WEBVTT 00:00:00.560 --> 00:00:05.720 With that, I'm going to jump into our series together on the ideal family. 00:00:05.800 --> 00:00:09.660 And just so we recognize, you saw this even the video, there is ideal and there is real. 00:00:09.720 --> 00:00:15.470 And we realize in the context of family relationships, when we talk about ideal family, we are not after perfection. 00:00:16.730 --> 00:00:23.860 God is doing something in us in our relationships that we understand that we are not perfect, but we 00:00:23.860 --> 00:00:27.020 want to pursue who God calls us to be in Him. 00:00:27.160 --> 00:00:32.590 And we started this series, we're focusing to begin this series on the idea of relationship and what God calls relationship. 00:00:33.060 --> 00:00:36.940 And we looked at this term called covenant relationship last week and what that means for us. 00:00:37.380 --> 00:00:42.360 And we're going to continue in that idea of covenant relationship as it relates to marriage and into conflict. 00:00:42.640 --> 00:00:49.780 So, that what we say today will affect not only just marital relationships, but the wisdom gain and the wisdom 00:00:49.780 --> 00:00:52.390 taught here, I think can apply to conflict in general. 00:00:52.760 --> 00:00:58.320 And then over the next two weeks, we're going to talk about children and family and what's God's desire as it relates to family. 00:00:58.380 --> 00:01:05.660 So we're spending the month of May discussing Godly family and what that looks like for us as God's family meets together 00:01:05.660 --> 00:01:09.340 to honor the Lord and honor each other before the Lord. 00:01:10.320 --> 00:01:16.240 But covenant relationship, when we think in terms of covenant relationship, covenant relationship is sacred. 00:01:17.440 --> 00:01:22.680 And it really becomes, for the life of the believer, and really for all of us, it's the basis for all relationship. 00:01:23.380 --> 00:01:30.500 Jesus told us in Luke 22:20, a new covenant I make with you, which was seen in the demonstration of the sacrifice 00:01:30.500 --> 00:01:32.940 of His life for us. 00:01:32.960 --> 00:01:36.500 He made a covenant with us, He cut a covenant with us, and giving His life for us. 00:01:36.760 --> 00:01:41.060 And from that covenant then defines all relationships for us in this world. 00:01:41.080 --> 00:01:44.800 He says, a new commandment that I give you based on a new covenant or that new relationship. 00:01:45.600 --> 00:01:52.190 And He says in John 13:34 and 35, others will know you are my disciples by the way that you love each other. 00:01:52.420 --> 00:01:57.400 And so our covenantal relationship with Jesus is demonstrated through our love for one another. 00:01:57.800 --> 00:01:59.670 If we love God we'll love what God loves. 00:01:59.880 --> 00:02:05.660 Jesus is intangibly with us and so the way we demonstrate our love for Jesus is caring for what Jesus calls us to. 00:02:06.000 --> 00:02:09.430 Jesus creates for us gifts and gifts call us in the ministry. 00:02:09.720 --> 00:02:12.340 And ministry is all about serving people, caring for people. 00:02:12.680 --> 00:02:16.720 And the greatest ministry you have is determined by the relationships around you. 00:02:16.720 --> 00:02:23.720 And if you're in marriage and family, those become the primary responsibility of the greatest ministry which God wants you to 00:02:23.720 --> 00:02:24.880 care for in this world. 00:02:25.260 --> 00:02:32.260 And the Bible tells us in Genesis when he created marriage, it says, through that relationship, it not only blesses one another, but it blesses the 00:02:32.260 --> 00:02:32.980 world around you. 00:02:33.660 --> 00:02:36.320 A society is only as strong as the relationships that support it. 00:02:37.560 --> 00:02:37.800 Families. 00:02:38.960 --> 00:02:41.720 I think it's why God calls the church as a family. 00:02:43.460 --> 00:02:50.600 And so through the covenant relationship with Christ, we're called into relationship with one another to demonstrate that love, and the Bible even said in Malachi 00:02:50.600 --> 00:02:57.620 2:14, another type of covenant relationship that we can experience is the marital relationship, all of which are defined in 00:02:57.620 --> 00:02:58.740 the idea of love. 00:02:58.780 --> 00:02:59.580 Agape love. 00:02:59.580 --> 00:03:01.180 It's unconditional sacrificial love. 00:03:01.500 --> 00:03:03.600 And we defined what love was last week. 00:03:03.600 --> 00:03:10.680 Love, Biblically speaking is not something that we fall out of, because love is a decision of the will more than just an emotional 00:03:10.680 --> 00:03:12.380 expression or feeling. 00:03:13.740 --> 00:03:17.300 Love never fails, it tells us in 1st Corinthians 13:8. 00:03:17.820 --> 00:03:24.860 And so the idea of a covenant is different than a contract, and a contract today we think contractually you're obligated with another party, both 00:03:24.860 --> 00:03:27.340 of you contribute something, it's a 50/50 deal. 00:03:27.340 --> 00:03:29.440 Covenantal love is 100 and 100. 00:03:29.960 --> 00:03:32.660 You're giving all that you are for someone else. 00:03:32.680 --> 00:03:37.720 And so you think in terms of Jesus, Jesus gave everything for you and calls you to lay your life down for Him. 00:03:37.740 --> 00:03:38.950 That's covenantal love. 00:03:39.400 --> 00:03:39.800 100/100. 00:03:40.400 --> 00:03:42.880 And covenantal love is not obligated on the other person. 00:03:42.900 --> 00:03:45.540 Jesus came and gave it all while I was a sinner. 00:03:47.160 --> 00:03:52.680 And so, marital love is the same as it's the idea of giving all that you are for someone else. 00:03:52.980 --> 00:03:58.070 And when you think in terms of covenantal love, the beauty of what that type of love creates is intimacy. 00:03:58.800 --> 00:04:02.480 In Genesis 2:24, the Bible says, two become one flesh. 00:04:02.560 --> 00:04:05.280 That was God's goal when creating marriage, where two become one. 00:04:05.560 --> 00:04:10.270 It literally in Hebrew means, you're glued together to the point you can't tell where one spouse ends and the other one begins. 00:04:11.980 --> 00:04:17.720 This covenantal, intimate, safe, security, hope, trusting love. 00:04:19.100 --> 00:04:27.160 And when you think in terms of covenantal love, what the Bible often does in reflection of that relationship is it regularly renews 00:04:27.160 --> 00:04:31.640 us in the idea of covenantal love. 00:04:31.980 --> 00:04:34.950 Jesus doesn't just tell us, "Look, I love you," and then that's the end of the story. 00:04:35.540 --> 00:04:42.560 When you read the 66 books that make up the Bible from the beginning to the very end of scripture, it's all about the communication 00:04:42.560 --> 00:04:46.820 of this covenantal love where God is in pursuit of us, even while we sin. 00:04:48.100 --> 00:04:55.100 And I think it becomes important because there are things that tear apart our covenantal relationship with the Lord and we often fall 00:04:55.100 --> 00:04:57.860 in sin and we want to know, "God, how do you respond to that? 00:04:57.880 --> 00:05:00.620 God where do I find myself in you? 00:05:00.640 --> 00:05:07.720 How is your love expressed towards me when I turn my back towards you?" And so throughout scripture you see this, God continues to call us to Him and 00:05:07.720 --> 00:05:10.240 loving us in Him and nurturing us in Him. 00:05:10.300 --> 00:05:15.320 In fact, the Bible is built on this idea in Nehemiah 9, look at this. 00:05:15.800 --> 00:05:22.840 In the book of Nehemiah, this is after Israel's turned from God, then they go into exile and Ezra is reflecting on the 00:05:22.840 --> 00:05:30.280 identity of God as they've come to know Him throughout the years, and this is what he said, "But you are a God of forgiveness, gracious and compassionate, 00:05:31.540 --> 00:05:33.800 slow to anger, abounding in loving kindness. 00:05:35.220 --> 00:05:40.860 And you did not forsake them." Is thinking about Israel and how they continue to turn away from God. 00:05:42.520 --> 00:05:49.000 Even when they made for themselves a calf of mold, you in your greatness did not forsake them in the wilderness. 00:05:51.920 --> 00:05:59.180 Israel found health in their walk with God by continuing to renew themselves in what covenantal 00:05:59.580 --> 00:06:00.280 relationship is. 00:06:01.480 --> 00:06:06.400 It's not just God saying to you once, "Look, I love you." And that's all you need to know, but every day. 00:06:07.940 --> 00:06:09.800 Every day renewed and refreshed in this idea. 00:06:10.920 --> 00:06:11.220 I love you. 00:06:12.920 --> 00:06:17.940 I'm forgiving, I'm compassionate, I'm patient, I want what's best for you. 00:06:19.320 --> 00:06:23.030 I want to pursue what's best for your heart when you don't even have the wisdom to want to do that. 00:06:24.440 --> 00:06:33.060 In Colossianss, when you think about the new covenant, verse nine of chapter three, it says this, "You laid aside the old self with its evil practices, and 00:06:33.060 --> 00:06:40.160 you've put on the new self who was being renewed to a true knowledge according to the image of the one who created him." So he's 00:06:40.160 --> 00:06:47.220 saying for us in Jesus, like, not only is God telling us in the book of Nehemiah covenantal love is 00:06:47.220 --> 00:06:52.120 here, but also reminder of you to reflect on what it means to be renewed in covenantal relationship. 00:06:53.660 --> 00:06:59.520 Joshua 24:15 towards the end of Joshua, Joshua gives this statement to Israel. 00:06:59.520 --> 00:07:06.560 He sort of comes to this precipice where they're about to make a decision on how they're going to take a step forward in life and he says, "Choose this day whom you 00:07:06.560 --> 00:07:07.080 will follow. 00:07:08.280 --> 00:07:10.360 But as for me in my house, we will serve the Lord. 00:07:14.220 --> 00:07:16.940 He's renewing himself in covenantal relationship with God. 00:07:18.060 --> 00:07:19.400 He's finding his identity there. 00:07:21.220 --> 00:07:27.660 And just like our covenantal relationship with God, it's significant to consider this way as it relates to marriage. 00:07:28.840 --> 00:07:31.520 The need to renew covenantally with one another. 00:07:31.600 --> 00:07:38.960 In fact, we often see the idea of vow renewals practice in our culture, because it takes two willing people to make a relationship 00:07:38.960 --> 00:07:39.520 work. 00:07:40.600 --> 00:07:47.780 And when you think about the marital relationship, just as God's people walk this earth, they go through all sorts of life experiences.Some are brought 00:07:47.780 --> 00:07:53.180 on them, some they bring on themselves, but God, where are you and where are we in light of you through all of this God. 00:07:53.360 --> 00:08:00.460 We want to find security, we want to build intimacy, we want to have trust and hope and that covenantal relationship defines that for 00:08:00.460 --> 00:08:00.760 them. 00:08:02.400 --> 00:08:05.540 And so it is with us, in the marital relationship. 00:08:06.820 --> 00:08:08.100 I mean, you go through all sorts of changes. 00:08:09.560 --> 00:08:12.970 Body changes, your metabolism changes, your hormones change. 00:08:13.540 --> 00:08:21.460 Kids introduced a new dynamic, you change jobs, you change homes, you change cities, but 00:08:21.500 --> 00:08:22.140 wants to be constant. 00:08:24.800 --> 00:08:25.220 Covenantal love. 00:08:27.300 --> 00:08:29.600 And the security of being renewed in that. 00:08:29.600 --> 00:08:33.960 I remember when I was getting married, I decided I was going to go to visit... 00:08:34.640 --> 00:08:42.100 within the church, I was going to talk to all these older guys that have been married for years and wanted to gather wisdom, and I went to one guy and 00:08:42.100 --> 00:08:45.100 I just said, "What's great advice you can give me as a young guy? 00:08:45.100 --> 00:08:52.220 Get ready, get married." And he turns to me and says, "I'm on my 19th wife." And then all of a sudden I'm like, "Whatever 00:08:52.220 --> 00:08:53.440 he's about to say. 00:08:53.460 --> 00:09:01.140 Okay, I'm asking for help but this is not the wisdom I want right here right now." Like I'm just thinking longevity here, maybe not 19 wives. 00:09:01.180 --> 00:09:03.460 And then as he started to explain I realize what he was saying. 00:09:03.500 --> 00:09:10.760 He said that, "Actually, I've been married to the same wife my whole life, but now she's about 19 wives different." Life 00:09:11.740 --> 00:09:18.920 changes you, but the thing that God desires for us in our lives is to experience the 00:09:18.920 --> 00:09:25.480 beauty of what covenantal relationship is with Him and marriage is designed to model that relationship. 00:09:25.880 --> 00:09:29.940 In fact, we're going to see that in just a moment when we look into 1st Peter 3. 00:09:30.060 --> 00:09:33.360 When we think in terms of covenantal relationship, life will rip at you. 00:09:34.440 --> 00:09:37.000 And so the renewing of identity in that becomes important. 00:09:37.020 --> 00:09:44.180 We think about family and raising kids and having a marriage, like, there's a few different ways you can operate, but I can tell you one of the most unhealthy ways 00:09:44.180 --> 00:09:45.380 to operate is out of fear. 00:09:46.780 --> 00:09:48.800 Like, it's about what you don't want to become. 00:09:50.260 --> 00:09:57.260 And so out of fear you just sort of respond to that, but rather when God talks about moving forward, He has a target in mind that rather than operating out of fear, He wants you 00:09:57.260 --> 00:09:58.220 to operate out of faith. 00:09:59.220 --> 00:10:02.740 And the covenantal love becomes the basis for that as life rips away a bit. 00:10:02.800 --> 00:10:08.700 In the book of Song of Solomon 2:15. 00:10:08.700 --> 00:10:15.760 When Solomon thinks about this relationship, if you ever read the book of Solomon, that's not a good family devotional book to go through, or to 00:10:15.760 --> 00:10:17.540 sit down and read with your grandmother anything like that. 00:10:17.600 --> 00:10:21.810 This is the kind of book that will make you blush when you're in a bigger group setting. 00:10:22.060 --> 00:10:29.220 So Song of Solomon that when they talk about their relationship, look how they describe it here in chapter two, it says, "Catch the foxes for us, 00:10:29.380 --> 00:10:34.500 the Little foxes that are ruining the vineyards, while our vineyards are in blossom." What does that mean? 00:10:36.540 --> 00:10:39.520 What's describing relationship as this vineyard. 00:10:40.240 --> 00:10:47.300 You till the soil and finally things begin to flourish and you can appreciate the product of that, the fruit of that 00:10:47.300 --> 00:10:47.600 labor. 00:10:48.880 --> 00:10:51.190 But when that fruit starts to happen, so does life. 00:10:52.400 --> 00:10:56.280 And foxes enter into that garden and they begin to pull at everything that you've worked for. 00:10:57.780 --> 00:11:05.180 And so in connection to relationships is to be conscious to the idea that, things in life are going to come towards your relationship and they're going to create conflict 00:11:05.180 --> 00:11:12.540 and they're going to run at it and without addressing those things, without actively renewing your covenant together, those things can rip apart 00:11:12.540 --> 00:11:15.630 what God desires to do. 00:11:17.440 --> 00:11:21.360 Conflict is a natural part of relationship. 00:11:22.780 --> 00:11:27.200 In fact, we all have conflict, it's what makes us similar as families. 00:11:28.600 --> 00:11:32.990 So we think about the terms of ideal family, we're not saying that you're not going to have conflict. 00:11:35.360 --> 00:11:42.460 Perfect family isn't a family that doesn't have conflict, it's a family that engages in conflict in a healthy 00:11:42.460 --> 00:11:42.940 way. 00:11:45.280 --> 00:11:49.960 Matt Chandler said this, he said, "Marriage is going to dig up some really dark things in people's hearts. 00:11:51.340 --> 00:11:58.420 Walking according to the Spirit, we can learn to love each other well, take responsibility for our sins and forgive as we have been forgiven, we learned to serve and 00:11:58.420 --> 00:12:05.540 sacrifice and submit in such a way that marriage becomes the real deep lasting joy it is meant to be as it glorifies 00:12:05.540 --> 00:12:08.850 Jesus Christ." Meaning, marriage is a great sanctifier. 00:12:09.920 --> 00:12:13.740 Left into yourself when you have no relationship in this world, you're a pretty perfect person. 00:12:14.220 --> 00:12:16.500 I am the greatest gifts to life. 00:12:17.100 --> 00:12:21.660 But it's not until you enter into relationship that you begin to realize there is conflict here. 00:12:21.660 --> 00:12:25.820 Like, under a roof with someone else, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, things come up. 00:12:26.700 --> 00:12:32.740 And what you begin to find out in the middle of conflict, what we tend to do as people is we start to blame others for why we behave the way we do. 00:12:34.100 --> 00:12:35.960 But let God hold you responsible for you. 00:12:37.560 --> 00:12:40.760 And that conflict starts to reveal what really rests in your heart. 00:12:42.500 --> 00:12:49.600 And when you're honest with that, God uses that as an opportunity in those relationships 00:12:49.600 --> 00:12:51.560 to teach you where you should grow. 00:12:51.600 --> 00:12:57.900 Look, when we talk about marriage, you're not responsible for how other people respond. 00:12:57.900 --> 00:13:02.720 When we talk about relationships, you're not responsible for how other people respond. 00:13:03.020 --> 00:13:04.020 You can't control that. 00:13:04.020 --> 00:13:05.280 In fact, you shouldn't put that on you. 00:13:07.200 --> 00:13:10.880 But you are responsible for how you react. 00:13:13.140 --> 00:13:15.240 You are responsible for how you choose to respond. 00:13:17.880 --> 00:13:25.080 Marriage is that tool that shows our own hearts where we truly are and how we submit 00:13:25.080 --> 00:13:26.060 before the Lord. 00:13:26.080 --> 00:13:31.380 And conflict is a natural part of life. 00:13:31.660 --> 00:13:38.580 I heard a story of a wife who went on a European tour where her husband stayed in the states, he couldn't travel and this was during the days of the telegram. 00:13:39.400 --> 00:13:47.020 And so while she was on a European tour, she telegramed her husband back and said, "I found a bracelet $75,000 can 00:13:47.020 --> 00:13:54.160 I buy it?" And he responds back in telegram, "No, price too high." But when they sent 00:13:54.160 --> 00:13:56.620 the telegram, they forgot the comma. 00:13:57.420 --> 00:14:00.920 And so when she receives it, it's no price too high. 00:14:01.060 --> 00:14:08.220 She runs in and grabs and you can imagine when she returns home how he might feel when he sees this bracelet while 00:14:08.220 --> 00:14:09.780 she comes shining in the door. 00:14:09.860 --> 00:14:11.000 No price too high. 00:14:11.000 --> 00:14:14.300 I mean, conflict is a natural part of life. 00:14:14.320 --> 00:14:21.000 It's not that escaping it, but God's desire is how you handle it that demonstrates where your heart is. 00:14:21.800 --> 00:14:29.040 And we look in 1st Peter 3, these first seven verses, this verse dealing with the marital relationship, this section 00:14:29.040 --> 00:14:32.420 of scripture is actually birthed out of conflict. 00:14:32.460 --> 00:14:39.660 In fact, if you were to just go to chapter two and read the very last few verses of chapter two, starting in verse 21, and 25, you'll see that it's talking about Jesus 00:14:39.660 --> 00:14:40.980 in this section of scripture. 00:14:41.000 --> 00:14:48.160 And it's talking about Jesus in the midst of adversity and how Jesus gives His life for the benefit of those that are actually coming against Him. 00:14:48.180 --> 00:14:52.960 How He lays His life down for the well being of people, even people that have considered Him an enemy. 00:14:54.340 --> 00:15:01.400 And then, from this example, Peter then launches into this section of scripture to start talking about relationships, and 00:15:01.400 --> 00:15:05.800 the relationship he begins with is the relationship between a husband and wife. 00:15:05.900 --> 00:15:13.040 So out of that section of scripture in 1st Peter 2, you enter into chapter three on the marital topic, and it's 00:15:13.040 --> 00:15:15.240 dealing right with conflict. 00:15:17.860 --> 00:15:18.720 And how do we handle this? 00:15:19.980 --> 00:15:27.580 You know, what's interesting about this section of scripture is that seven verses and six of them for 00:15:27.580 --> 00:15:30.040 the wives, and one of them for the dudes. 00:15:30.200 --> 00:15:34.580 It's like, ladies, you get a whole paragraph section here and guys, it's just one verse. 00:15:34.600 --> 00:15:40.910 I don't know what that's saying about you as guys, it's like, we got to tell you something quick, we got to make it short, and we got to get to the point here. 00:15:41.480 --> 00:15:44.290 But seven verses here related to the marital conflict. 00:15:44.400 --> 00:15:48.850 And some people in this portion of scripture have considered this a difficult section of scripture to work through. 00:15:48.980 --> 00:15:56.080 But I want us to really see how God uses this section of scripture to not really, I'll tell you why people call it difficult is 00:15:56.080 --> 00:15:59.200 that, they read this section of scripture and they think it's demeaning towards women. 00:16:00.300 --> 00:16:07.880 But I want to walk through this text of scripture and I want us to see how this section of scripture is actually intended not only to amplify the marital idea 00:16:07.880 --> 00:16:15.260 within our minds and help us in conflict, but to elevate ladies as it paints this picture in 1st Peter 3. 00:16:15.340 --> 00:16:22.760 So let me read this verse, it says, "In the same way, you wives, just like Jesus," Jesus is our example, 00:16:22.780 --> 00:16:29.800 "be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be one without a word by the behavior of their 00:16:29.800 --> 00:16:31.240 wives." So you see this in the very beginning. 00:16:31.820 --> 00:16:37.400 Even if husband in conflict to God relationship, there is a way to make an impact in his heart. 00:16:37.900 --> 00:16:44.940 "And as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior, your adornment must not be merely external braiding the hair and the wearing of 00:16:44.960 --> 00:16:52.100 gold and jewelry or putting on dresses, but let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, 00:16:52.260 --> 00:16:57.880 which is precious in the sight of God." Real quick, this passage isn't saying ladies, you can't dress nice. 00:16:57.920 --> 00:16:58.980 I don't think this is what it's saying. 00:16:59.120 --> 00:17:01.320 It's saying, make character the priority. 00:17:01.720 --> 00:17:07.859 Some people think it's all about the outward appearance, but there, I said last week, there isn't a cosmetic surgery for lack of character. 00:17:08.940 --> 00:17:13.349 And what the Bible talks about more than anything is the character that rests within your own heart. 00:17:13.400 --> 00:17:16.150 That's where real beauty is found and that's what God is concerned with. 00:17:16.780 --> 00:17:19.240 Outward beauty fades, but the inner beauty is what endures. 00:17:19.819 --> 00:17:26.920 Verse five, "For in this way, and former times, the holy women also who hoped in God used to adorn themselves being 00:17:26.920 --> 00:17:34.100 submissive to their own husbands, just as Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what 00:17:34.100 --> 00:17:41.340 is right without being frightened by any fear." I saw a guy read this once and turn to his wife and tell his wife, 00:17:41.380 --> 00:17:48.480 "You must now, I'm serious, you must now refer to me as lord." I'll let you guess how long that relationship last, but they thought they're applying 00:17:48.480 --> 00:17:49.000 scripture. 00:17:49.060 --> 00:17:51.360 I want you to know, that's not what this is saying here. 00:17:51.360 --> 00:17:58.700 In verse seven, "You husbands," here's your one verse guys if you can remember this, "you husbands in the same way, live with your wives 00:17:58.700 --> 00:18:05.860 in an understanding way as with someone weaker, since she is a woman, and show her honor as a fellow heir 00:18:05.860 --> 00:18:11.150 of the grace of life so that your prayers will not be hindered." Now, what does this mean? 00:18:12.660 --> 00:18:20.780 Ladies, when we read this passage of scripture, I think sometimes in 00:18:20.780 --> 00:18:22.740 a modern world today we... 00:18:24.540 --> 00:18:31.580 Let me just say it like this is not a dishonoring section of scripture to women, this is a crazy section of scripture when we put it in the context of 00:18:31.580 --> 00:18:33.950 our culture today. 00:18:34.680 --> 00:18:41.700 But this passage of scripture is intended to elevate the idea of women, especially in this first century culture, because what you see in this 00:18:41.700 --> 00:18:49.400 section in verse seven, as he says at the very end of this, "And show honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life." And 00:18:49.400 --> 00:18:52.600 so what he's saying about women here to men at the very end is that she's equal. 00:18:53.920 --> 00:18:58.240 She's a fellow heir alongside of you and the grace of life. 00:18:59.180 --> 00:19:00.280 Treat her as such. 00:19:01.520 --> 00:19:08.980 And so when you understand the context to this passage, it needs to be understood in the basis of, okay, so when we were looking at the male female relationship, it's 00:19:08.980 --> 00:19:16.100 not this demeaning of women but rather there's a different way we need to look at these first few verses because it's describing both male and female together 00:19:16.100 --> 00:19:19.260 as fellow heirs in Christ. 00:19:19.320 --> 00:19:24.000 And so, it begins the idea of this story on that basis. 00:19:24.000 --> 00:19:31.200 This mentality is what it means to be fellow heirs together in Jesus, and it starts for women on the thought of 00:19:31.260 --> 00:19:31.800 serving. 00:19:34.620 --> 00:19:36.620 Submission. 00:19:38.740 --> 00:19:43.780 How are we to view submission as it relates to scripture in our roles today? 00:19:45.460 --> 00:19:50.220 When it comes to the idea of submission, remember in this passage of scripture, our example is Jesus. 00:19:51.560 --> 00:19:58.720 Jesus at the end of chapter two is submitting his life for the benefit of others, and Jesus then takes 00:19:58.720 --> 00:19:59.880 the form of a service. 00:19:59.920 --> 00:20:05.180 Scripture tells us, Philippians 2, He lowers Himself, we see this at the upper room at the end of His life. 00:20:05.480 --> 00:20:11.170 He's washing the feet of His disciples, that's the lowest form of a servant and his household. 00:20:11.520 --> 00:20:13.600 Though He has the greatest authority in the world. 00:20:14.700 --> 00:20:17.680 Though He is the most worthy human being to ever exist. 00:20:20.200 --> 00:20:22.580 Yet He takes this position of serving. 00:20:24.620 --> 00:20:28.580 Sometimes in culture, we confuse position with personhood. 00:20:29.900 --> 00:20:32.020 And position and personhood aren't the same thing. 00:20:32.820 --> 00:20:37.880 Like, when you go into a workforce, there's all sorts of positions within the workforce. 00:20:37.920 --> 00:20:44.980 And sometimes you might be the boss, and sometimes you might be under the boss, but position is not the same thing as personhood because everyone within a 00:20:44.980 --> 00:20:46.100 company is important. 00:20:46.280 --> 00:20:47.980 That's why they hire those positions. 00:20:49.480 --> 00:20:56.500 And so when we talk about taking the form of a servant, it doesn't take away from, and Jesus as an example, the personhood of who Jesus is, but rather 00:20:56.500 --> 00:21:03.560 because of the power of His position, He uses that power to leverage, to serve others for the benefit of what God has 00:21:03.560 --> 00:21:04.420 called them to be. 00:21:07.160 --> 00:21:08.840 Position doesn't take away from personhood. 00:21:10.560 --> 00:21:17.560 In fact, I would even say it takes a powerful person who understands their identity in 00:21:17.560 --> 00:21:21.740 order to leverage that position to serve people in a Godly way. 00:21:23.800 --> 00:21:31.000 Like when you're in a place in life where you feel needy, like you want people to pour into you don't look to pour into others. 00:21:31.860 --> 00:21:38.160 But when you're in a place where you're filled up and you see the gifts that God has given you want to unleash those for the benefit of others. 00:21:38.180 --> 00:21:42.020 When you feel strong, then you get, when you feel weak, then you take. 00:21:42.980 --> 00:21:50.080 And someone is describing the idea of being a woman in a marital relationship is to see that position 00:21:50.080 --> 00:21:52.600 and the power that God has given you to influence. 00:21:54.040 --> 00:22:01.080 You think about the conflict that starts in this passage of scripture where a husband is in conflict into the word of God, and it's affecting 00:22:01.080 --> 00:22:06.320 relationship, and the power of the wife towards the heart of her husband to see a difference made in him. 00:22:08.440 --> 00:22:11.300 Position and personhood are not the same. 00:22:12.700 --> 00:22:15.980 And it's not taking this idea of inferiority to us. 00:22:16.040 --> 00:22:23.180 In fact, if I just painted a different idea for us, when you read in scripture, Exodus 3, it's the story 00:22:23.180 --> 00:22:23.940 of the burning bush. 00:22:24.880 --> 00:22:32.500 Then you can imagine maybe how the story unfolds where God talks to Moses in this burning bush, but before Moses goes to this bush, he 00:22:32.500 --> 00:22:39.800 sees this bush off in the distance and it's on fire and he thinks, "Well, just give it a few minutes it'll be gone." But as he notices as 00:22:39.800 --> 00:22:41.860 time creeps on, this bush is not going out. 00:22:43.040 --> 00:22:47.620 And so Moses is intrigued to it, goes to the bush and when he's at the bush, God speaks to him. 00:22:48.140 --> 00:22:55.200 And when you turn to the book of Acts 2, this burning bush speaking to God, Acts 2, the day of Pentecost, what appears above the 00:22:55.200 --> 00:22:55.440 people? 00:22:57.200 --> 00:22:58.040 Flaming tongues. 00:22:58.060 --> 00:22:58.540 Fire. 00:23:01.260 --> 00:23:08.300 I think for us that becomes an illustration of believers between what the Old Testament was to what the New Testament is now where the Holy Spirit comes before 00:23:08.300 --> 00:23:09.860 Moses, God speaks to him. 00:23:10.120 --> 00:23:12.820 And now in the New Testament, the Spirit comes in a flaming fire. 00:23:13.060 --> 00:23:16.730 And the Bible tells us, now the Spirit of God dwells in his people. 00:23:17.160 --> 00:23:20.280 What if in the heart of every believer today is a burning bush? 00:23:23.320 --> 00:23:29.080 God's done something in you to make a difference in this world. 00:23:30.280 --> 00:23:37.400 That exceptional thing where God comes and speaks to Moses, that power, that fire rests in the hearts of God's 00:23:39.820 --> 00:23:40.380 people. 00:23:41.660 --> 00:23:48.720 1st Peter 3, Peter wants us to understand how we leverage that power in 00:23:48.720 --> 00:23:50.820 the Lord to speak to the hearts of people around us. 00:23:53.260 --> 00:23:54.020 It's not by nagging. 00:23:55.680 --> 00:24:01.100 And Proverbs says, it's better for a man to live out of the home than with a nagging wife. 00:24:01.360 --> 00:24:02.610 It's a constant dripping. 00:24:05.020 --> 00:24:05.780 Rather in serving. 00:24:08.440 --> 00:24:09.600 How did Jesus reach your heart? 00:24:11.880 --> 00:24:12.830 Laying down Himself. 00:24:15.720 --> 00:24:17.880 Giving all that He has to love you in your sin. 00:24:21.200 --> 00:24:21.740 It's servant hood. 00:24:23.240 --> 00:24:30.360 You see in the story that Sarah calls Abraham, Lord, and if you consider the passage of scripture, I think what it's saying in 00:24:30.360 --> 00:24:36.720 Genesis 18 where Sarah calls Abraham, lord, Abraham comes home last minute and he's got a bunch of guests. 00:24:38.960 --> 00:24:46.220 And Sarah, in that moment, could complain, she could argue, but rather what she does is she serves her husband in that need, and from serving her husband 00:24:46.220 --> 00:24:49.500 those guests promise Sarah that she's going to have a child. 00:24:51.300 --> 00:24:58.500 And what they see is she surrenders and though that moment may not be ideal, you don't want dinner guests at the last minute, you don't want to worry about taking care of things, preparing all 00:24:58.500 --> 00:24:58.860 kinds of food. 00:24:59.040 --> 00:25:01.840 I mean, I can imagine all the extra work that involves in those days. 00:25:02.580 --> 00:25:03.230 But what does she do? 00:25:04.560 --> 00:25:06.440 Okay, husband, I love you. 00:25:07.780 --> 00:25:10.280 And this is what you think is important and I will serve you. 00:25:11.840 --> 00:25:12.620 And so she serves. 00:25:14.600 --> 00:25:16.020 She becomes an example. 00:25:18.220 --> 00:25:22.200 What I was kind of tell you, your words of encouragement and respect build up your husband. 00:25:24.460 --> 00:25:27.400 He deals with criticism, internal and external. 00:25:28.560 --> 00:25:35.840 If your husband's like most man, he's haunted with feelings of inadequacy, of failure, of struggle, of insecurity, 00:25:37.080 --> 00:25:44.340 of his masculinity, his strengths in life, and apart from God's words over him, your words 00:25:44.340 --> 00:25:47.860 carry the next powerful voice in his life. 00:25:49.500 --> 00:25:52.560 Pay attention to the words that wound him and the words that heal him. 00:25:53.480 --> 00:26:00.480 Because God's got you in a place in that position of service to speak life into that heart and see him become all that God has called them to 00:26:00.480 --> 00:26:04.780 be, even in conflict, and should I say, especially in conflict. 00:26:07.000 --> 00:26:07.920 Words of life. 00:26:11.240 --> 00:26:15.460 Emasculating your husband, it's one of the worst things you can do. 00:26:17.000 --> 00:26:19.740 I think with young boys, I try to view this with him. 00:26:19.760 --> 00:26:26.340 But I think with men in general, especially even as a father if you think about your kids or your sons, in the heart of every man is a warrior. 00:26:26.400 --> 00:26:30.240 And forgive me that illustration sounds a little cheesy, but in the heart of every man is a warrior. 00:26:32.280 --> 00:26:39.100 And when you come against that warrior to emasculate him, it will rise two things up within him, fight or fly. 00:26:40.660 --> 00:26:44.280 And if he fights, he's going to call his tears and he's going to look like a jerk. 00:26:44.360 --> 00:26:46.390 And if he flies, he's going to be coward and spineless. 00:26:47.560 --> 00:26:50.570 And those are the only two Godly options that a man can pursue. 00:26:51.220 --> 00:26:56.860 But when you rise up against the nag and pursue and put down, that's what you provoke within his life. 00:27:00.480 --> 00:27:02.650 God made a man for strength. 00:27:02.820 --> 00:27:04.060 There's a difference between men and women. 00:27:06.480 --> 00:27:08.160 Guys, God made you strong. 00:27:08.160 --> 00:27:10.720 You're going to see Peter use this example in just a moment. 00:27:11.820 --> 00:27:13.340 And what you do with that strength matters. 00:27:13.580 --> 00:27:16.460 Now, men and women are strong, but I think our strengths are in different ways. 00:27:16.460 --> 00:27:22.000 By and large physically, guys, we tend to be a little physically more strong than women in general. 00:27:23.020 --> 00:27:26.600 You also smell worse and grow hair in weird places, but there's difference. 00:27:28.040 --> 00:27:35.040 And using your opportunity to speak life, and it's hard to see that warrior spirit to be used for good rather than to 00:27:35.040 --> 00:27:37.740 provoke within him something negative is important. 00:27:39.140 --> 00:27:46.320 I like to think of it like this, I heard this illustration once where, you take a woman and you put her before a mirror and she starts nitpicking everything that 00:27:46.380 --> 00:27:50.360 she wants to fix with her body and she becomes conscious about that. 00:27:50.360 --> 00:27:54.680 Like, she'll see a great hair, she'll pull out her hair, whatever. 00:27:54.680 --> 00:28:01.180 She sees a new wrinkle, like she fixates on that one thing that she doesn't like and like, it becomes to the idea for her. 00:28:02.420 --> 00:28:09.680 But you put a guy in front of the mirror, doesn't matter, six pack could be gone, starting to wear out a little bit, 00:28:09.760 --> 00:28:16.840 but he looks in that mirror he's like, "I think, behind that one pack, I think I see that six pack." He walks out the mirror he 00:28:16.840 --> 00:28:19.500 thinks, Atlas had just grace through. 00:28:19.780 --> 00:28:21.280 Doesn't think, I think... 00:28:21.280 --> 00:28:27.360 My wife, she tells a story once in a while about women's retreat, every time we have women's retreat, she brings this back up. 00:28:27.740 --> 00:28:32.350 But I got through the weekend, all our kids survived, it was a wonderful thing. 00:28:32.580 --> 00:28:36.140 I remember I brought him through church and like, "Yes, we crossed the finish line successfully. 00:28:36.860 --> 00:28:43.980 "Here comes Atlas and as Atlas [inaudible 00:28:39]." And then she comes in and she tells a story she's like she's looking for the kids and she 00:28:43.980 --> 00:28:46.020 can't even see the kids. 00:28:46.060 --> 00:28:53.240 She's like, they come in the door and she sees some children come in she's like, "Oh, those aren't my kids," because dad did not do a good job at preparing them at all. 00:28:53.240 --> 00:28:54.940 Like, I come in the door like I'm successful. 00:28:55.300 --> 00:28:59.020 Listen, she sees like these are ragtag street urchins. 00:28:59.800 --> 00:29:04.460 "What did you do to my kids?" It's like, it doesn't take much to encourage a guy. 00:29:04.540 --> 00:29:10.700 They can see the strength in everything, Atlas, even though he hasn't lifted a weight in 20 years. 00:29:12.260 --> 00:29:15.390 But your place to speak in them is significant. 00:29:17.980 --> 00:29:20.980 Understand the midst of conflict what you do in those moments. 00:29:23.140 --> 00:29:26.860 It's important in how you provoke, and what you provoke. 00:29:28.860 --> 00:29:35.900 In verse seven He then moves on to husbands He says, "Husbands, the same way live with your wives in an understanding way 00:29:36.700 --> 00:29:39.720 as with someone weaker since she is a woman. 00:29:41.020 --> 00:29:47.420 And show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life so your prayers will not be hindered." Now, what does that mean? 00:29:49.000 --> 00:29:56.220 Like if you read this today, in our culture today it says with someone weaker since she is a woman, like she's weaker since 00:29:56.220 --> 00:29:58.480 she is a woman, what is this passage talking about? 00:29:59.120 --> 00:30:02.300 Well, what Peter is getting us to acknowledge is that there is a difference. 00:30:04.040 --> 00:30:09.280 In fact, the term husband and wife shows a difference, and how you move in the midst of conflict as a husband is important. 00:30:10.880 --> 00:30:18.380 "Husbands in an understanding way, live with your wives as someone who's weaker." What Peter is acknowledging here in the uniqueness of 00:30:18.380 --> 00:30:25.540 women isn't that women are weaker in the sense of inferiority, but rather he's using a term to describe 00:30:25.540 --> 00:30:27.180 the elegance of who a woman is. 00:30:29.180 --> 00:30:36.460 What he's saying is, look here brute, you come like a China and a China shop, but she is that elegant beautiful vase to be admired 00:30:36.460 --> 00:30:36.960 within the home. 00:30:38.720 --> 00:30:45.760 I mean, there are regular things within your house that you just use on daily basis you don't care much for you know they're going to wear out, but then when you come into a home, like when a 00:30:45.760 --> 00:30:52.370 home has something valuable you want to display, you put it on a pedestal so when people come in they can recognize the beauty of what it is. 00:30:53.500 --> 00:30:54.020 You honor it. 00:30:55.400 --> 00:30:55.960 You respect it. 00:30:57.840 --> 00:31:02.940 When Peter describes the idea of a wife here, he's saying, look, don't treat her like one of the dudes. 00:31:04.600 --> 00:31:10.100 She is an ornate beautiful design, a vase of beauty within your home. 00:31:11.200 --> 00:31:13.500 And then he goes on and says like this, since she is the woman. 00:31:16.220 --> 00:31:22.960 When Peter uses this word, I think he's intending to provoke us to the very beginning when this word was used in scripture. 00:31:23.980 --> 00:31:25.750 Remember, we talked about this last week. 00:31:27.300 --> 00:31:31.780 Adam is all alone and he goes through the Garden of Eden and he names all the animals and he gets to the end, and he's alone. 00:31:33.200 --> 00:31:39.330 And he realizes all these animals in the kingdom have a pair, but where's the one that relates to me? 00:31:40.800 --> 00:31:42.280 And then God creates woman. 00:31:44.980 --> 00:31:52.220 And Adam's response, his first words to Eve is to sing over her, because 00:31:52.220 --> 00:31:52.760 she's a gift. 00:31:54.660 --> 00:32:01.920 And so when you consider the thought of how scripture begins to introduce the idea of woman to us, different than a cultural mentality might 00:32:01.920 --> 00:32:09.340 have today, it's the beautiful gift of what she is that God recognizes the need within your life, and he delivers this woman 00:32:09.340 --> 00:32:13.120 to experience that oneness. 00:32:14.600 --> 00:32:21.640 And so, in that understanding when you read this passage of scripture is saying, as this beautiful vase, remember, she is a gift given to 00:32:21.640 --> 00:32:22.000 you. 00:32:24.760 --> 00:32:31.840 Therefore, He describes how to respond, and show her honor as a fellow 00:32:31.840 --> 00:32:33.980 heir of the grace of life so that your prayers will not be hindered. 00:32:37.000 --> 00:32:44.100 When we choose to not respond in conflict in a healthy way, both Ephesians and 00:32:44.100 --> 00:32:49.060 the book of Peter, 1st Peter, describe for us the result of this. 00:32:49.060 --> 00:32:56.080 Like, when conflict happens in our relationships, Peter focuses then at the end of this he's saying, look, in Ephesians 5 00:32:56.080 --> 00:33:02.040 for Paul and 1st Peter 3, look, that both of you are a gift to one another that you are to submit. 00:33:02.140 --> 00:33:04.200 That's the word that's used continuously throughout these books. 00:33:04.420 --> 00:33:08.930 Submit to one another for the benefit of each other, the well being of each other. 00:33:08.940 --> 00:33:14.720 When you refuse to do this, here's what happens in 1st Peter 7, is your prayers will be hindered. 00:33:16.400 --> 00:33:23.480 Like, look, when you respond in relational conflict, it's important to know that your relationship to your spouse 00:33:23.480 --> 00:33:27.300 or really to anyone is not disconnected from your relationship with God. 00:33:28.620 --> 00:33:30.280 You don't treat these as two exclusive things. 00:33:31.640 --> 00:33:33.380 They're interconnected with one another. 00:33:34.440 --> 00:33:39.140 And so how you choose to respond in those moments becomes important because it directly affects your walk with God. 00:33:41.140 --> 00:33:43.960 Husbands, she's a gift. 00:33:46.060 --> 00:33:50.120 In the midst of conflict, she's a gift. 00:33:52.140 --> 00:33:56.300 In the midst of conflict, Jesus gave His life to help you become all that He's called you to be. 00:33:57.920 --> 00:33:58.890 And now you're in the position. 00:34:00.240 --> 00:34:00.800 She's a gift. 00:34:03.420 --> 00:34:06.460 It will affect your walk with God. 00:34:07.040 --> 00:34:08.330 Think about how you respond. 00:34:10.020 --> 00:34:12.460 It's interconnected because God's about relationships. 00:34:12.600 --> 00:34:14.659 And if you love God, you love what God loves. 00:34:14.659 --> 00:34:18.400 And what God loves people, and as people the most important relationship is to your spouse. 00:34:20.639 --> 00:34:25.280 You can't control how they respond, but you can control how you respond. 00:34:27.440 --> 00:34:30.010 Honor the Lord in that relationship because she is a gift. 00:34:31.699 --> 00:34:35.159 And honoring the Lord in that relationship you also honor her. 00:34:35.159 --> 00:34:42.060 In fact, Ephesians says it like this, instead of just focusing on relationship with God, he says it like this, "Be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. 00:34:42.139 --> 00:34:44.080 Wives be subject to your own husband's as to the Lord. 00:34:44.280 --> 00:34:49.290 Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her." So you see there's submission. 00:34:50.260 --> 00:34:57.300 And he goes on he says in Ephesians 5:28, "So husbands also ought to 00:34:57.300 --> 00:34:59.380 love their own wives as their own bodies. 00:34:59.720 --> 00:35:06.840 He who loves his own wife loves himself for no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church because we 00:35:06.840 --> 00:35:13.840 are members of his body." So when you negatively respond to your spouse, not only are you affecting your 00:35:13.840 --> 00:35:16.500 spouse, you're really affecting you. 00:35:18.140 --> 00:35:18.920 Two become one flesh. 00:35:21.100 --> 00:35:28.220 How you respond in those moments matters, because it affects your relationship with God, 00:35:29.860 --> 00:35:34.140 it affects your spouse, and ultimately, it affects you. 00:35:35.400 --> 00:35:37.540 Doing harm to them is doing harm to you. 00:35:39.220 --> 00:35:41.580 So how do we respond in conflict? 00:35:43.880 --> 00:35:47.580 I think that the end of 1st Peter 3 gives us one word. 00:35:48.020 --> 00:35:53.040 I just gave us this word this morning and made it the key focus of what we're about in conflict. 00:35:53.360 --> 00:35:55.080 I think this makes the difference in the world. 00:35:57.440 --> 00:36:01.760 It's not to say, look, if you do this one word that all your conflicts are going to go away. 00:36:03.340 --> 00:36:08.660 But it is to say if you do this word, it will help you in every conflict that comes your way. 00:36:09.500 --> 00:36:13.420 In fact, it sets a precedent to tackle all the conflicts your future holds. 00:36:14.900 --> 00:36:23.880 And here's what it says, "Husband's in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding why." Remember 00:36:25.100 --> 00:36:26.260 it starts in verse one. 00:36:26.380 --> 00:36:32.220 "Likewise, wives do this, submit," because Jesus is your example. 00:36:32.320 --> 00:36:32.530 And he submitted. 00:36:34.140 --> 00:36:36.240 And now it's saying in verse seven, husbands, same thing. 00:36:37.300 --> 00:36:37.760 Same thing here. 00:36:39.140 --> 00:36:39.240 Submit. 00:36:41.720 --> 00:36:49.160 When we think about relationships, I believe in what's called federal headship, which means at the end of the day, God does hold someone responsible 00:36:49.240 --> 00:36:50.440 and I think he looks to the husband. 00:36:51.440 --> 00:36:56.810 Ephesians 5:23-25, it talks about just as Christ is the head of church so the husband is the head of the wife. 00:36:56.840 --> 00:36:58.480 This is what this means. 00:36:59.180 --> 00:37:01.810 In a company, everyone has a responsibility. 00:37:02.480 --> 00:37:06.060 By the end of the day if the company goes awry, the boss is on the line here. 00:37:07.380 --> 00:37:14.580 And we see in the book of Genesis when husband and wife in the beginning, Eve eats the apple, then Adam eats the apple, then God comes in the garden. 00:37:14.840 --> 00:37:20.820 He's like, "Eve, what did you do?" And she's like, "The serpent tricked me." He's like, "Adam, what did you do?" He's like, "My wife tricked me." Everyone's trying to blame someone else. 00:37:22.060 --> 00:37:29.260 And so God says, "Okay, look Adam, the husband is the head of the home just as Christ is the head of the church." So if you want to know at the end of the day whose butts on the line, it's 00:37:29.260 --> 00:37:29.740 yours. 00:37:30.520 --> 00:37:32.930 But it doesn't necessitate that all of us are without responsibility. 00:37:34.780 --> 00:37:42.080 And so I believe in federal headship, but what's expressed in the marital relationship throughout all of scripture starting 00:37:42.080 --> 00:37:45.140 in Ephesians 5:21, submit to one another. 00:37:46.840 --> 00:37:50.800 And then it starts talking about the wife, wives submit, and then it starts talking about the husband, husbands submit. 00:37:51.000 --> 00:37:58.140 So there is this mutual submission to each other to help both of them become all that God has called you to be, and then in the midst of that submission it recognizes the gift that 00:37:58.140 --> 00:37:59.620 is, the wife. 00:37:59.700 --> 00:38:00.380 Why? 00:38:00.380 --> 00:38:07.520 "Husbands in the same way live with your wives in an understanding way," there's idea of submission, "as with someone weaker since she is a woman." And then it says this, here's 00:38:07.520 --> 00:38:08.100 your word, ready? 00:38:09.640 --> 00:38:17.020 "And show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life." Show 00:38:17.020 --> 00:38:17.440 her honor. 00:38:21.340 --> 00:38:25.790 1st Peter 3:1-6, it tells us what to do. 00:38:26.540 --> 00:38:26.840 Submit. 00:38:29.140 --> 00:38:30.920 But in verse seven now, it tells us why. 00:38:33.160 --> 00:38:34.280 Because your job is to honor. 00:38:36.700 --> 00:38:39.060 Your responsibility in that relationship is to honor. 00:38:41.300 --> 00:38:42.120 She's a vase. 00:38:43.420 --> 00:38:43.980 She's a gift. 00:38:45.860 --> 00:38:46.780 Wives the same thing. 00:38:48.540 --> 00:38:49.060 Honor. 00:38:50.440 --> 00:38:56.640 The goal isn't just submit for the sake of submitting, that submission has a purpose, and that purpose is to honor. 00:38:58.740 --> 00:39:06.400 When we honor one another especially in conflict, it helps us rather than to go at each other, 00:39:06.760 --> 00:39:10.010 to walk with one another because you are for each other. 00:39:10.820 --> 00:39:17.940 The reasons why we strive to honor our spouse above the conflict or the problem is, you don't need encouragement to make your 00:39:17.940 --> 00:39:19.160 frustrations a priority. 00:39:20.680 --> 00:39:21.980 We naturally do that as people. 00:39:21.980 --> 00:39:25.260 When things bug you, it's just in your brain, you can't get rid of it. 00:39:25.280 --> 00:39:28.860 All that you think about is trying to remove that conflict that exists. 00:39:28.880 --> 00:39:30.400 We naturally think about those things. 00:39:31.800 --> 00:39:37.460 However, honor and dishonor is where the relationship goes distant or close. 00:39:38.940 --> 00:39:42.280 I mean, to look at your spouse and say, "Look, I don't like this is hard. 00:39:42.780 --> 00:39:45.280 But I love you, I care for you. 00:39:45.280 --> 00:39:52.600 I want to honor you." It doesn't necessarily tell you how to solve the conflict, but it tells you the way to pursue this conflict together until you get the conflict solved. 00:39:53.260 --> 00:39:56.420 The last thing I'm going to do, I'm not going to make my priority just to produce results. 00:39:57.840 --> 00:40:01.320 The last thing I want to do in the midst of this conflict is dishonor you. 00:40:04.720 --> 00:40:08.160 Because if I lose you, I lose everything. 00:40:10.720 --> 00:40:11.920 Life is about relationship. 00:40:13.880 --> 00:40:16.420 Relationship with God, relationship with one another. 00:40:16.760 --> 00:40:23.840 I mean, you can go into conflict and you can win the battle, but when you don't honor you lose their 00:40:23.840 --> 00:40:24.100 heart. 00:40:27.300 --> 00:40:31.840 Because all day long you can come in like a brute, this is what Peter is saying in this passage of scripture. 00:40:31.920 --> 00:40:40.400 Husbands, you come in and in your strength you can dominate, and yeah, you can get them to do what you want and 00:40:40.400 --> 00:40:40.860 lose her heart. 00:40:43.680 --> 00:40:44.360 She's to be honored. 00:40:46.800 --> 00:40:56.400 Wife, husband may bring guests home late and that might really frustrate you, but 00:40:56.400 --> 00:40:57.150 how do you win his heart? 00:41:00.260 --> 00:41:00.740 Honor. 00:41:03.220 --> 00:41:06.820 We make the conflict the issue to the detriment of relationship. 00:41:07.740 --> 00:41:11.660 But for God, God's not interested in the result, He's interested in the people, in the process. 00:41:13.980 --> 00:41:14.810 How did you get to the result? 00:41:16.500 --> 00:41:17.380 What was your pursuit? 00:41:19.000 --> 00:41:26.060 The reason we often lose in conflict is because when we get into conflict there is something about that I am frustrated with, I am angry about this, I need 00:41:26.060 --> 00:41:26.680 this to happen. 00:41:26.940 --> 00:41:34.140 And so in the rage because we want to push things through, because we are the center of the universe, we force everyone else away to get 00:41:34.140 --> 00:41:38.300 what we wantAd the result. 00:41:40.320 --> 00:41:40.680 Hearts are distant. 00:41:42.780 --> 00:41:46.200 Relationships are pushed apart because honor was lost. 00:41:49.160 --> 00:41:57.280 But when we honor each other because of covenantal relationship, what we're saying is, this is more important than 00:41:57.280 --> 00:41:57.520 the result. 00:41:58.860 --> 00:42:04.760 The result is important, but the relationship God's given you, that's what he calls the gift. 00:42:07.540 --> 00:42:10.600 So this idea of submission is for the purpose of honor. 00:42:10.620 --> 00:42:13.880 We go wrong in conflict when we react rather than respond. 00:42:13.880 --> 00:42:21.490 When we react, when we make it personal, when we make it personal we go for the person's character, when we go for the person's character, we tear them down and hurt people, 00:42:21.600 --> 00:42:22.340 end up hurting people. 00:42:24.940 --> 00:42:25.800 Here's the reality in conflict. 00:42:27.260 --> 00:42:29.300 We don't always solve everything the first time. 00:42:30.520 --> 00:42:39.860 Like you enter in a conflict and most likely you disagree over something and the first time you talk it out, you probably walk away still disagreeing with it, but 00:42:39.900 --> 00:42:47.520 when you honor each other through it, even though you might not resolve it in the first conversation, if you honor each other through it, you 00:42:47.580 --> 00:42:51.690 always leave the door open to continue the discussion moving forward. 00:42:52.620 --> 00:42:59.680 And not only do you leave the door open to continue the discussion moving forward, you set the pattern for how you're going to address conflict 00:42:59.680 --> 00:43:00.600 in the future. 00:43:01.860 --> 00:43:04.520 You see this is what happens in our lives when we get jaded when we get bitter. 00:43:05.540 --> 00:43:07.710 It's easy in conflict to go there. 00:43:07.960 --> 00:43:09.130 You know what I'm saying? 00:43:09.260 --> 00:43:16.280 Like, you get into an argument with someone and all of a sudden you set a pattern and now every time you get in a discussion with them, it just immediately like throwing gasoline on 00:43:16.280 --> 00:43:16.960 the fire. 00:43:18.360 --> 00:43:19.220 Why? 00:43:20.540 --> 00:43:24.940 Because your priority you stop thinking about them, and your priority became just getting what you want. 00:43:26.580 --> 00:43:33.630 And so there becomes a need within the idea of covenantal relationship and honor just to retrain our hearts and our minds to help one another in that relationship, 00:43:35.480 --> 00:43:38.220 and [inaudible 00:43:36] we're going to do a closing song, [inaudible 00:43:37] too long. 00:43:38.860 --> 00:43:39.760 But let me just say this real quick. 00:43:42.600 --> 00:43:47.140 There's two ways, if you think about, how can I honor, how can I help in conflict and relationship? 00:43:48.040 --> 00:43:50.100 There's two ways that are I think, helpful. 00:43:50.160 --> 00:43:54.600 One is Emerson Eggerichs who did Love and Respect he calls it the crazy cycle. 00:43:54.660 --> 00:44:00.000 He plays it off of Ephesians 5, he says, "Wives are called to respect the husbands, husband's called to love their wives. 00:44:00.300 --> 00:44:02.500 When a husband's not respected he doesn't love his wife. 00:44:02.500 --> 00:44:05.650 When a wife's not loved she doesn't respect her husband." And it's a crazy cycle. 00:44:05.740 --> 00:44:12.140 You're in this argument with each other and it doesn't stop because she's not respecting, he's not loving and so you just keep tearing each other down. 00:44:12.500 --> 00:44:16.080 And he says the way to end that, someone at some point has to become the bigger person and say you know what? 00:44:16.700 --> 00:44:22.780 I'm going to submit here and just say, "Look, wife, don't say it like that. 00:44:24.380 --> 00:44:27.680 What you did or what you said, sounded disrespectful. 00:44:29.400 --> 00:44:35.540 Is there something I did that made you feel unloved?" Submit and honor. 00:44:37.380 --> 00:44:42.520 "I felt disrespectful, is there something I did to make you feel unloved." And you know what happens when you open that honor? 00:44:43.560 --> 00:44:45.680 You open up the conversation to work through the conflict. 00:44:46.780 --> 00:44:49.360 And the encouragement comes to continue to honor, but the same thing with the wife. 00:44:51.580 --> 00:44:55.110 Wife's frustrated, she's not feeling loved and she says, "Husband, that fell unloving. 00:44:56.660 --> 00:45:02.860 Is there something I did to make you feel disrespected." The other thought is this just to be vulnerable. 00:45:05.220 --> 00:45:13.460 Rather than just say, "When you do this and you do that," don't use the word you just say, "When this happens it 00:45:13.580 --> 00:45:19.840 makes me feel this way." You become vulnerable to open up your heart where you are. 00:45:22.240 --> 00:45:22.720 Why? 00:45:22.800 --> 00:45:27.620 Because you're not interested in just getting what you want, you're exposing where you're at to try to meet your spouse there. 00:45:29.280 --> 00:45:31.400 "Do you understand that when this happens, I feel this way. 00:45:31.520 --> 00:45:39.620 I know you care about me but when this happens I feel this way." And when you expose what you feel, that vulnerability opens 00:45:39.620 --> 00:45:40.300 up the heart of conversation. 00:45:42.220 --> 00:45:42.520 Why? 00:45:44.140 --> 00:45:45.680 Because God's interested in the way you honor. 00:45:48.340 --> 00:45:48.920 Your honor. 00:45:48.980 --> 00:45:52.270 What you honor and value in life speaks volumes as to who you are. 00:45:53.800 --> 00:45:56.740 And when you think about living your life, you're going to honor and serve something. 00:45:58.020 --> 00:46:02.000 When you walk out the store today, you're going to honor and serve something because you're created to worship. 00:46:03.140 --> 00:46:07.160 You will surrender your life to something, you will find your identity in something, you will honor and serve something. 00:46:08.840 --> 00:46:11.240 Why not honor and serve what God says matters? 00:46:12.660 --> 00:46:16.880 Why not look to those relationships that He calls us in to be that place where God calls us to be. 00:46:16.960 --> 00:46:21.100 The best way to speak to the heart of your spouse is honor. 00:46:22.740 --> 00:46:23.260 Especially in disagreement. 00:46:24.740 --> 00:46:32.020 Honor is the language that permits you to open up to one another, to speak through difficult circumstances, to work through the conflict 00:46:32.020 --> 00:46:34.160 together rather than against one another. 00:46:34.280 --> 00:46:36.760 It's what Jesus did to speak into our own hearts. 00:46:36.780 --> 00:46:39.560 When we have conflict we tend to get focused on the results. 00:46:39.640 --> 00:46:44.280 But God cares about the process, He cares about the people, and honors the way we move through that. 00:46:44.440 --> 00:46:51.860 God wants to see if you can honor your husband when he brings dinner guests home last minute, God wants to see if you honor your wife 00:46:51.860 --> 00:46:55.300 as a gift when things get hard in your relationship. 00:46:55.920 --> 00:47:00.640 God's desire for you is to honor the beauty of what the gift of marriage is. 00:47:02.400 --> 00:47:08.520 In adversity, make sure to make honoring your spouse your covenantal goal. 00:47:09.980 --> 00:47:13.740 It's not about just achieving results, it's about honor. 00:47:14.880 --> 00:47:22.240 And in that honor, we tackle conflict together because that's the way the gospel tackle 00:47:22.240 --> 00:47:25.300 conflict in our own lives that we can be reconciled with the Lord.