.000 But you know what makes me the most proud of all of that? 00:19:43.040 --> 00:19:44.200 Seeing you dedicated to something. 00:19:45.560 --> 00:19:48.240 Seeing you work hard, seeing the ethic it took in your life. 00:19:48.240 --> 00:19:55.340 Seeing how sometimes you didn't just go play and have fun with friends, but you're really focused on this and you wanted to achieve this. 00:19:56.820 --> 00:20:04.300 That's going to go far in life." "I see you've brought home an A and I know how difficult that's been, but you're 00:20:04.300 --> 00:20:11.420 diligence in this, if you take that same attitude that you took towards this A and you apply that to anything 00:20:11.420 --> 00:20:18.620 in life, you are going to go far." Speak to the character on the inside that brought out the result 00:20:18.620 --> 00:20:19.210 on the outside. 00:20:19.580 --> 00:20:21.400 Don't just speak to the outside results. 00:20:23.480 --> 00:20:28.440 And so you think about ministering to the hearts of your children, just recognizing, even in their failures. 00:20:30.700 --> 00:20:36.880 Finding a place to be honest in their short-comings and finding forgiveness, helping them process through that. 00:20:37.320 --> 00:20:44.360 As a parent you have to have a clear target and having a clear target, you parent out of faith rather than 00:20:44.360 --> 00:20:44.460 fear. 00:20:46.600 --> 00:20:51.660 But in order to get to this clear target, I think we also need to understand point number two. 00:20:51.670 --> 00:20:56.610 Point number two I'm going to turn to 1 Corinthians 4 to lay this out for you a little bit more. 00:20:57.120 --> 00:21:02.820 Point number two, if you think about in Ephesians 6 where it talks about discipline in this passage. 00:21:04.260 --> 00:21:11.320 Discipline and instruction is the goal, but how do we teach this discipline and instruction to our kids? 00:21:11.320 --> 00:21:14.990 1 Corinthians 4:14, Paul starts to lay this out a little bit more. 00:21:15.850 --> 00:21:22.880 You have to have a clear target in order to parent the way God calls us to do it out of faith rather than fear, and because of 00:21:22.880 --> 00:21:28.210 what point number two is, which is in order to do discipline and instruct, we have to practice what we preach. 00:21:29.360 --> 00:21:36.760 In 1 Corinthians 4:14, listen to this: "I don't write these things to shame you, but to admonish 00:21:36.760 --> 00:21:39.100 you as my beloved children. 00:21:40.940 --> 00:21:48.060 For if you were to have countless tutors in Christ, yet you would not have many fathers, for in 00:21:48.060 --> 00:21:53.720 Christ Jesus, I became your father through the gospel." So look at how Paul lays this out here. 00:21:53.780 --> 00:22:00.230 He says look, your child, I'm your spiritual father and because of that relationship, think about discipline and instruction. 00:22:00.380 --> 00:22:01.180 I want to see you mature. 00:22:01.720 --> 00:22:02.440 Look what it says here. 00:22:03.380 --> 00:22:11.460 "Therefore I exhort you to be imitators of me." The imitators of me. 00:22:12.180 --> 00:22:14.720 We talk about parenting with a target in mind. 00:22:17.380 --> 00:22:24.610 Sometimes I can stretch this out like, where is this target, how do we find that target, how do I know I'm not on the right or the wrong target? 00:22:24.800 --> 00:22:27.310 Like, I want to send this arrow, what if I mess this up? 00:22:27.760 --> 00:22:29.550 You know it stresses you out. 00:22:29.620 --> 00:22:36.740 But I think when we start to consider what Paul says about how we emulate that, I mean Paul writes both Ephesians and Corinthians, which we're reading 00:22:36.740 --> 00:22:42.320 from, practicing what you preach becomes important because of what Paul says here is that he wants them to be imitate him. 00:22:42.500 --> 00:22:48.000 Which literally translates "mimic me." Become mimickers of what I do. 00:22:48.000 --> 00:22:49.500 Do what I do, say what I say. 00:22:49.500 --> 00:22:51.280 Look at my life and emulate that. 00:22:51.520 --> 00:22:53.760 That's how you demonstrate Godliness in this world. 00:22:54.040 --> 00:23:01.160 And so when you think about with your child, kids learn more by what is caught rather than what is 00:23:01.160 --> 00:23:01.440 taught. 00:23:04.420 --> 00:23:05.260 Birds make birds. 00:23:06.640 --> 00:23:07.340 Fish make fish. 00:23:08.920 --> 00:23:10.020 You make little yous. 00:23:12.140 --> 00:23:16.230 Being imitators of what we do is important. 00:23:16.240 --> 00:23:22.100 You know modeling is a powerful tool to teach people, especially young minds. 00:23:23.240 --> 00:23:25.820 You know, since I've lived in Utah, I've lived in Utah longer than I've lived anywhere. 00:23:26.760 --> 00:23:27.280 But you know what's funny? 00:23:27.340 --> 00:23:30.650 No matter how long I've lived here, the question I get asked more than any other question? 00:23:31.520 --> 00:23:35.240 "Boy, where are you from?" Because I have an accent. 00:23:35.660 --> 00:23:37.640 I can't even tell I have an accent, but I have an accent. 00:23:37.980 --> 00:23:40.000 You might even see it at some point during this sermon, I don't know. 00:23:40.000 --> 00:23:40.940 Maybe you've seen it several times. 00:23:41.500 --> 00:23:43.380 I feel like I sound like everybody else. 00:23:43.820 --> 00:23:44.380 But I have an accent. 00:23:44.940 --> 00:23:45.880 I can't get rid of my accent. 00:23:46.820 --> 00:23:50.200 I don't know how I picked up this accent, like I watched TV as a kid. 00:23:50.280 --> 00:23:53.680 I've listened to people all over the country, but you know where I got the accent? 00:23:54.900 --> 00:23:55.480 It was modeled. 00:23:57.360 --> 00:23:59.440 It's how I heard mom speak in the home. 00:24:01.960 --> 00:24:02.820 I caught it. 00:24:05.100 --> 00:24:07.340 Kids learn by what is caught more than what is taught. 00:24:09.560 --> 00:24:15.080 And when you think about discipline and instruction before the Lord, you are the number one teacher in their lives. 00:24:17.120 --> 00:24:20.080 Parenting is an outflow of who you are in Jesus. 00:24:22.180 --> 00:24:28.320 Discipline and instruction happens in their lives because it first happens in your life. 00:24:29.940 --> 00:24:33.510 Kids see who you're surrendered to. 00:24:35.420 --> 00:24:42.780 Children are born into this world under an authority, but I think it's important as parents to demonstrate that so 00:24:42.780 --> 00:24:45.020 do you rest under an authority. 00:24:47.240 --> 00:24:50.840 You don't wake up everyday and just determine to do what you want to do because you're God of everything. 00:24:52.660 --> 00:24:57.880 There's already one that has that position, and he made you for a purpose. 00:24:59.880 --> 00:25:06.160 And walking in that purpose and discovering that purpose and modeling that for your child is important. 00:25:07.760 --> 00:25:14.720 And unless you have a walk with Jesus, the idea of determining a target becomes stressful, right? 00:25:14.780 --> 00:25:22.800 You hit a panic button, you go and try to learn as much as you can, but if you meet with the Lord, out 00:25:22.800 --> 00:25:28.640 of the outflow of your walk with Christ, comes and inflow into the life of your child. 00:25:31.040 --> 00:25:32.800 Your walk with Jesus becomes paramount. 00:25:33.140 --> 00:25:34.160 That's what Paul is saying in this verse. 00:25:36.560 --> 00:25:39.320 "Mimic me. 00:25:39.440 --> 00:25:47.160 Be imitators of me." Parents, I think one of the most powerful things you could do is let your kids see your daily walk with God. 00:25:48.220 --> 00:25:54.530 Even though it may be chaotic, sit down with your Bible in the living room where they're going nuts and just have your quiet time. 00:25:55.760 --> 00:25:57.580 Model that. 00:25:57.740 --> 00:25:59.080 Let them see you under his authority. 00:26:00.820 --> 00:26:03.940 Show them what it means to confess your sins when you fail. 00:26:05.140 --> 00:26:09.220 And you can go to your kid and be like, "look, I shouldn't have responded the way that I did. 00:26:09.340 --> 00:26:16.160 What you did was definitely wrong, but before you, I just want to confess and say it was wrong. 00:26:16.420 --> 00:26:21.630 I love the Lord, this is who I want to be." Kids learn from that. 00:26:23.580 --> 00:26:29.680 They just released some research, Ben Trueblood was the one that headed up the research on kids. 00:26:29.680 --> 00:26:36.760 They were trying to investigate children and what happens to them in the college years and why many kids, about 2/3 00:26:36.760 --> 00:26:41.800 of kids once they hit the college age, leave church and about only 1/3 of them return. 00:26:41.800 --> 00:26:46.840 And so they're investigating, what happens, why the kids do that, why only a third of them come back to the church. 00:26:47.260 --> 00:26:49.270 In the research, they noted a few things. 00:26:49.300 --> 00:26:56.400 They said one, they noticed that there was a higher probability of kids leaving the faith and not returning if their father 00:26:56.400 --> 00:26:58.070 didn't take their faith seriously. 00:27:00.840 --> 00:27:09.160 Two, they said that kids were most likely to return to church, out of all the kids they investigated, they looked at adults, young 00:27:09.160 --> 00:27:16.160 adults now into their 20s and their early 30s, and they said out of that age range, when they inquired what brought them back to church, 00:27:16.180 --> 00:27:23.440 like why all of a sudden did they make the decision to return to church after they left and they found that the most powerful thing they received was 00:27:23.440 --> 00:27:26.770 an invitation from a parent to go back to church. 00:27:27.880 --> 00:27:28.860 Invitation of a parent. 00:27:28.900 --> 00:27:35.040 So, you think even if a kid walks away from the faith that your influence over them has not ended. 00:27:36.340 --> 00:27:43.520 It's more of a wisdom role in their lives, they're not under your authority anymore, but that influence of mom and dad inviting 00:27:43.520 --> 00:27:48.660 them into the Lord has not lost its ability to be influential over them. 00:27:50.580 --> 00:27:57.760 And the third was this: kids were more likely to stay in church when they had three Godly mentors they could identify 00:27:57.760 --> 00:27:58.880 with in their congregation. 00:28:01.420 --> 00:28:02.200 You know what that says to me? 00:28:04.280 --> 00:28:05.910 How important your role is here. 00:28:07.820 --> 00:28:14.940 I think about the future of our church and the influence in our community, 00:28:16.600 --> 00:28:19.180 how important it is to invest in the lives of our young people. 00:28:21.040 --> 00:28:22.960 To show care for them, to encourage them. 00:28:23.240 --> 00:28:28.000 So let me ask you, parents, thinking about mimicking or church, how are you modeling? 00:28:31.990 --> 00:28:33.720 Mom, dad, how are you modeling? 00:28:36.220 --> 00:28:39.550 Do you express your frustration the way you want your kids to? 00:28:40.680 --> 00:28:43.120 Are you generous the way you want your kids to be? 00:28:43.980 --> 00:28:46.030 Do you serve the way you want your kids to? 00:28:47.080 --> 00:28:48.820 Do you work like you want your kids to? 00:28:49.400 --> 00:28:51.890 Do you love like the way you want your kids to love? 00:28:51.940 --> 00:28:53.980 Do you talk the way you want your kids to talk? 00:28:54.380 --> 00:28:56.860 Do you drive the way you want your kids to drive? 00:29:00.360 --> 00:29:02.180 You create little yous. 00:29:04.260 --> 00:29:11.740 Because when Dad drops to his knees in praying for the family, kids 00:29:11.820 --> 00:29:12.220 learn something. 00:29:14.760 --> 00:29:22.180 John White, I'll end with this, but John White was doing some 00:29:22.180 --> 00:29:22.820 discipling. 00:29:22.840 --> 00:29:29.860 He was part of InterVarsity and he was doing some discipling on a college campus and he went up to a young 00:29:29.860 --> 00:29:37.540 man and he started to talk to the young man, wanting to just disciple this young man and he asked the young man "what 00:29:37.540 --> 00:29:46.100 do you want to be when you grow up?" And the young man responded "I want to be like my dad." And 00:29:46.100 --> 00:29:53.020 John White, in talking to him, found out his dad was an engineer and he's like, "oh, that's great, you want to be an engineer like your dad?" And he was like, "No, I don't want to be an engineer like my dad. 00:29:53.680 --> 00:30:00.900 I want to be a Christian like my dad." He said, John White, in all of his years of ministering 00:30:00.900 --> 00:30:02.490 to college people, he had never heard that. 00:30:03.940 --> 00:30:11.040 And he went to that conversation feeling like he was going to disciple this young man, and he laid down his pen and he just started to let this young man share with 00:30:11.080 --> 00:30:13.760 him all that his dad had represented in his life. 00:30:15.460 --> 00:30:19.040 The young man said, "I have never seen a more loving, generous, caring soul in my life. 00:30:19.080 --> 00:30:25.040 I want to be like my dad." How does his dad do that? 00:30:27.440 --> 00:30:29.000 Can I just maybe throw out one thought? 00:30:31.140 --> 00:30:31.940 He first worshiped. 00:30:35.080 --> 00:30:36.020 He met with his Lord. 00:30:38.000 --> 00:30:42.560 And out of an outflow of who he was, he poured into his son. 00:30:45.200 --> 00:30:47.440 You guys, sometimes parenting is hard. 00:30:51.140 --> 00:30:57.800 But don't underestimate the consistency of getting up and being the example despite adversity. 00:30:59.140 --> 00:31:02.200 Even when you falter, you can still teach them. 00:31:04.260 --> 00:31:04.880 Speak to their heart. 00:31:06.360 --> 00:31:08.920 Discipline and instruction gives you the target. 00:31:08.920 --> 00:31:11.520 You're the warrior, they are the arrow. 00:31:13.540 --> 00:31:18.780 Discipline more when they are young, and as they grow, continue to help them think through why they do what they do. 00:31:19.760 --> 00:31:20.860 So number one, hit the target. 00:31:22.300 --> 00:31:26.480 And number two, keep worshiping in your own life so that you can model well. 00:31:26.720 --> 00:31:28.380 Practice what you preach.