WEBVTT 00:00:00.360 --> 00:00:02.200 I'm just going to start off by throwing this out on the table. 00:00:02.560 --> 00:00:09.940 I know when you do a series related to marriage and the family, sometimes you may as an individual, if you're coming to worship, feel left 00:00:09.940 --> 00:00:12.220 out or curious how this would relate to you. 00:00:12.260 --> 00:00:14.260 So let me just throw this out for us. 00:00:14.860 --> 00:00:18.440 Everyone should find something relevant over the weeks ahead. 00:00:18.440 --> 00:00:25.480 And this is why if you're married, if you're looking to be married, if you have kids, if your kids have kids, if your kids are married, if 00:00:25.480 --> 00:00:32.580 your kids kids get married, if you know someone that's married or you know someone with kids, this should be relevant for 00:00:32.580 --> 00:00:33.100 all of us. 00:00:33.180 --> 00:00:40.240 The only person the series should not be relevant for is one who has the perfect marriage with perfect children, who 00:00:40.240 --> 00:00:44.200 grow up to have perfect families who only interact with perfect individuals. 00:00:44.260 --> 00:00:44.380 Right? 00:00:45.020 --> 00:00:46.650 And since none of us live in that bubble. 00:00:47.700 --> 00:00:47.960 Welcome. 00:00:51.100 --> 00:00:58.160 Once upon a marriage carries a theme for us, or an idea of what God's original picture was in the Garden of Eden when he described 00:00:58.160 --> 00:00:58.660 marriage. 00:00:58.720 --> 00:01:05.940 In fact, when you turn to the very beginning of God's creation of individuals, the first institution that God establishes is that of marriage. 00:01:06.700 --> 00:01:13.720 And when you look throughout Scripture, the description of what marriage is about, the first couple of chapters in Genesis that define it for 00:01:13.720 --> 00:01:20.740 us become the launching pad that as you look at the definition described within the New Testament, many of the New Testament writers refer all the 00:01:20.740 --> 00:01:26.400 way back to the Book of Genesis, the first couple of chapters, when God set the precedent for what marriage and the family was all about. 00:01:28.140 --> 00:01:35.680 When you see the description of what God God states for the picture of marriage, it gives us an idea of this storybook picture 00:01:35.680 --> 00:01:37.860 of what marriage is about. 00:01:39.300 --> 00:01:42.060 In Genesis chapter two and verse 18, it says this. 00:01:42.080 --> 00:01:44.790 The Lord God said, it is not good for man to be alone. 00:01:45.200 --> 00:01:48.180 I will make him a helper suitable for him. 00:01:48.220 --> 00:01:50.910 Some translations refer to it as helpmate. 00:01:52.080 --> 00:01:55.650 Let's go ahead and mention this idea of this word helpmate. 00:01:55.660 --> 00:02:02.200 I've heard people or ladies sometimes get frustrated over God referring to a lady as a helpmate. 00:02:02.640 --> 00:02:05.590 And in our culture, sometimes that can be viewed as demeaning. 00:02:06.280 --> 00:02:13.340 But when you look at that word scripturally in the Bible, this word helpmate or helper is used in the New Testament, the same Greek word that describes 00:02:13.340 --> 00:02:14.300 the Holy Spirit. 00:02:15.900 --> 00:02:23.300 And so if God means or intends this word to be anything that takes away from the beauty of what a woman is in this world, God 00:02:23.300 --> 00:02:25.540 would also be holding the same precedent for the Holy Spirit. 00:02:25.660 --> 00:02:26.460 And God is spirit. 00:02:27.760 --> 00:02:32.250 And so the reality of this world is not sometimes what we infer it to mean within the text of Scripture. 00:02:32.560 --> 00:02:39.740 But what God is saying by this word, helpmate is this that your spouse is in your corner to help and support you 00:02:39.740 --> 00:02:40.920 and your marriage. 00:02:40.920 --> 00:02:42.300 Be what God desires. 00:02:43.640 --> 00:02:46.780 Maybe in a more practical way, when things go down, they've got your back. 00:02:49.400 --> 00:02:51.380 The storybook picture just continues on. 00:02:51.380 --> 00:02:53.020 You look within chapter two. 00:02:53.020 --> 00:02:55.020 It goes on in verse 24 and God defining it. 00:02:55.770 --> 00:02:58.260 It says, for this reason we go back. 00:02:58.260 --> 00:03:03.980 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 00:03:05.660 --> 00:03:08.080 And God's picture of marriage. 00:03:08.100 --> 00:03:16.040 If we're to say this morning, just one idea of what marriage is all about, according to that Scripture that God states its oneness, unity, God's 00:03:16.040 --> 00:03:17.740 desire for your marriage is unity. 00:03:17.780 --> 00:03:20.560 So if anyone ever asks a unity in him. 00:03:20.660 --> 00:03:23.020 So if anyone ever asks you, what's your goal for marriage? 00:03:23.020 --> 00:03:23.760 Or what is it God desires? 00:03:24.060 --> 00:03:28.620 And in Genesis chapter two and verse 24, he says, two become one flesh. 00:03:28.660 --> 00:03:33.120 And it says in Matthew 19, What God has joined together, let no one divide us under. 00:03:35.500 --> 00:03:36.930 God's desire is oneness. 00:03:37.820 --> 00:03:39.120 That oneness in the Hebrew. 00:03:39.420 --> 00:03:45.020 The description is so close that you can't tell where one spouse ends and the other one begins. 00:03:45.020 --> 00:03:46.720 It's literally your you're glued together. 00:03:49.100 --> 00:03:54.060 In Genesis chapter one and verse 28, he gives this the goal or the aim of marriage. 00:03:54.100 --> 00:03:55.700 And he says, The God blessed them. 00:03:55.700 --> 00:04:02.920 And God said to them, be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it, and rule over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the sky, and over every living 00:04:02.920 --> 00:04:04.740 thing that moves on the earth. 00:04:06.580 --> 00:04:13.940 So when God describes marriage, let me just this morning, you think about maybe as it relates to people in your life or family, or maybe your own 00:04:13.940 --> 00:04:17.660 God's picture for marriage and the family is bigger than this. 00:04:18.360 --> 00:04:20.860 It's bigger than saying, I feel like my spouse and I are good. 00:04:21.000 --> 00:04:22.440 So, how is this relevant to me? 00:04:24.040 --> 00:04:30.920 What God is saying here is that God's plan for marriage and the family goes beyond how good the family's operating. 00:04:31.800 --> 00:04:39.080 God creates the marriage, and God creates families so that through the family as it operates and a means that's healthy will be a blessing 00:04:39.080 --> 00:04:39.800 to the world. 00:04:41.760 --> 00:04:43.400 God's picture is much bigger than. 00:04:44.660 --> 00:04:48.560 Just you and your spouse and how good you may be doing. 00:04:50.820 --> 00:04:58.180 And this is the storybook picture that God creates in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve, and describing and defining what marriage is 00:04:58.180 --> 00:05:03.100 for us as individuals, and the way and the intentions for which God has created it. 00:05:04.960 --> 00:05:12.900 In fact, when you read in Genesis chapter two, when God creates Adam, he makes him first, and then he creates Eve 00:05:12.900 --> 00:05:15.030 and he brings them together. 00:05:15.320 --> 00:05:20.520 And the Bible tells us that Eve sings her a song the first time he encounters her. 00:05:21.680 --> 00:05:28.760 I often, I often think about that passage of scripture when I, do premarital counseling for young couples that are looking to get married or just 00:05:28.760 --> 00:05:30.240 couples that are looking to get married. 00:05:30.860 --> 00:05:37.220 And especially when they're young, they come in all googly eyed and excited and then I'll typically ask the question, why? 00:05:37.440 --> 00:05:38.080 Why do you love them? 00:05:39.220 --> 00:05:39.880 Or why do you want to get married? 00:05:42.000 --> 00:05:45.340 And when they go to find the love that they have for them, the definition something goes like this. 00:05:45.460 --> 00:05:52.400 Well, I love them because they've got blonde hair and they do this and it makes me feel loved. 00:05:52.720 --> 00:05:59.770 And when they start to define love, the way it's typically defined is they do something for me and therefore it makes me feel loved, 00:05:59.880 --> 00:06:01.780 and therefore I am loved. 00:06:01.960 --> 00:06:08.960 But Adam and Eve, they had this love so deep that when they define love, when Adam talks about love in Genesis chapter two and he 00:06:08.960 --> 00:06:15.080 sings this song for Eve about love towards her, Adam has no idea what Eve can or can't do. 00:06:16.700 --> 00:06:22.780 He has determined within his heart that she was God's gift to him, and he is just loving her. 00:06:22.780 --> 00:06:24.100 Because the definition of love isn't. 00:06:24.180 --> 00:06:25.980 Isn't that you love because of what you get. 00:06:27.400 --> 00:06:29.640 Love is all about what you are going to give. 00:06:32.240 --> 00:06:35.780 Love is all about lavishing the one who you pursue. 00:06:37.560 --> 00:06:39.250 It has nothing to do with what's been received. 00:06:40.680 --> 00:06:41.560 Rather what's been given. 00:06:43.200 --> 00:06:43.800 Love is sacrificial. 00:06:47.060 --> 00:06:48.960 Adam defined love this way. 00:06:50.300 --> 00:06:54.090 In marriage was intended to be, by God's design, a great experience. 00:06:54.190 --> 00:06:55.560 Not not a bad one. 00:06:56.920 --> 00:06:59.620 God made family to bless the world. 00:07:00.920 --> 00:07:04.100 And God gives us picture perfect idea of marriage. 00:07:04.520 --> 00:07:07.280 And then this is where we begin to ask the question in the real world. 00:07:10.400 --> 00:07:12.100 What's wrong with my marriage? 00:07:13.740 --> 00:07:14.140 Or my family. 00:07:16.000 --> 00:07:23.420 When God defines it this way and it looks like this once upon a time fairy tale story, where is that experience in 00:07:23.420 --> 00:07:24.740 the relationship that I carry? 00:07:26.960 --> 00:07:29.040 And sometimes maybe you encounter it. 00:07:29.100 --> 00:07:35.170 But in other times in this world you recognize that there is tension, there is trouble, there is adversity, there is difficulty. 00:07:35.660 --> 00:07:41.380 And you look at God's definition of marriage, knowing it's supposed to be a wonderful experience and it can be a wonderful experience. 00:07:41.720 --> 00:07:48.220 But we need to define when things in our life get difficult within those relationships, in family, what goes wrong? 00:07:50.560 --> 00:07:51.280 Did I mess up? 00:07:54.380 --> 00:07:56.360 Where does that tension come from? 00:07:57.260 --> 00:07:59.580 And sometimes you think about the extent of families. 00:07:59.640 --> 00:07:59.920 Maybe. 00:08:00.040 --> 00:08:01.860 Maybe I'm alone in this growing up in West Virginia. 00:08:02.040 --> 00:08:08.480 But you go go to family reunions and you look around and you think, man, am I the smartest person in this room or what's going on here? 00:08:13.500 --> 00:08:14.300 Family's not always perfect. 00:08:18.140 --> 00:08:20.260 The biblical picture of marriage, in fact. 00:08:22.720 --> 00:08:29.880 When you go to Genesis chapter three, right after God gives the description of what marriage is all about, God 00:08:29.880 --> 00:08:34.500 tells him it's this beautiful thing and multiply and subdue and become become one flesh. 00:08:34.840 --> 00:08:42.120 And there your helpmate and Adam sings this wonderful song, and it doesn't even take one chapter until their marriage starts to experience 00:08:42.120 --> 00:08:43.000 the tension in the trouble. 00:08:44.780 --> 00:08:51.080 In fact, in verse 16 of Genesis three, it says this to the woman God said, or he said, I will greatly multiply your pain in childbirth. 00:08:51.600 --> 00:08:57.020 In pain you will bring forth children, yet your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you. 00:08:58.060 --> 00:09:03.460 17 Then to Adam, he said, because you have listened to the voice of your wife, cursed is the ground because of you. 00:09:03.660 --> 00:09:05.940 In toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. 00:09:08.760 --> 00:09:10.900 This sin that just took place in the Garden of Eden. 00:09:10.940 --> 00:09:17.700 Adam and Eve just ate of the fruit that God told them not to, and therefore a curse comes upon the earth, and through that curse, all relationships are affected. 00:09:19.980 --> 00:09:27.060 John Eldredge, in one of his books, said this in the beginning man chose woman over God, 00:09:28.220 --> 00:09:30.060 and men have been doing the same ever since. 00:09:33.400 --> 00:09:39.640 What is recognizing for the life of the lady in the relationships that God has given her, is that there will be adversity. 00:09:41.660 --> 00:09:42.500 And it comes to children. 00:09:42.740 --> 00:09:44.140 There is adversity. 00:09:45.820 --> 00:09:47.460 When it comes to your marriage relationship. 00:09:47.580 --> 00:09:50.640 It says your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you. 00:09:50.640 --> 00:09:53.370 That word for desire is not a good word for desire. 00:09:53.420 --> 00:09:55.680 It is an unhealthy, sinful word for desire. 00:09:57.780 --> 00:09:59.480 There's tension within that relationship. 00:10:01.480 --> 00:10:08.540 When it comes to the husband, he's saying, and not only is there tension that builds within the relationship, but the husband as he's toiling and fighting the ground that's cursed. 00:10:08.860 --> 00:10:15.570 There comes tension outside of that relationship that he's experiencing, that he will carry the burden into that relationship. 00:10:15.660 --> 00:10:18.780 And so the relationship will have its tension. 00:10:18.800 --> 00:10:26.240 The biblical picture that God creates of marriage, it finds it finds its adversity in the very beginning of the Bible, 00:10:26.300 --> 00:10:29.520 as soon as sin is introduced and sin brings this disunity. 00:10:29.960 --> 00:10:37.400 And if you look throughout the Old Testament to find this picture perfect story, what you find in the Old Testament and marriage relationships and in family relationships 00:10:37.400 --> 00:10:39.840 is a lot of unhealthy things. 00:10:41.580 --> 00:10:45.220 As soon as Adam and Eve find this, the very next story tells us about Cain and Abel. 00:10:45.260 --> 00:10:48.040 You have within the family brother murdering brother. 00:10:49.160 --> 00:10:52.290 You have Noah's kids taking advantage of their father. 00:10:53.020 --> 00:10:59.040 You have Abraham, whose kids can't get along, who within his own marital relationship has trouble. 00:10:59.040 --> 00:11:00.900 You have you have David who comes along. 00:11:00.900 --> 00:11:04.240 And in his family there is a civil war that splits Israel. 00:11:07.560 --> 00:11:09.580 There's not a picture perfect example. 00:11:12.180 --> 00:11:19.280 I mean, even to top it all, when you think about Jesus and the Bible tells us in Luke chapter two that 00:11:19.280 --> 00:11:24.470 his family goes to the temple to worship, and at 12 years old, they head back from the temple to their hometown. 00:11:25.160 --> 00:11:30.190 And somewhere along the way, after three days, they're looking around thinking, Where is Jesus? 00:11:32.000 --> 00:11:39.160 They forgot their kid for three days at 12 years old and have to journey back to Jerusalem in 00:11:39.160 --> 00:11:39.980 order to find him. 00:11:40.000 --> 00:11:47.040 And if it gives any indication of just how bad Israel is, it tells us that 12 years old, he's in the temple and all these people are gathered around him, 00:11:47.100 --> 00:11:48.500 amazed about what he's teaching. 00:11:50.200 --> 00:11:54.560 I mean, it's pretty messed up when a 12 year old is helping the adults figure it out. 00:11:58.260 --> 00:12:01.160 There's not a picture perfect example. 00:12:04.700 --> 00:12:11.960 When you explore Scripture, you're hard pressed to find any example of the marriage relationship lived 00:12:13.160 --> 00:12:16.600 in a in a way that is encouraging, to say the least. 00:12:18.240 --> 00:12:18.540 Why? 00:12:21.500 --> 00:12:21.840 And how? 00:12:24.540 --> 00:12:32.560 Romans chapter eight tells us that all of creation groans. 00:12:32.720 --> 00:12:35.240 Meaning sin has affected everything. 00:12:37.900 --> 00:12:40.100 And things don't naturally get healthier. 00:12:42.140 --> 00:12:43.680 What they naturally do is deteriorate. 00:12:46.940 --> 00:12:54.080 A few years ago, I bought a swing set for our kids, and I put it in the back lot and I noticed something not being from 00:12:54.080 --> 00:12:56.080 the West. 00:12:57.100 --> 00:12:59.280 Something about this wood as it sat out in the sun. 00:13:00.620 --> 00:13:08.040 The sun in Utah really takes a beating on especially wooden materials, 00:13:08.300 --> 00:13:09.320 right? 00:13:09.400 --> 00:13:10.880 It wears it out. 00:13:10.900 --> 00:13:10.920 It. 00:13:11.240 --> 00:13:14.200 I had to start putting coatings on it to protect it. 00:13:14.320 --> 00:13:14.770 But the sun. 00:13:15.420 --> 00:13:16.620 Sun really destroys. 00:13:18.260 --> 00:13:23.920 I mean, what's interesting about that wood that I'm recognizing in those moments, it's under a curse. 00:13:23.960 --> 00:13:31.080 But if I were to take that wood and it were to become a part of a tree again, the same, the same 00:13:31.080 --> 00:13:35.220 sun that destroys that swing set. 00:13:36.820 --> 00:13:42.160 Is the same sun that gives life to that wood or to that tree. 00:13:44.880 --> 00:13:45.980 And marriage is the same way. 00:13:47.320 --> 00:13:48.830 Family is the same way. 00:13:50.900 --> 00:13:53.320 Those relationships that you experience within your family. 00:13:55.120 --> 00:13:57.560 For some of the closest relationships you'll have on Earth. 00:14:01.060 --> 00:14:01.780 Especially in marriage. 00:14:04.160 --> 00:14:10.240 And when marriage isn't operating as God designs it can really take a beating. 00:14:12.240 --> 00:14:13.700 You wear each other out like the sun. 00:14:16.440 --> 00:14:17.540 But if you put into it. 00:14:19.440 --> 00:14:20.850 What God created it for. 00:14:22.540 --> 00:14:26.700 It flourishes with the beauty that God created it or the way that God designed it. 00:14:29.920 --> 00:14:32.690 Understanding God's picture of marriage is important. 00:14:34.100 --> 00:14:41.150 It's really important and understanding that this cursed world, when it comes to relationships, they're not going to naturally improve themselves. 00:14:41.560 --> 00:14:47.480 Left to themselves, the sin curse that reigns in this world affects everything, including our relationships. 00:14:47.680 --> 00:14:49.180 Those things will deteriorate. 00:14:51.600 --> 00:14:59.680 But understanding it in the way that God has created it, and figuring out how to see that happen within your relationship allows 00:14:59.680 --> 00:15:04.520 us to experience the joy for which God has designed that relationship. 00:15:07.580 --> 00:15:09.590 When it comes to the picture of marriage. 00:15:11.280 --> 00:15:15.260 God designed marriage and gave us all the ideal. 00:15:17.300 --> 00:15:19.820 And the truth is, we all need a target. 00:15:19.860 --> 00:15:26.040 We all need to understand why God designed it and allow our families, our relationships to pursue the design. 00:15:26.140 --> 00:15:27.100 God has created it. 00:15:27.500 --> 00:15:33.220 He designed it for his intents and purposes, and he sets the ideals for us to live in within those relationships. 00:15:35.800 --> 00:15:37.540 Relationships. 00:15:39.420 --> 00:15:40.560 Aren't always easy. 00:15:42.540 --> 00:15:44.980 In fact, there is adversity in them. 00:15:44.980 --> 00:15:49.720 And I'm not going to say to you this morning that we're going to eliminate all adversity. 00:15:49.740 --> 00:15:57.140 But what I want us to understand is that when we begin to get the picture of what God created us for even in city, you can increase the joy in your marriage relationship, 00:15:58.140 --> 00:16:00.390 in your family's relationships. 00:16:02.260 --> 00:16:08.980 One of the beautiful things that an ideal or a goal gives us in relationships is it gives us vision and hope. 00:16:11.620 --> 00:16:17.620 When I when I do counseling with young couples and they come in for premarital counseling before, before they get married. 00:16:17.660 --> 00:16:22.820 And I don't I don't want to say this in a bad way, but sometimes they're just so goopy over the way they interact. 00:16:22.820 --> 00:16:25.180 It's like, what cloud are you guys on? 00:16:25.240 --> 00:16:32.240 You know, because they have all the vision and hope in that relationship and they're just thinking about their future and they haven't even taken a 00:16:32.240 --> 00:16:32.760 step yet. 00:16:32.820 --> 00:16:38.530 But what's guiding them is this is this goal of being together, this vision and this hope, hope and vision. 00:16:38.540 --> 00:16:40.550 They just adds life to the relationship. 00:16:40.860 --> 00:16:43.670 Having a perspective where both of you are on track together. 00:16:45.100 --> 00:16:45.620 It's a beautiful thing. 00:16:47.840 --> 00:16:48.860 But the truth is. 00:16:53.380 --> 00:16:53.520 When that hope is gone. 00:16:53.520 --> 00:16:54.170 And the vision fades. 00:16:57.040 --> 00:17:00.920 So with it, relationship begins to die. 00:17:01.560 --> 00:17:03.360 On, a joy can start to leave. 00:17:05.990 --> 00:17:08.819 Reality, though, is though we have a target. 00:17:10.200 --> 00:17:10.940 Hope isn't enough. 00:17:13.220 --> 00:17:16.599 Hope sometimes minimizes the adversity that we face. 00:17:16.740 --> 00:17:19.940 It sort of lives in the clouds and doesn't always deal with the real. 00:17:19.940 --> 00:17:22.200 But it's important to have the ideal. 00:17:23.280 --> 00:17:26.020 But it's also important to focus on the reality. 00:17:28.020 --> 00:17:28.099 We. 00:17:28.220 --> 00:17:30.060 We all need a target. 00:17:32.140 --> 00:17:39.260 The target in the most adverse times is what helps a family develop a perspective and handling the difficulty in circumstances. 00:17:41.960 --> 00:17:47.900 For instance, when Jesus went to the cross, it says, for the hope set before him, he endured the cross. 00:17:49.540 --> 00:17:50.500 In the midst of adversity. 00:17:50.960 --> 00:17:58.300 It was the hope of his calling that placed in perspective in the midst of the challenge of what he was about, and it gave him the perspective 00:17:58.300 --> 00:18:00.970 on how he needed to live through the moment. 00:18:03.420 --> 00:18:05.220 What hope presents to us? 00:18:05.220 --> 00:18:12.480 Or excuse me, what challenges present to us in our hope, in our vision, in our ideal of marriage, is the opportunity to 00:18:12.480 --> 00:18:14.940 let the light of God shine forth. 00:18:20.420 --> 00:18:21.560 The important thing. 00:18:22.780 --> 00:18:25.760 Just to make sure your target fits God's plan for marriage. 00:18:28.660 --> 00:18:33.560 I would encourage you this morning, we're going to look at some verses, and we're going to do this for the next four weeks. 00:18:33.940 --> 00:18:38.880 But having an ideal for your marriage, this is what you don't want to do. 00:18:39.740 --> 00:18:42.140 You don't want to go home and say, what's wrong with you? 00:18:42.680 --> 00:18:43.920 And this is our plan here. 00:18:44.400 --> 00:18:45.280 You need to jump on board. 00:18:45.300 --> 00:18:46.140 And we're doing this now. 00:18:47.660 --> 00:18:48.460 That's not going to fly. 00:18:50.700 --> 00:18:53.700 Especially if you're here as a as a as a couple over these next few weeks. 00:18:53.720 --> 00:19:00.760 This is this is really what would probably most helpful for you in your relationship is you're going to see a verse that says, husbands love your wives. 00:19:01.760 --> 00:19:04.840 So wives don't turn your husbands start nagging them about it. 00:19:04.840 --> 00:19:06.400 Let God use that word to speak to his heart. 00:19:07.960 --> 00:19:11.760 Husbands, in a few weeks, we're going to look at a verse that says, wives, submit to your husband. 00:19:12.860 --> 00:19:15.460 All of you get to watch me culturally squirm through that passage. 00:19:17.980 --> 00:19:22.020 husbands, don't go home and just say, hey, wife, submit to me, right? 00:19:22.960 --> 00:19:24.400 Because I know that's not going to work. 00:19:26.440 --> 00:19:27.340 But here's what he needs to happen. 00:19:28.960 --> 00:19:30.780 And you'll see if you if you grabbed a bulletin this morning. 00:19:30.840 --> 00:19:33.820 At the bottom there are some verses on marriage and family. 00:19:36.340 --> 00:19:38.580 And give you an opportunity, your own personal time to go through those. 00:19:40.160 --> 00:19:47.320 And get a perspective on what you think God's calling leading your family to, and then go talk to your spouse and say, hey, what do you feel like God has in mutually come 00:19:47.320 --> 00:19:48.140 to that conclusion together? 00:19:50.200 --> 00:19:51.680 Don't dictate what it is. 00:19:53.180 --> 00:19:55.000 Let God work in your heart through it. 00:19:56.380 --> 00:19:57.140 Figure it out together. 00:19:59.140 --> 00:20:02.520 Make sure your target fits in God's plans together. 00:20:05.920 --> 00:20:12.920 When Paul came along in Ephesians chapter five, he wrote in Ephesians chapter five, this definition of marriage, this idea 00:20:12.920 --> 00:20:14.960 of relationships within the family. 00:20:15.960 --> 00:20:20.560 He followed a similar definition in Colossians chapter three around verse 18. 00:20:20.620 --> 00:20:22.810 So if you wanted to compare those in your free time, you could do that. 00:20:23.060 --> 00:20:24.650 Ephesians five is where we're going to look this morning. 00:20:24.680 --> 00:20:26.730 But he defines it in Ephesians five. 00:20:27.300 --> 00:20:31.640 And then he explains it a little more concisely in Colossians chapter three. 00:20:31.640 --> 00:20:32.960 They parallel one another. 00:20:34.240 --> 00:20:40.760 But when Paul introduces this idea in Ephesians chapter five, before I, before I read it to us, this is the perspective I want to take into it. 00:20:41.600 --> 00:20:48.980 What Paul shares in Ephesians chapter five is revolutionary because in the society in which Paul is 00:20:48.980 --> 00:20:56.500 writing Ephesians chapter five, what you're going to see is Paul adds value to the life of children 00:20:56.500 --> 00:20:57.200 and women. 00:20:59.440 --> 00:21:06.620 During the time of the Apostle Paul, women were treated more as property, and children sometimes weren't even named until they had lived 00:21:06.620 --> 00:21:09.720 a certain number of years because the death rate was so high. 00:21:12.520 --> 00:21:13.780 Jesus himself. 00:21:13.780 --> 00:21:20.900 When he when he walked around in Israel, he would oftentimes be seen as saying, let the children come unto 00:21:20.900 --> 00:21:21.080 me. 00:21:21.980 --> 00:21:25.700 You know, in our society today, we look at a passage like that and we think, Jesus is nice to kids. 00:21:25.700 --> 00:21:26.180 That's great. 00:21:26.200 --> 00:21:26.940 That story is in there. 00:21:26.940 --> 00:21:28.120 It gives me the warm fuzzies. 00:21:28.200 --> 00:21:34.080 But when Jesus, when Jesus was making that statement, children weren't even looked at as having real value. 00:21:36.200 --> 00:21:39.900 And Jesus comes along and he says things like, don't enter the kids from coming to me. 00:21:39.980 --> 00:21:47.410 In fact, anyone who does, I would rather a millstone be tied around their neck and them to be thrown in the bottom of the sea than to stop one of these little ones for coming to me. 00:21:47.460 --> 00:21:50.600 He who wants to enter the kingdom must receive me as one of these children. 00:21:53.120 --> 00:21:55.900 He added value to children. 00:21:57.200 --> 00:21:58.500 He added value to women. 00:22:01.620 --> 00:22:05.830 I was listening to someone share about this idea and topic and they were saying, when you study. 00:22:07.740 --> 00:22:13.020 The Christian ideals and society anywhere where Christianity has been. 00:22:14.200 --> 00:22:16.520 And you can test it anywhere where Christianity has been. 00:22:17.620 --> 00:22:19.140 The value of women and children go up. 00:22:21.940 --> 00:22:23.740 They see them as joint heirs. 00:22:25.080 --> 00:22:32.440 In fact, Peter said that in first Peter chapter three, husbands and loving your wives, treat them as joint heirs of the kingdom of God. 00:22:32.440 --> 00:22:32.580 They're equal. 00:22:35.660 --> 00:22:36.590 Anywhere where Christianity. 00:22:38.000 --> 00:22:38.530 It's pushed aside. 00:22:40.220 --> 00:22:41.660 The value of women and children have dropped. 00:22:43.620 --> 00:22:50.740 In fact, the first people group to be shoved under the poverty line when Christianity is left 00:22:50.740 --> 00:22:52.020 in the dust is women and children. 00:22:55.140 --> 00:22:56.380 What Paul says here is revolutionary. 00:22:58.940 --> 00:23:06.000 The fact that he even gains traction in the society is beyond reason, because there was nowhere within society for it to even 00:23:06.000 --> 00:23:07.260 gain a foothold. 00:23:08.900 --> 00:23:13.320 And Jesus at his resurrection, the first ones to his tomb are the women. 00:23:13.360 --> 00:23:16.160 And their testimony in that culture wasn't even accounted for. 00:23:16.340 --> 00:23:18.220 Something significant like that. 00:23:19.860 --> 00:23:21.410 And yet Jesus saw the value. 00:23:23.600 --> 00:23:30.040 Paul in this passage raises the value of the family. 00:23:32.380 --> 00:23:33.080 In chapter five. 00:23:33.140 --> 00:23:35.400 In the NIV translation, it starts in verse 22. 00:23:35.400 --> 00:23:40.440 It says this wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 00:23:41.180 --> 00:23:42.620 I want to say this real quick about this passage. 00:23:43.760 --> 00:23:44.850 that's going to be the Father's Day passage. 00:23:46.140 --> 00:23:47.600 Uh uh. 00:23:47.600 --> 00:23:52.440 So husbands come back and wives you're going to want. 00:23:52.460 --> 00:23:55.250 Okay, culturally, this is a fun topic to talk about. 00:23:55.420 --> 00:24:00.180 And maybe I'm weird for calling it fun, but wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as to the Lord. 00:24:00.220 --> 00:24:05.330 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church, his body of which he is the Savior. 00:24:06.100 --> 00:24:08.500 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives. 00:24:09.080 --> 00:24:11.280 Wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 00:24:12.140 --> 00:24:13.300 Husbands, love your wives. 00:24:14.660 --> 00:24:18.720 Just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy. 00:24:19.940 --> 00:24:27.440 Cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to herself as a as a radiant church without 00:24:27.560 --> 00:24:31.660 stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 00:24:33.540 --> 00:24:36.540 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 00:24:37.620 --> 00:24:38.720 You can put that on your fridge later today. 00:24:40.040 --> 00:24:46.540 Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment, with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. 00:24:48.060 --> 00:24:49.710 And fathers, do not exasperate your children. 00:24:49.880 --> 00:24:52.400 Instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. 00:24:54.020 --> 00:24:59.360 Over the next few weeks, this section of Scripture is exactly what we're going to talk about. 00:25:00.460 --> 00:25:01.650 What does this mean? 00:25:01.760 --> 00:25:03.760 This submission that makes me want to fight? 00:25:03.780 --> 00:25:04.870 What does the Bible talking about? 00:25:05.020 --> 00:25:05.760 It's irrelevant. 00:25:05.760 --> 00:25:06.300 Toss it aside. 00:25:06.640 --> 00:25:08.050 How do we deal with this within our family? 00:25:08.200 --> 00:25:10.660 When God talks about ideals, what do we do? 00:25:10.680 --> 00:25:13.000 If I if I were to break it down like this is what it looks like. 00:25:13.260 --> 00:25:14.180 Husbands, love your wives. 00:25:15.120 --> 00:25:16.460 Wives, submit to your husbands. 00:25:17.780 --> 00:25:19.660 Children, obey your parents. 00:25:20.820 --> 00:25:23.880 Dad, not crush your kids. 00:25:26.760 --> 00:25:27.280 Paul as he. 00:25:28.420 --> 00:25:34.280 Shares this passage was revolutionizing the idea of marriage and family. 00:25:36.880 --> 00:25:44.200 You see the storybook picture in the beginning of Genesis, and then you read this section of Scripture that we've seen together. 00:25:45.980 --> 00:25:50.420 The reality is, it's just a few verses, a pretty simple target. 00:25:50.420 --> 00:25:50.860 But here's us. 00:25:51.860 --> 00:25:56.930 We can't even live up to just the simple statements within that relationship on a regular basis. 00:25:58.760 --> 00:26:04.260 So what do we what do we do when this ideal that God shares with us isn't the reality within our families? 00:26:04.280 --> 00:26:05.440 How do we react? 00:26:05.440 --> 00:26:05.960 How do we respond? 00:26:06.360 --> 00:26:11.800 What, what's to be our demeanor, even according to Jesus? 00:26:14.720 --> 00:26:16.390 We can't even hit the target within those relationships. 00:26:19.120 --> 00:26:22.440 Matthew five, verse 27. 00:26:23.880 --> 00:26:27.460 Jesus says, you have heard it said that he who commits adultery is sin. 00:26:27.540 --> 00:26:30.660 But I tell you, he who has lusted in his heart has committed adultery already. 00:26:32.640 --> 00:26:34.910 He gave that message at the sermon on the Mount as if to condemn. 00:26:35.300 --> 00:26:39.320 I'll just say, for the guys won't talk to the ladies, but to condemn every guy in the area. 00:26:41.960 --> 00:26:43.200 In Matthew 19. 00:26:43.580 --> 00:26:50.860 Some disciples come along and they're asking Jesus about marriage, and Jesus's statement on 00:26:50.860 --> 00:26:57.440 marriage just goes further and beyond anything that's being practiced within culture today. 00:26:57.520 --> 00:27:04.800 He says, what God has joined together let no man separate and he just lifts the ideal of marriage and family. 00:27:04.880 --> 00:27:12.200 So much so that the response of the people standing with Jesus in Matthew chapter 19 and I give it to you, is this they say, if 00:27:12.200 --> 00:27:18.060 the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry. 00:27:20.020 --> 00:27:23.740 In John seven it's the story of the adulterous woman. 00:27:23.740 --> 00:27:29.400 In John four it's the lady at the well who had been married several times. 00:27:29.400 --> 00:27:36.530 And you look at all this and you recognize God's ideal for marriage and you ask the question, well, Jesus, Jesus, what are you going to do about all this? 00:27:37.820 --> 00:27:39.230 I mean, you designed it this way. 00:27:39.540 --> 00:27:41.080 It's not being done this way. 00:27:41.260 --> 00:27:42.200 What are you going to do about this? 00:27:45.540 --> 00:27:45.980 Jesus. 00:27:48.600 --> 00:27:49.190 He says this. 00:27:50.740 --> 00:27:51.950 I'm going to die for it. 00:27:55.980 --> 00:27:57.040 The ideals. 00:27:59.360 --> 00:28:00.980 They're not always real within our relationship. 00:28:06.420 --> 00:28:06.980 Jesus. 00:28:08.720 --> 00:28:09.460 Says. 00:28:10.740 --> 00:28:12.040 That he's given his life for it. 00:28:16.160 --> 00:28:19.620 Here's what happens as we live our lives. 00:28:21.380 --> 00:28:22.840 Ideal that God creates. 00:28:25.280 --> 00:28:27.020 And there is the reel of which we live in. 00:28:29.720 --> 00:28:36.740 And these two perspectives create a tension for all of us, because none 00:28:36.740 --> 00:28:40.520 of us, none of us can reach the ideal that God said. 00:28:42.000 --> 00:28:42.580 It is beautiful. 00:28:44.080 --> 00:28:44.670 It is perfect. 00:28:46.500 --> 00:28:49.350 It is a joyful experience within those relationships. 00:28:52.400 --> 00:28:53.420 But then there's the reality. 00:28:56.180 --> 00:28:57.670 And how do we take the real. 00:28:59.780 --> 00:29:00.820 To get to the ideal. 00:29:04.620 --> 00:29:06.020 This is what I want to encourage you with this morning. 00:29:09.080 --> 00:29:12.640 Let that tension live in your relationship. 00:29:15.700 --> 00:29:19.320 Sometimes we look at the idea and we think, I can never achieve it, so I'm just giving up. 00:29:21.280 --> 00:29:27.630 Ah, sometimes we get so unrealistic in our ideals that we become these legalists that offer no grace within the family. 00:29:31.000 --> 00:29:38.080 Jesus comes along after sharing what his ideals are in Matthew 19, and he elevates the idea of 00:29:38.080 --> 00:29:42.750 the family so far and beyond what anyone in the culture is doing then, and what anyone in the culture is doing today. 00:29:43.860 --> 00:29:46.380 And then he says, this is this is my desire. 00:29:46.680 --> 00:29:50.600 And knowing we're not in that, I'm dying for you. 00:29:54.260 --> 00:29:55.530 Here's the truth within our relationship. 00:29:58.120 --> 00:30:04.880 That grace that Jesus gave breathes life into our relationships so that we can pursue him. 00:30:07.680 --> 00:30:11.490 And sometimes we are the harshest with the people that we're supposed to love the most. 00:30:13.100 --> 00:30:20.320 And we get so fixated on the on the significant this problem that we're calling significant within the relationship that we fail 00:30:20.320 --> 00:30:24.380 to recognize the bigger scope of what God has called that relationship to. 00:30:27.460 --> 00:30:34.180 No one in a marriage relationship that has ever gotten in a fight walked away feeling like that relationship really won that day. 00:30:37.260 --> 00:30:39.360 You may win a battle, but you lose the war. 00:30:41.260 --> 00:30:43.830 And here's what the beauty of grace does within a relationship. 00:30:43.960 --> 00:30:48.500 When you when you offer that grace real and watching the fact that it needs grace in order to get to the truth. 00:30:48.500 --> 00:30:51.800 When you offer grace, it's not about sweeping the problems under the rug. 00:30:52.040 --> 00:30:59.360 The beauty of grace is that grace gives you the opportunity to discuss what separates you and your relationship, because God's desire is 00:30:59.360 --> 00:31:00.180 oneness. 00:31:08.300 --> 00:31:12.680 Sometimes when we approach our family, we recognize there's tension. 00:31:12.680 --> 00:31:13.660 Let me let me encourage you this way. 00:31:15.580 --> 00:31:22.840 Rather than go to your spouse or your family member with intensity and say, you did this and you did this and you did this, I just encourage you eliminate the 00:31:22.840 --> 00:31:24.120 word you from your vocabulary. 00:31:26.220 --> 00:31:26.760 And try it this way. 00:31:29.260 --> 00:31:30.820 So when this happens. 00:31:32.400 --> 00:31:33.660 I feel this way. 00:31:35.480 --> 00:31:37.500 Don't dictate to your spouse the way they need to respond. 00:31:40.180 --> 00:31:42.600 Just help them to recognize the internal challenge you feel. 00:31:44.540 --> 00:31:45.340 These couples get married. 00:31:45.460 --> 00:31:47.800 They get married because they really, genuinely care about each other. 00:31:50.100 --> 00:31:51.830 Somewhere along the way, we forget that. 00:31:53.560 --> 00:31:59.590 And so when we approach our spouse, we feel like the person that was designed to be our helpmate is the very person we need to attack in order to get what we achieve. 00:31:59.720 --> 00:32:01.490 But God created them to be in your corner. 00:32:01.760 --> 00:32:06.760 And so if they married you because they care about you, when you go to them, rather than approach them to attack them about what they did. 00:32:06.760 --> 00:32:13.940 You when you just say this, when this happens, when in our relationship, I feel this way letting see how you reflect 00:32:13.940 --> 00:32:15.120 because they care about you. 00:32:15.120 --> 00:32:17.150 It gives them a better platform to work on it with you together. 00:32:20.840 --> 00:32:21.550 There is the ideal. 00:32:23.560 --> 00:32:24.240 And there's the real. 00:32:26.420 --> 00:32:33.540 And grace doesn't mean you sweep the problems under the rug within the relationship, but the fact that you want to give grace gives you the opportunity to discuss that, because you're 00:32:33.540 --> 00:32:38.160 extending forgiveness and grace, that you may experience the oneness for which God has designed your relationship. 00:32:40.900 --> 00:32:41.920 We need to walk in the tension. 00:32:43.160 --> 00:32:48.120 The idea on the real to realize the ideal is not always going to be successful within the relationship. 00:32:49.400 --> 00:32:55.600 But God at the same time doesn't want us to let go of those ideals, but to keep that perspective together with one another and walking in unison. 00:32:59.180 --> 00:32:59.640 How does that work? 00:33:01.300 --> 00:33:02.920 Let me give you a couple examples from my life. 00:33:04.480 --> 00:33:07.790 The last few weeks of just knowing that this is coming up, just been observing. 00:33:07.980 --> 00:33:14.120 And I had my son came to me a few weeks ago at night, and he just looks at me and says, dad, do you think I'm a good boy? 00:33:16.220 --> 00:33:17.800 And he set the ideal out there. 00:33:17.840 --> 00:33:21.160 There's this ideal that he felt like he needed to be a good boy. 00:33:21.220 --> 00:33:25.580 I love the fact that he has this ideal of who he thinks he should be. 00:33:25.580 --> 00:33:28.020 And so I didn't want to break out theology with him. 00:33:28.020 --> 00:33:33.100 On being four years old in the sense of saying, well, son, we live in a sin cursed world and technically every heart is bent towards sin. 00:33:33.100 --> 00:33:36.990 But I wanted to explain it in a in a way that his four year old mind could understand. 00:33:37.080 --> 00:33:37.700 And I said, son. 00:33:39.760 --> 00:33:40.540 Dealing with the real. 00:33:41.900 --> 00:33:42.860 I think you're a great boy. 00:33:45.380 --> 00:33:48.500 And I think getting an idea of what God wants you to be as good. 00:33:50.180 --> 00:33:51.100 But the truth is. 00:33:52.620 --> 00:33:54.080 You're not always going to be that way. 00:33:56.020 --> 00:33:57.420 Sometimes you're going to mess up. 00:33:59.620 --> 00:34:02.560 And what's important is that you. 00:34:02.800 --> 00:34:03.680 I told him, own it. 00:34:03.760 --> 00:34:04.880 And he said, dad, what's own it? 00:34:07.880 --> 00:34:08.639 Whenever you mess up. 00:34:10.820 --> 00:34:13.120 Can I tell you one of the best things that you can do in your relationship? 00:34:15.500 --> 00:34:17.760 Is to go confess it before your family. 00:34:17.800 --> 00:34:23.860 I'm not saying every time you mess up, grab all your family members together and just say, hey everyone, I'm messed up. 00:34:23.900 --> 00:34:25.750 You know, that could get old fast. 00:34:27.480 --> 00:34:34.520 But what I'm saying is, when you make a mistake in front of your family or in front of your spouse because you know what the ideal is, you help them 00:34:34.520 --> 00:34:38.360 in the real moment to understand how to deal with it and move on. 00:34:38.420 --> 00:34:39.739 So this is what you do as a dad. 00:34:39.820 --> 00:34:42.679 You humble yourself and you come and you say, listen, this is not what. 00:34:43.880 --> 00:34:44.750 I should have done this. 00:34:46.699 --> 00:34:47.719 But to get to this. 00:34:47.840 --> 00:34:48.929 Because I've done this. 00:34:50.659 --> 00:34:51.389 I need your Grace. 00:34:52.780 --> 00:34:55.699 This is what daddy's on together with you as a family. 00:34:56.320 --> 00:34:57.660 And I'm sorry where my mistake is. 00:34:58.260 --> 00:34:59.540 And I kind of tell you parents, even. 00:34:59.620 --> 00:35:00.660 Even when you blow it. 00:35:02.540 --> 00:35:05.980 You're still teaching your kids what it looks like to walk with Jesus. 00:35:07.800 --> 00:35:09.260 Probably more so when you blow it. 00:35:11.240 --> 00:35:13.520 I told my son, son, you're going to blow it. 00:35:13.640 --> 00:35:14.440 You need to own it. 00:35:15.240 --> 00:35:20.430 And I just gave him some examples of how he does that, even with his little brother today or his mom or. 00:35:22.020 --> 00:35:25.780 But as a dad, I see as I tell that to my kid, it's always something I want to model too. 00:35:25.800 --> 00:35:33.480 And so a few nights ago, I was upstairs and I had been working a lot, and I felt like my family didn't get the what 00:35:33.480 --> 00:35:34.250 they had deserved. 00:35:34.500 --> 00:35:39.840 And my wife being as gracious to me, she didn't nag me about it. 00:35:39.900 --> 00:35:40.960 She didn't yell at me about it. 00:35:41.000 --> 00:35:42.260 She didn't even say anything about it. 00:35:42.400 --> 00:35:45.620 And I'm glad she didn't, because I'm the kind of person that I want to be a good husband. 00:35:45.740 --> 00:35:46.600 And I'll obsess over that. 00:35:46.660 --> 00:35:49.060 And she says one little thing about it. 00:35:49.080 --> 00:35:51.560 She could just say it real simple and just in jest. 00:35:51.560 --> 00:35:52.680 She doesn't have to be direct about it. 00:35:52.680 --> 00:35:54.780 And I would just I'll contemplate it and think about it. 00:35:56.020 --> 00:35:58.000 And this night she went to bed and she didn't say anything. 00:35:58.060 --> 00:36:00.590 And I was sitting upstairs, still continuing to work into the wee hours. 00:36:00.680 --> 00:36:03.460 And I just realized I didn't I didn't hit my goal today. 00:36:05.200 --> 00:36:12.140 And so I as a dad, I decided the book of Ephesians, chapter four and five, marriage we're in Ephesians 522. 00:36:12.180 --> 00:36:19.180 I was going to take those passages from Ephesians chapter four and Ephesians chapter five, and I wanted that to be the theme that I carried in 00:36:19.180 --> 00:36:20.780 my relationship with my family. 00:36:20.780 --> 00:36:25.480 And so as I'm sitting there realizing I blow it, I just said to her, honey, I feel like I failed you in this way today. 00:36:26.260 --> 00:36:27.820 And I just started quoting her those verses. 00:36:27.860 --> 00:36:34.660 I just, I was texting her because she was downstairs putting her kids to bed, and she was responding back to me, and I just I just set the ideal out there. 00:36:36.380 --> 00:36:38.320 This is the verse of the kind of husband he. 00:36:40.160 --> 00:36:40.780 And this is my goal. 00:36:42.860 --> 00:36:50.000 And setting those verses out the same, same token, I'm also asking for her grace because I 00:36:50.000 --> 00:36:50.990 know I'm not always there. 00:36:53.280 --> 00:36:55.420 The truth is, neither is your family. 00:36:57.720 --> 00:36:59.300 The tension of the ideal and real. 00:37:01.160 --> 00:37:01.660 It's important. 00:37:03.380 --> 00:37:05.120 And God gives us the storybook in the beginning. 00:37:05.220 --> 00:37:07.720 And you look throughout Scripture and you see every family. 00:37:09.600 --> 00:37:12.680 But don't let that tension cause you to let go of the ideal. 00:37:14.720 --> 00:37:16.310 And don't let your pursuit of ideal. 00:37:18.820 --> 00:37:20.640 Value in holding on to what's real. 00:37:23.240 --> 00:37:24.660 You need the grace within your family. 00:37:26.480 --> 00:37:31.440 You need the opportunity to talk about it together and get back on goal together and keep looking towards that. 00:37:31.440 --> 00:37:34.360 It's the hope and the vision that allows us to pursue. 00:37:37.160 --> 00:37:44.200 Your family will not get where God calls you without grace and without the truth. 00:37:45.380 --> 00:37:47.480 The real and the ideal.