WEBVTT 00:00:00.300 --> 00:00:03.670 If you got a Bible with you, I'm going to invite you to turn to Genesis chapter one. 00:00:03.980 --> 00:00:06.480 We're going to get a background to the idea of what marriage is about. 00:00:06.640 --> 00:00:07.980 And here's what, here's what we're going to do in the coming weeks. 00:00:08.760 --> 00:00:16.020 we're going to talk about five commitments to the marriage covenant that really helps create what God desires 00:00:16.520 --> 00:00:17.080 for marriage. 00:00:17.660 --> 00:00:21.180 And when we talk about five commandments, I know the hesitation of some people. 00:00:21.420 --> 00:00:25.950 When you come to church, we talk about relationship, not religion, and you start talking about commitment. 00:00:26.060 --> 00:00:27.590 And people think, well, that sounds religious. 00:00:27.700 --> 00:00:28.520 I don't want to be a part of that. 00:00:28.580 --> 00:00:33.010 But I would say to that for this series, I'm going to say tough. 00:00:34.020 --> 00:00:41.980 And the reason is this when you got married, if you are married or you're looking to be married when you stood before whatever 00:00:41.980 --> 00:00:47.150 term you want to use, I would say the altar, because I want to acknowledge that God is present in marriage. 00:00:47.640 --> 00:00:53.020 When we go through that ceremony, you likely gave some, some sort of commitment to your spouse, right? 00:00:53.380 --> 00:00:58.820 To have and to hold from this day forward till till death do us part, for richer, for poorer, for better or for worse. 00:00:59.280 --> 00:01:01.760 And in that statement, you made a commitment. 00:01:03.260 --> 00:01:10.640 And the way that relationships work is that if you're not striving to draw closer in that relationship, then naturally 00:01:10.660 --> 00:01:11.300 they drift apart. 00:01:12.700 --> 00:01:14.560 I mean, that works in everything in life. 00:01:15.740 --> 00:01:22.910 time and distance make a relationship that feels whole become become a relationship that feels like just two people. 00:01:23.680 --> 00:01:29.080 And you think even in your relationship with the Lord, if you're not drawing closer to him, you're drawing further from him. 00:01:29.740 --> 00:01:37.000 And so there is a desire within our hearts, the commitment that we have to Christ to want to know him and grow closer to him, to pursue him, that we may know 00:01:37.000 --> 00:01:37.450 him. 00:01:38.680 --> 00:01:40.820 And marriage is the same. 00:01:41.920 --> 00:01:45.260 God has this idea that he sets for us and what marriage is about. 00:01:46.140 --> 00:01:49.980 And if you're a lady here this morning, you start thinking and talking in terms of marriage. 00:01:50.660 --> 00:01:54.480 ladies tend to dream about marriage, or at least their wedding day, right? 00:01:54.900 --> 00:01:57.730 And you think of young girls, they picture the perfect house. 00:01:58.180 --> 00:02:01.300 Some some ladies even start naming their kids before they ever meet their husband. 00:02:01.780 --> 00:02:01.880 Right? 00:02:02.060 --> 00:02:03.740 You show up and you tell them, no, these are kids names. 00:02:03.740 --> 00:02:05.160 Now you just do you deal with that? 00:02:05.440 --> 00:02:07.440 I've had this in my mind for 20 years. 00:02:08.120 --> 00:02:11.200 Men, on the other hand, they tend to think more about the honeymoon. 00:02:11.500 --> 00:02:11.920 Right? 00:02:11.920 --> 00:02:13.950 How do we keep that going? 00:02:14.000 --> 00:02:17.620 And what we tend to find out is you plan, you dream. 00:02:17.620 --> 00:02:20.900 And we romanticize the idea of marriage. 00:02:21.820 --> 00:02:25.600 But when we get into marriage, we find that sometimes it doesn't meet our expectations. 00:02:27.180 --> 00:02:27.690 And we get upset. 00:02:28.020 --> 00:02:29.500 We get hurt, we get angry. 00:02:30.100 --> 00:02:31.000 We want to give up. 00:02:31.000 --> 00:02:36.420 Some of us feel like and wonder if it's even possible to have a good marriage. 00:02:37.580 --> 00:02:44.000 And I just want to say this morning that I believe because God created marriage, that it is possible to have a good marriage. 00:02:44.120 --> 00:02:46.880 I think it's even possible to have a great marriage. 00:02:46.880 --> 00:02:54.000 And so what we want to do this morning is to give us some tools, whether you're single, ready to mingle or you're you've been 00:02:54.000 --> 00:02:54.500 married. 00:02:55.220 --> 00:03:02.260 The thought is, if you're single and you know that marriage is in your future or you're looking towards that, what are some, some tools that could help you 00:03:02.260 --> 00:03:04.120 as you plan for that in your life? 00:03:04.120 --> 00:03:11.480 And if and if you're married, what are some things that we can continue to build upon that we can experience what God desires for that. 00:03:11.620 --> 00:03:18.000 So I think a good marriage is possible because God created marriage and he created it for that purpose. 00:03:20.200 --> 00:03:28.080 but I want to be honest in saying I don't think good marriages are probable if we live out 00:03:28.220 --> 00:03:35.880 the married life the way that our American society teaches us, statistics tell us that for 00:03:35.880 --> 00:03:40.050 anyone that's married, you've got a 5050 shot at your marriage being a success. 00:03:40.240 --> 00:03:47.460 And I don't know about you, but if the statistics in anything in my life was a 5050 shot, I. 00:03:47.920 --> 00:03:55.140 And it was a negative response, I don't know that I would participate in that meaning if I had a 5050 shot 00:03:55.140 --> 00:03:59.380 of going to the mall today and getting mugged, I will I will not be going to the mall today. 00:04:00.000 --> 00:04:04.360 Or if I have a 5050 shot of getting in my car and getting in a wreck. 00:04:05.060 --> 00:04:07.180 Anywhere I go that day, I'm going to be walking, right? 00:04:07.940 --> 00:04:15.100 Or if just something I know that negative is going to happen to me and it's a 5050 toss up in the air, I, I don't see 00:04:15.240 --> 00:04:17.200 myself participating in that. 00:04:18.760 --> 00:04:22.620 And the way that our society teaches about marriage today. 00:04:22.800 --> 00:04:29.210 I think there are some principles that are so unhealthy to us that it naturally produces unhealthy results. 00:04:30.900 --> 00:04:38.000 You think about even in our society today, if a young person wants to get their driver's license, I mean, in order to do that, that's a pretty 00:04:38.000 --> 00:04:38.550 big decision. 00:04:38.740 --> 00:04:42.370 You're given your teen you as parents who have teenagers, you go through this emotionally. 00:04:42.780 --> 00:04:47.260 I'm putting my kid behind that piece of steel going that fast, right. 00:04:47.560 --> 00:04:48.620 How do you how do you deal with that? 00:04:48.640 --> 00:04:53.960 But, before we put them behind the road, I mean, we have certain requirements to make sure they're prepared for that, right? 00:04:53.960 --> 00:04:55.340 They take tests and. 00:04:55.340 --> 00:04:57.110 Well, other than me, just a tidbit. 00:04:57.500 --> 00:05:03.470 When I was a kid, I was in I was in Alabama in high school, and I moved to West Virginia, and I took my learner's in Alabama. 00:05:03.660 --> 00:05:07.190 When I got to West Virginia, apparently I didn't know what a learner's was, so I never had to take my driving test. 00:05:07.600 --> 00:05:08.690 They just gave me a regular license. 00:05:09.840 --> 00:05:11.710 So I don't know how they qualified that. 00:05:11.880 --> 00:05:13.340 They just said, he's got all his teeth. 00:05:13.340 --> 00:05:14.170 That's good for West Virginia. 00:05:14.200 --> 00:05:14.850 Come on, come on. 00:05:15.360 --> 00:05:15.580 Right. 00:05:15.960 --> 00:05:17.720 Like, I don't know what's up with that. 00:05:17.720 --> 00:05:22.990 So other than me to get your driving permit or license, you have to take a test. 00:05:23.940 --> 00:05:27.740 But when it comes to marriage, you just got to show up to the courthouse with 15 bucks, right? 00:05:27.740 --> 00:05:30.830 I mean, but you think about the significance of that decision. 00:05:32.220 --> 00:05:35.910 And what kind of preparation we might give to young people for that. 00:05:36.600 --> 00:05:43.680 Or as an adult going into marriage, the preparation that you've had leading to those that moment and 00:05:43.680 --> 00:05:44.580 the rest of your life. 00:05:46.440 --> 00:05:47.160 Were you ready? 00:05:48.640 --> 00:05:51.460 It's important as we look at these commandments together. 00:05:51.620 --> 00:05:57.060 What I desire to do is just build for us a biblical basis for what God says about marriage. 00:05:57.600 --> 00:06:02.060 And then we'll talk about those commandments that enhance that relationship in the Lord. 00:06:02.920 --> 00:06:06.240 And so the Bible starts with us in Genesis chapter two. 00:06:06.460 --> 00:06:07.240 This is where we'll begin. 00:06:07.360 --> 00:06:12.160 We won't actually we'll reference verse one in just chapter one and verse a few verses in a minute. 00:06:13.360 --> 00:06:18.380 But God creates humanity, and when he creates humanity, he then creates man and woman. 00:06:18.400 --> 00:06:25.480 It says in Genesis 222 and the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man, he made it into a woman and 00:06:25.480 --> 00:06:26.900 brought her to the man. 00:06:27.780 --> 00:06:31.980 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife. 00:06:33.880 --> 00:06:38.260 I bring up this verse just to give this one one remark to us, and that is this God created marriage. 00:06:40.080 --> 00:06:44.420 It's not something that we've invented as people, but something God has desired. 00:06:45.780 --> 00:06:53.140 And so it's important for us to recognize that, because if you desire to get from your marriage what God desires for marriage, then the 00:06:53.140 --> 00:06:58.420 thought within our mind should be, we should look to God for the answers for what marriage is about. 00:06:59.620 --> 00:07:01.740 God created marriage. 00:07:03.180 --> 00:07:09.500 The second thought in these passages come here in Genesis one and Genesis two and Genesis 128 he said this. 00:07:10.020 --> 00:07:17.380 God said to them, talking about Adam and Eve, be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it, and have 00:07:17.380 --> 00:07:19.080 dominion, it should say, over it. 00:07:19.440 --> 00:07:23.460 And for some reason it says, Genesis again, have dominion over it. 00:07:23.500 --> 00:07:30.560 And then chapter two and verse 18 it says, As God said, it is not good that man should be alone. 00:07:31.480 --> 00:07:34.960 I will make him a helper fit for him. 00:07:36.060 --> 00:07:39.000 So God created the man first, and then he created woman. 00:07:40.460 --> 00:07:42.600 God creates marriage and the purpose that he creates marriage. 00:07:42.900 --> 00:07:46.140 We find in 218 it's not good to be alone, but God rather created it. 00:07:46.200 --> 00:07:47.260 That marriage would be a blessing. 00:07:47.840 --> 00:07:55.240 And in demonstrating that blessing, he creates two genders that complement one another in gender giftedness that they can work together 00:07:55.240 --> 00:07:58.120 in what God has called them to do in that marriage relationship. 00:07:58.680 --> 00:08:05.880 And it says this, that we would be fruitful and multiply that your marriage would not only be a gift to you, but your marriage would be a 00:08:06.000 --> 00:08:07.480 gift to the world. 00:08:10.060 --> 00:08:17.300 Learning what it means to be a godly man and woman becomes important to understanding what it means to be in 00:08:17.320 --> 00:08:17.880 a God given marriage. 00:08:19.880 --> 00:08:20.770 God creates man. 00:08:21.540 --> 00:08:22.530 God creates woman. 00:08:23.300 --> 00:08:28.930 God gives them particular gender giftedness that they complement one another as helpers. 00:08:29.740 --> 00:08:35.390 That through that relationship, not only are they blessed, but the world is blessed. 00:08:36.820 --> 00:08:38.299 And so back to 224. 00:08:38.320 --> 00:08:45.360 I didn't give you the end of the tail end of this verse, but it tells us in Genesis chapter two and verse 24, and they shall 00:08:45.360 --> 00:08:48.220 become one flesh. 00:08:48.700 --> 00:08:56.220 If you think about the beginning of the verse, it says, for this reason, a husband or a man shall leave his father and 00:08:56.220 --> 00:09:00.860 his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 00:09:02.280 --> 00:09:09.600 Meaning as God creates man and God creates woman, he comes to this point in their creation knowing that he's designed them 00:09:09.600 --> 00:09:12.550 both genders for marriage. 00:09:12.980 --> 00:09:17.960 And he says, and this is what it's driving to, that two shall become one. 00:09:20.260 --> 00:09:27.500 When we talk about the one, the word one in this passage, what it carries is the idea of this deep sense of 00:09:27.500 --> 00:09:28.170 what it means. 00:09:28.320 --> 00:09:36.100 One, it's saying in the deepest seed of who you are, the deepest identity, the deepest, the depths of 00:09:36.100 --> 00:09:40.340 your heart in that place, your relationship. 00:09:40.880 --> 00:09:46.600 It's so close that you can't you can't tell where one person ends and the other one begins. 00:09:47.680 --> 00:09:54.680 It's important, as we think about a verse like this, to remind ourselves that it is in fact, God who created marriage. 00:09:56.400 --> 00:09:58.000 You consider what God is saying here? 00:09:58.100 --> 00:10:00.940 God is saying one plus one equals one. 00:10:02.080 --> 00:10:04.860 If you try that in math class, you get an F. 00:10:06.260 --> 00:10:14.380 So what I like to think when I read this passage is that in order for this to happen, it takes an act of God for 00:10:14.380 --> 00:10:17.460 one plus one to equal one. 00:10:17.980 --> 00:10:20.610 God needs to be involved in that. 00:10:22.080 --> 00:10:28.160 But the reality is as God has created us in Genesis chapter two and verse 24, to be one. 00:10:28.880 --> 00:10:32.160 Marriage doesn't always work that way. 00:10:32.460 --> 00:10:36.980 In fact, many of the times you find it to be a struggle. 00:10:38.480 --> 00:10:42.720 Genesis two, God gives for us the idea of what marriage is about, and the blessing is to bring. 00:10:43.180 --> 00:10:50.800 And then in Genesis three, something horrific happens, something devastating to all of all of humankind and all of creation. 00:10:50.860 --> 00:10:52.050 And that is the introduction of sin. 00:10:53.480 --> 00:10:56.210 And what sin is about is disunity. 00:10:57.240 --> 00:11:02.180 Where the Lord unites, sin separates where the Lord is about community. 00:11:02.520 --> 00:11:06.160 Sin is about individuality, where marriage is about selflessness. 00:11:06.700 --> 00:11:10.810 Sin is all about self, where the marriage is about what you give. 00:11:10.900 --> 00:11:13.320 Sin only thinks about what you can get. 00:11:13.320 --> 00:11:15.080 When a marriage is about we. 00:11:15.400 --> 00:11:17.180 Sin always thinks about you. 00:11:19.900 --> 00:11:24.160 And the oneness of marriage when sin entered the world was challenged. 00:11:26.380 --> 00:11:33.940 Meaning if you're not pursuing oneness with your spouse because of the sinfulness in the world, you'll naturally become 00:11:33.940 --> 00:11:36.000 too. 00:11:36.400 --> 00:11:39.460 Because of the sin cursed world that we live in. 00:11:40.980 --> 00:11:43.370 We need to work towards being one with our spouse. 00:11:44.860 --> 00:11:49.350 In Genesis chapter three, it reads for us the curse that happens upon creation. 00:11:49.620 --> 00:11:53.280 And you get to verse 16 and it talks about the curse on the wife. 00:11:53.480 --> 00:11:55.600 And just before this, it talks about painful childbirth. 00:11:56.530 --> 00:11:57.440 Ladies, you know that, right? 00:11:57.820 --> 00:11:59.810 You don't have to give me a verse to know that that's real. 00:12:00.340 --> 00:12:06.680 Genesis 316 then it goes on to say this, your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you. 00:12:07.560 --> 00:12:10.000 Meaning it's describing tension in that relationship. 00:12:10.020 --> 00:12:11.260 This isn't a positive thing in this verse. 00:12:11.780 --> 00:12:16.600 This verse is in the context of all the negative things that's happened because of sin in this world. 00:12:17.520 --> 00:12:21.230 And so he's saying your desire will be to dominate your husband, and your husband is going to be ruling over you. 00:12:21.340 --> 00:12:26.480 And the word desire in this passage is the same desire that Cain had when he killed Abel. 00:12:26.480 --> 00:12:27.740 It's a negative desire. 00:12:29.680 --> 00:12:31.900 Meaning you're going to go at each other. 00:12:33.040 --> 00:12:40.320 And so the conclusion of just the thought behind the precedent of Genesis one, two and three says this men and women were created 00:12:40.320 --> 00:12:44.840 for marriage, but none of us are compatible in marriage because of sin. 00:12:46.720 --> 00:12:47.550 Meaning there's going to be tension. 00:12:49.600 --> 00:12:50.640 God created you for it. 00:12:51.720 --> 00:12:53.590 It's intended to be a blessing. 00:12:54.660 --> 00:13:01.960 We've got to recognize that there will be tension because of sin, and it's important for us to learn how to work through that in that relationship, so we can experience 00:13:01.960 --> 00:13:06.160 what God desires between you and your spouse. 00:13:09.680 --> 00:13:16.740 The more you see yourself as an individual in a marriage rather than a team, the further you are 00:13:16.740 --> 00:13:19.460 from what God desires for your marriage. 00:13:21.020 --> 00:13:25.560 God desires oneness and sin will always separate you into two. 00:13:27.240 --> 00:13:34.390 It creates that tension and that bitterness and that frustration, and you start looking down on one another and in your own hurt. 00:13:34.900 --> 00:13:42.080 Rather than seek to be one, you start attacking your spouse that they can begin to experience the hurt that they've brought 00:13:42.080 --> 00:13:42.720 upon you. 00:13:44.440 --> 00:13:47.380 God's desires that we see ourselves as one. 00:13:48.300 --> 00:13:55.400 In fact, when the apostle Paul wrote about marriage, he did so in Ephesians chapter five and verse 28. 00:13:55.400 --> 00:13:55.440 He. 00:13:55.820 --> 00:14:00.900 He explains it this way, that we should see ourselves as one in marriage. 00:14:00.900 --> 00:14:04.860 So much so that if anything happens to your spouse, you feel that pain. 00:14:06.560 --> 00:14:12.100 And in verse 28, he says it to the guys in the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. 00:14:12.640 --> 00:14:14.500 He who loves his wife loves himself. 00:14:14.620 --> 00:14:20.540 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church. 00:14:21.740 --> 00:14:25.570 Meaning whatever happens to her men, you take that as an offense to yourself. 00:14:25.720 --> 00:14:33.000 You're so connected in the deep seed of who you are that her pain is your pain, and her reality becomes 00:14:33.000 --> 00:14:37.720 your reality because God's desire for you is to be one. 00:14:39.660 --> 00:14:44.880 And sin always represents that challenge. 00:14:44.880 --> 00:14:50.400 And so everything that we share over the weeks ahead will be driving towards that thought. 00:14:51.900 --> 00:14:56.220 Building oneness in your marriage before the Lord. 00:14:57.140 --> 00:15:00.470 And so maybe the beginning question we can start asking. 00:15:00.820 --> 00:15:07.120 Well, ask this for the next four weeks after today is how can my marriage be won in the Lord? 00:15:08.440 --> 00:15:14.840 When Jesus talks about connecting and relationships, he actually defines for us what it means to be one. 00:15:14.860 --> 00:15:14.860 He. 00:15:15.140 --> 00:15:20.200 He does it in the theme verse that we use here as a church family when we establish ourselves. 00:15:20.500 --> 00:15:23.980 And in Matthew 22, Jesus is asked, what's the greatest command? 00:15:24.780 --> 00:15:31.940 And Jesus said to the man who asked, you shall love the Lord your God with all of your heart, and with all of your soul, and with all of your mind. 00:15:32.860 --> 00:15:38.240 This is the great and first commandment, and a second is like it you shall love your neighbor as yourself. 00:15:39.620 --> 00:15:40.120 Meaning. 00:15:40.300 --> 00:15:43.820 When Jesus talks about oneness, he mentions specific things here. 00:15:43.820 --> 00:15:47.340 But what he's saying in essence is there is no part hidden from me. 00:15:48.620 --> 00:15:55.300 When you talk about your relationship with me, it's not just something you do Sunday, but it's something you experience with me every day. 00:15:56.360 --> 00:16:00.420 You don't withhold anything from me, and I'm not withholding myself from you. 00:16:00.600 --> 00:16:02.220 We give ourselves to each other. 00:16:02.260 --> 00:16:09.560 And so when I talk about loving me, when you think about giving yourself away, it's with all of your heart and your soul and your mind. 00:16:09.560 --> 00:16:10.960 In some passages you even say strength. 00:16:13.460 --> 00:16:18.930 Everything that you are seeks to be one. 00:16:19.420 --> 00:16:24.040 And then he goes on and explains, and as you understand that, do that in relationships. 00:16:26.000 --> 00:16:33.360 What can I tell you is you consider this verse the only reason that we're able to connect to the Lord with all of our heart and 00:16:33.380 --> 00:16:37.020 with all of our soul, and with all of our mind and all of our strength, is because. 00:16:38.380 --> 00:16:39.400 We're connected to the Lords spiritually. 00:16:42.400 --> 00:16:44.050 Meaning the Bible tells us when sin happens. 00:16:44.180 --> 00:16:51.240 We were dead in sin and Ephesians two one and that Christ brings us to life just as Christ came back to life 00:16:51.240 --> 00:16:51.970 in the resurrection. 00:16:52.360 --> 00:16:59.560 Christ brings us spiritual life through him, and it's only because of that spiritual life that we're able to understand the depths of who we are 00:16:59.600 --> 00:17:02.200 and communicate that with the Lord in relationship. 00:17:04.000 --> 00:17:05.920 And I would submit to you. 00:17:06.079 --> 00:17:08.220 And that works in every relationship in this world. 00:17:09.339 --> 00:17:16.380 It's when you understand who you are and who, in light of who God is that you really, truly begin to understand who your identity is or what your identity is in 00:17:16.380 --> 00:17:23.339 this world because of Christ, in that identity in Christ begins to shape your relationships, and most importantly, it shapes your marriage relationship. 00:17:25.300 --> 00:17:30.200 And so it's when we come to the Lord and we learn to love him with all that we are our heart, soul, mind, strength. 00:17:30.220 --> 00:17:37.700 That we then learn how to love others the way that God has created us to love the world defines love is a pretty selfish, self-centered, 00:17:38.080 --> 00:17:38.840 self fulfilling thing. 00:17:40.540 --> 00:17:44.040 God defines love as one that gives itself away abundantly. 00:17:45.060 --> 00:17:46.740 Love really doesn't think of self. 00:17:46.880 --> 00:17:49.980 First Corinthians 13 talks about, but love gives itself away. 00:17:52.260 --> 00:17:59.260 When you go to the marriage relationship and you use the term love and reality when the husband gives himself fully to his wife and 00:17:59.260 --> 00:18:06.580 the wife gives herself fully to the husband, that oneness is created because each of you is caring for the other ones need. 00:18:06.580 --> 00:18:07.630 And then that oneness. 00:18:08.720 --> 00:18:13.480 You see any offense to your wife as something that's offending you as well. 00:18:13.680 --> 00:18:17.740 And so you're seeking to bring that reconciliation and oneness together. 00:18:19.480 --> 00:18:21.200 And so the thought that we carry is this. 00:18:21.200 --> 00:18:21.980 Seek the one above. 00:18:22.740 --> 00:18:23.120 Excuse me. 00:18:23.180 --> 00:18:27.220 Seek the one above you to unite with the one beside you. 00:18:28.600 --> 00:18:31.400 And so if you're here this morning, you're thinking, okay, why I'm not married. 00:18:31.520 --> 00:18:32.620 So thank you for none of this. 00:18:32.720 --> 00:18:33.770 That helps yet. 00:18:34.120 --> 00:18:36.820 how does this how does this work for me? 00:18:38.420 --> 00:18:40.640 I would say an encouragement to you. 00:18:40.640 --> 00:18:45.240 Learn to give yourself to the one before you give yourself to someone. 00:18:46.280 --> 00:18:52.700 God wants you to be one with your future spouse and not be one with everyone until you meet your spouse. 00:18:54.500 --> 00:19:01.500 Prepare yourself to be the person that God wants you to be, so that when you marry your spouse, you'll be ready to 00:19:01.500 --> 00:19:03.140 walk as one. 00:19:04.540 --> 00:19:06.680 Matthew 633 this week. 00:19:07.460 --> 00:19:11.540 I'll tell you why it's contextualized in a minute, but Jesus has given the sermon on the Mount, and he says this. 00:19:11.940 --> 00:19:16.560 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. 00:19:17.480 --> 00:19:23.250 In this passage, Jesus is preaching what his kingdom's going to look like and what his kingdom is. 00:19:23.340 --> 00:19:24.640 And he says, seek it first. 00:19:25.420 --> 00:19:27.440 Seek me first in the kingdom and what I'm about. 00:19:27.760 --> 00:19:31.220 Seek all those things first and the context of what he's talking about. 00:19:31.220 --> 00:19:38.380 In Matthew 5 to 7, those things will be added to you, which includes relationship and marriage, relationship and 00:19:38.520 --> 00:19:39.780 living life. 00:19:39.900 --> 00:19:47.060 God, as you seek those things, builds you up in the identity that he desires to work harmoniously in relationships 00:19:47.060 --> 00:19:48.120 in this world. 00:19:50.420 --> 00:19:50.920 When you make God first. 00:19:52.920 --> 00:19:54.670 He prepares you for what he has in store. 00:19:56.200 --> 00:19:57.140 And if he created you. 00:19:58.840 --> 00:19:59.280 To be married. 00:20:00.680 --> 00:20:03.610 God works within you and that relationship. 00:20:05.600 --> 00:20:11.560 We ask as a single person, well, how do you know that someone's the one if you don't give yourself away to someone? 00:20:11.560 --> 00:20:13.960 How do you know that someone is the one? 00:20:14.020 --> 00:20:21.240 And I would say this to singleness this morning if, if you're looking for someone to be specifically 00:20:21.720 --> 00:20:25.300 compatible to you, there isn't a person in the world that is compatible with someone else. 00:20:25.300 --> 00:20:26.000 And this is why we're sinful. 00:20:26.720 --> 00:20:27.380 We are sinful. 00:20:28.240 --> 00:20:31.360 At some point we will not be compatible, right? 00:20:31.940 --> 00:20:32.440 We will. 00:20:32.640 --> 00:20:33.440 We will argue. 00:20:33.480 --> 00:20:34.350 There will be tension. 00:20:35.100 --> 00:20:36.890 You will think you're right and I am. 00:20:38.100 --> 00:20:40.300 There is not someone who is completely compatible. 00:20:41.860 --> 00:20:42.760 But this is what you look for. 00:20:44.380 --> 00:20:45.160 You look at their character. 00:20:47.100 --> 00:20:48.440 You look for the fruit of the spirit. 00:20:50.080 --> 00:20:51.260 Does he love the Lord? 00:20:52.060 --> 00:20:53.430 Ladies, you could ask, is he a man? 00:20:53.600 --> 00:20:54.060 Does he provide? 00:20:54.360 --> 00:20:55.700 How does he treat his mother? 00:20:55.700 --> 00:20:57.090 What kind of respect does he show? 00:20:57.300 --> 00:20:58.280 Is he a hard worker? 00:20:58.480 --> 00:21:01.190 Does he stay true to the things he commits to? 00:21:01.940 --> 00:21:03.340 Does he seek God because of you? 00:21:03.360 --> 00:21:05.920 Or does he seek God because he loves the Lord? 00:21:07.000 --> 00:21:08.680 Does he do justice or does he break justice? 00:21:09.280 --> 00:21:09.740 Is he merciful? 00:21:10.140 --> 00:21:10.280 Is he? 00:21:10.400 --> 00:21:10.830 Is he merciless? 00:21:12.420 --> 00:21:14.000 Does he walk humbly or is he arrogant? 00:21:16.060 --> 00:21:17.200 And I would encourage you to do this. 00:21:18.760 --> 00:21:21.280 If you're young, ask your mom and dad. 00:21:22.720 --> 00:21:23.860 I know that you don't think the right. 00:21:26.440 --> 00:21:32.190 But if your parents especially are striving in this together, they know what it takes. 00:21:33.940 --> 00:21:34.780 And they know what they're talking about. 00:21:36.840 --> 00:21:40.700 For young guys, I would say this look for the fruit of the spirit in her. 00:21:40.800 --> 00:21:41.020 Watch her. 00:21:41.140 --> 00:21:42.630 Does she handle herself graciously? 00:21:44.140 --> 00:21:45.700 What does her heart reveal about her? 00:21:46.140 --> 00:21:47.000 Does she love the Lord? 00:21:47.740 --> 00:21:51.120 Does she display what you want in a wife or a mother as she selfish? 00:21:51.620 --> 00:21:52.080 Or is she selfless? 00:21:53.160 --> 00:21:55.450 Does she want to serve or to be served? 00:21:55.840 --> 00:22:00.900 Does she respect her parents or does she disrespect them? 00:22:02.640 --> 00:22:09.860 Let God work on you in the character that he desires to build in your relationship and look for the fruit of the spirit and the one that you desire to marry, or 00:22:09.860 --> 00:22:14.000 as you're looking for someone to marry, had a great conversation with a college guy. 00:22:14.020 --> 00:22:21.200 We have missions teams that come out all the time, and when they leave, they keep calling me like we have teenagers and college kids 00:22:21.200 --> 00:22:21.840 especially. 00:22:21.860 --> 00:22:23.500 And so there's this one college kid that calls me. 00:22:23.500 --> 00:22:25.940 I hope he doesn't listen to this, but he calls. 00:22:26.120 --> 00:22:31.960 He calls me and he says he wants me to know that he was dating this girl, that she he thought she was a godly girl. 00:22:31.960 --> 00:22:32.600 And she was. 00:22:33.480 --> 00:22:36.480 And he says, I just want you to know it didn't work out. 00:22:37.500 --> 00:22:39.320 and we're okay with that. 00:22:40.080 --> 00:22:41.680 And so I said, well, why? 00:22:42.580 --> 00:22:43.650 And his response was this. 00:22:44.140 --> 00:22:46.090 I didn't give myself away to her. 00:22:46.240 --> 00:22:46.860 Right. 00:22:46.880 --> 00:22:48.260 And I think, well, that's great, man. 00:22:48.260 --> 00:22:50.020 You guys didn't jump in bed together. 00:22:50.020 --> 00:22:50.320 That's wonderful. 00:22:50.600 --> 00:22:51.830 He goes, no no, no no, no. 00:22:52.100 --> 00:22:53.700 You've even gone too far in that thought. 00:22:53.700 --> 00:23:00.740 What I mean is when I, when I marry my future bride, I want to be able to give all that I am to her. 00:23:01.040 --> 00:23:05.520 My heart, my mind, my soul, my body, my strength. 00:23:05.520 --> 00:23:07.500 I want everything to be her first. 00:23:07.540 --> 00:23:07.640 So. 00:23:07.980 --> 00:23:12.930 So not only did I not give myself to her physically, but I refused to give myself to her emotionally. 00:23:14.500 --> 00:23:16.440 I refuse to connect to her spiritually. 00:23:17.900 --> 00:23:19.570 I'm saving that for my spouse. 00:23:20.920 --> 00:23:22.110 How do you do that today? 00:23:22.260 --> 00:23:23.080 He said. 00:23:23.460 --> 00:23:26.140 Well, it's tricky, you think, but. 00:23:26.940 --> 00:23:28.440 But we went out together and we said this. 00:23:28.640 --> 00:23:31.520 We were interested in each other, and we knew that both both of us loved the Lord. 00:23:31.700 --> 00:23:32.530 I dropped all that. 00:23:32.820 --> 00:23:33.560 We love the Lord. 00:23:34.380 --> 00:23:41.400 And so what we did is we just spent time together and in groups, and I just watched how she carried herself, 00:23:41.440 --> 00:23:43.380 and she watched how I carried myself. 00:23:43.540 --> 00:23:47.980 And our conclusion was we thought we would be great for someone in the future, but not for each other. 00:23:48.120 --> 00:23:51.130 And so without the emotional baggage, we're able just to let go. 00:23:52.080 --> 00:23:53.960 I thought, that's great advice, man. 00:23:54.700 --> 00:23:59.820 You think about the way that we just beat ourselves up and what we teach about relationships today. 00:23:59.820 --> 00:24:07.340 By the time if you meet someone to marry, how much emotional baggage you might carry, because we tend to think of 00:24:07.340 --> 00:24:14.500 giving ourselves away physically, but rarely think about the way that we do it emotionally and spiritually and what God desires us for 00:24:14.500 --> 00:24:14.760 that oneness. 00:24:16.720 --> 00:24:18.290 That oneness with your spouse. 00:24:20.460 --> 00:24:23.700 For those who are married. 00:24:26.140 --> 00:24:26.740 How can we be one? 00:24:28.600 --> 00:24:32.840 And I approach this morning thinking, we are in all kinds of places. 00:24:34.740 --> 00:24:35.900 in relationships of marriage. 00:24:37.560 --> 00:24:38.500 You think about your spouse. 00:24:39.320 --> 00:24:42.530 It tends to be one spouse might be spiritually stronger than another. 00:24:43.460 --> 00:24:43.560 How? 00:24:43.860 --> 00:24:48.840 How when God created us to be one with him and carry that oneness into our marriage, how do we even do that? 00:24:50.580 --> 00:24:58.080 How can we be one and think about the commitment to your spouse to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, sickness and health, forsaking 00:24:58.120 --> 00:25:01.180 all others, being faithful to you as long as we both shall live. 00:25:01.480 --> 00:25:02.300 So help me God. 00:25:03.900 --> 00:25:04.590 How do you do that? 00:25:06.820 --> 00:25:10.110 Let's say you need the Lord to live out that commitment. 00:25:11.480 --> 00:25:15.940 You need the Lord to keep you from separating into two, but to strive to be one. 00:25:17.560 --> 00:25:21.100 You know, for us, we face all kinds of problems in society. 00:25:21.100 --> 00:25:24.920 And we think about the oneness that God desires in our relationship. 00:25:26.320 --> 00:25:31.020 we come to marriage seeking a spouse many times not, and not seeking the Lord first. 00:25:31.120 --> 00:25:38.240 And we seek the spouse thinking in our heads that the spouse is the one that's going to make me happy or fulfill all of our 00:25:38.240 --> 00:25:38.580 needs. 00:25:39.500 --> 00:25:42.270 And if he's broken before we get into it, it's okay, I'll fix it. 00:25:42.560 --> 00:25:42.900 I'll fix him. 00:25:43.180 --> 00:25:43.980 I have time, right. 00:25:44.480 --> 00:25:51.560 I'm going to tell you can't fix your spouse, that there's a proverb that says this, a nagging sorry 00:25:51.560 --> 00:25:56.320 wife's a nagging wife is like a dripping faucet. 00:25:56.320 --> 00:26:02.040 Or there's another one that says it's better to live on the roof of your home than in the home with a nagging wife. 00:26:02.520 --> 00:26:03.240 And I would say this. 00:26:03.360 --> 00:26:07.020 The lady would say she's just trying to fix him and it doesn't work. 00:26:09.260 --> 00:26:10.060 Praying for them. 00:26:10.100 --> 00:26:10.860 Does. 00:26:11.440 --> 00:26:12.970 But nagging them doesn't. 00:26:14.140 --> 00:26:14.710 How do we be one? 00:26:16.300 --> 00:26:23.400 Well, if you idolize someone in your life as to be your satisfaction as if they were your God, they will be the one 00:26:23.400 --> 00:26:24.880 that can completes you. 00:26:25.100 --> 00:26:26.000 One of two things happens. 00:26:27.380 --> 00:26:30.700 You either idolize them wrongly, which is wrong, or you. 00:26:30.940 --> 00:26:31.920 You demonize them. 00:26:31.920 --> 00:26:32.120 Meaning? 00:26:32.660 --> 00:26:33.260 Meaning you. 00:26:34.460 --> 00:26:37.480 You think about them in ways that you should think about the Lord. 00:26:38.260 --> 00:26:45.400 And then when they fail at doing what you think they should do, then they're just the worst lowlife sitting on the couch like 00:26:45.400 --> 00:26:46.220 a log, doing nothing. 00:26:47.940 --> 00:26:52.620 And so when you put them in that position, you elevate them to a place of failure. 00:26:54.320 --> 00:26:55.060 So how do we be one? 00:26:57.240 --> 00:27:04.600 And so my encouragement as we think about just the there's lots of things that you could do in a relationship to seek oneness, 00:27:04.780 --> 00:27:06.040 especially when you talk about spiritually. 00:27:07.400 --> 00:27:09.340 And there's opportunities that God's created us. 00:27:09.560 --> 00:27:11.860 As for couples to grow. 00:27:11.860 --> 00:27:13.240 But the most important thing. 00:27:14.480 --> 00:27:16.540 It's to create momentum to be one. 00:27:17.880 --> 00:27:19.160 Meaning do something. 00:27:21.240 --> 00:27:24.800 Natural tendency in our lives is to become to. 00:27:26.180 --> 00:27:30.780 Natural tendency without working on the relationship is that relationship will work on you. 00:27:32.340 --> 00:27:35.050 And if you do nothing, then you will divide. 00:27:36.300 --> 00:27:38.870 But it's important to create momentum to be one. 00:27:39.080 --> 00:27:46.140 And spiritually speaking, we can do this by reading God's Word or praying together or serving together, creating spiritual traditions 00:27:46.140 --> 00:27:49.880 as a family together, like Easter last week. 00:27:50.000 --> 00:27:57.260 If there's something special your family does, attending community groups together, becoming a team on the way that you lead your family 00:27:57.260 --> 00:28:01.750 together, having dinner together, serving in the community some way together. 00:28:02.100 --> 00:28:03.100 Create. 00:28:03.100 --> 00:28:10.240 Creating momentum is important, but thinking about walking out of here this morning, I don't just want to give you a list of 00:28:10.240 --> 00:28:16.530 things that you should do, and I don't want to create those things to be just this religious checklist that if you check them, then it works in your relationship. 00:28:17.420 --> 00:28:21.530 I want to give us just one target to hit that creates momentum. 00:28:23.160 --> 00:28:29.410 And you think about in Second Chronicles chapter seven and verse 14, I'll give you the backdrop to this. 00:28:29.460 --> 00:28:33.060 So we don't say theologically, take this out of context, but God's talking to the nation of Israel. 00:28:34.180 --> 00:28:40.220 The nation of Israel lives under this promise, under the mosaic covenant, that if they obey God, then they're blessed. 00:28:40.340 --> 00:28:41.570 And if they disobey God, they're not. 00:28:42.320 --> 00:28:47.060 And in Second Chronicles, God's reminding them of that you need to seek me so that you're blessed. 00:28:47.220 --> 00:28:50.790 And so you could specifically address this to the nation. 00:28:50.840 --> 00:28:53.560 And I'll tell you how spiritual we can address it to ourselves in just a minute. 00:28:53.780 --> 00:28:54.260 But let me read it. 00:28:55.040 --> 00:29:02.200 If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked 00:29:02.200 --> 00:29:09.580 ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 00:29:11.100 --> 00:29:12.850 Got in this passage of Scripture. 00:29:14.080 --> 00:29:17.080 Talks about the idea of prayer as the way of healing their family. 00:29:18.260 --> 00:29:23.540 As a way of healing their country, as a way of healing their relationship with the Lord. 00:29:25.020 --> 00:29:27.620 God's telling the nation of Israel, this will bless them. 00:29:27.620 --> 00:29:30.070 But I'll tell you this morning, it will do the same for you. 00:29:32.120 --> 00:29:34.260 God created prayer that we could connect to him. 00:29:35.280 --> 00:29:40.680 God desires to build his will in your life, his image in you. 00:29:40.680 --> 00:29:43.360 And when you connect to him, it gives him the opportunity to do that. 00:29:45.260 --> 00:29:45.610 As a nation. 00:29:46.300 --> 00:29:51.070 When they do that, it gives them the opportunity together to do that as a family. 00:29:51.480 --> 00:29:58.880 When you do that, it gives you the opportunity as a family for the law to allow the God to build that identity in you as a married couple. 00:29:59.440 --> 00:30:05.520 When you do that, it gives God the opportunity to build his identity in you together as one. 00:30:07.340 --> 00:30:12.900 God comes to this passage of a nation that's divided, divided from him, and splintered from each other. 00:30:14.120 --> 00:30:17.630 His solution to the oneness is just to seek his face. 00:30:18.540 --> 00:30:19.700 To begin to pray. 00:30:20.580 --> 00:30:27.760 Family life did a survey not too long ago out of 1000 couples they interviewed, and there were Christian 00:30:27.760 --> 00:30:28.400 couples. 00:30:28.400 --> 00:30:35.800 And out of the 1000 Christian couples that they interviewed, they found that few fewer than 8% of those families pray 00:30:35.800 --> 00:30:36.920 regularly. 00:30:37.040 --> 00:30:41.390 So out of 1000 was that 80 people, fewer than 8% of them pray regularly. 00:30:42.680 --> 00:30:50.420 But of those that pray regularly, fewer than 1% of them have been have had a divorce. 00:30:52.480 --> 00:30:53.200 Prayer. 00:30:54.460 --> 00:31:00.770 In that family and those families brought oneness with them. 00:31:01.020 --> 00:31:08.160 I got to tell you, when I when I think about the idea of this verse and God using what he can to bring oneness in my family, I 00:31:08.160 --> 00:31:16.340 was not raised in an openly spiritual home, meaning people would have claimed to in my home to love 00:31:16.340 --> 00:31:16.890 Jesus. 00:31:17.100 --> 00:31:18.320 If you ask them, do you love Jesus? 00:31:18.320 --> 00:31:20.800 They would have said yes and then that was it, you know. 00:31:21.220 --> 00:31:22.940 So there was no living. 00:31:23.000 --> 00:31:27.540 There was no living for the Lord outside and seeking unity in Christ together. 00:31:27.560 --> 00:31:35.280 And so when I got married, the idea of bringing Jesus into my home to create that oneness wasn't something 00:31:35.280 --> 00:31:37.900 that came naturally for me. 00:31:38.200 --> 00:31:41.760 But one of the things that for my family we started doing is we started praying together. 00:31:43.480 --> 00:31:47.900 And one of the things I discovered in our prayers that my wife and I draw closer together. 00:31:48.880 --> 00:31:52.000 And can I tell you just some thoughts of why prayer works? 00:31:53.340 --> 00:31:56.540 When prayer is done naturally, it creates intimacy. 00:31:59.150 --> 00:32:03.370 It's hard not to pray with someone and not hear what's on their heart. 00:32:04.400 --> 00:32:11.180 Guys, I think more than anyone, if there's ever a person in a marriage relationship, that's hard to know what's going on in the inside, right? 00:32:11.220 --> 00:32:14.200 It's not your wife, but you. 00:32:15.200 --> 00:32:17.920 I can think my, I grew up in. 00:32:18.060 --> 00:32:19.800 My last name is wall and in the wall family. 00:32:20.760 --> 00:32:21.220 We don't. 00:32:21.340 --> 00:32:22.740 We don't talk about our emotions. 00:32:23.220 --> 00:32:24.410 Matter of fact, we don't even show them. 00:32:24.920 --> 00:32:25.980 We do best. 00:32:25.980 --> 00:32:27.600 We operate as statues. 00:32:27.940 --> 00:32:35.040 And so to even think about prayer and being intimate and having to talk about things in your heart before you pray before the Lord is a 00:32:35.120 --> 00:32:35.640 big step. 00:32:35.760 --> 00:32:37.760 But it's an important step to for intimacy. 00:32:38.440 --> 00:32:40.120 See, it reveals your heart. 00:32:41.040 --> 00:32:41.720 And I can think. 00:32:41.720 --> 00:32:46.340 As a young boy, I was five years old and my grandfather was a man of faith, and he loved the Lord. 00:32:46.740 --> 00:32:53.760 And I remember I went to his house to visit, and my grandmother is on the phone and I'm standing there beside him because I'm waiting to go do something with my grandpa. 00:32:54.220 --> 00:32:55.640 And my grandma gets up off the phone. 00:32:55.640 --> 00:32:56.030 She looks upset. 00:32:56.540 --> 00:33:00.860 She turns and mentions the thing that's upsetting to my grandpa, and my grandpa goes outside. 00:33:00.860 --> 00:33:01.360 He's a wall. 00:33:01.500 --> 00:33:04.160 We don't do emotions and he goes outside and. 00:33:07.260 --> 00:33:10.140 For the first time in my life, I saw the realness of prayer. 00:33:11.620 --> 00:33:16.440 Because my grandpa, in that moment, he walks away from everyone and he falls to his knees. 00:33:18.100 --> 00:33:19.560 I just see tears stream down his eyes. 00:33:21.280 --> 00:33:24.200 And he just lifts his heart before God. 00:33:25.700 --> 00:33:28.500 You think about the idea of praying with your spouse? 00:33:29.660 --> 00:33:30.600 And if that seems hard to. 00:33:32.060 --> 00:33:33.920 Maybe it's the awkwardness that you need to get over. 00:33:34.000 --> 00:33:36.340 Maybe it's hard because there's tension in that relationship. 00:33:38.680 --> 00:33:38.960 I think. 00:33:39.060 --> 00:33:39.940 What? 00:33:39.940 --> 00:33:40.490 What more healing could it be? 00:33:41.780 --> 00:33:43.270 And to get with the one who created marriage. 00:33:44.640 --> 00:33:46.780 And they get with the one who you're having tension with. 00:33:48.420 --> 00:33:52.040 And to talk about that struggle and to lift it up before the Lord. 00:33:54.460 --> 00:33:55.880 Marriage brings us or excuse me? 00:33:56.100 --> 00:33:57.920 Prayer brings us to a place of humbleness. 00:33:58.200 --> 00:33:59.780 It brings us to a place of intimacy. 00:34:00.080 --> 00:34:02.360 It brings us to a place of right focus. 00:34:02.620 --> 00:34:04.000 It gets off of self. 00:34:04.160 --> 00:34:07.980 It shows families where the priorities lie. 00:34:08.040 --> 00:34:12.060 It reminds us about community rather than individuality. 00:34:14.420 --> 00:34:16.600 It brings you closer over time. 00:34:18.659 --> 00:34:19.520 Yeah, it might be awkward. 00:34:21.500 --> 00:34:23.070 But maybe the point is, let it be weird. 00:34:24.780 --> 00:34:29.800 Your family needs to see you struggle over something valuable as much as they see you successful in it. 00:34:31.580 --> 00:34:35.040 The importance of that for the family builds oneness. 00:34:35.400 --> 00:34:38.719 I love the way it started for Stacy and I when we brought it in with our kids. 00:34:39.260 --> 00:34:39.860 Grayson's three. 00:34:39.920 --> 00:34:41.310 He's finally gotten old enough to pray. 00:34:41.940 --> 00:34:43.659 And so we have a meal together. 00:34:44.460 --> 00:34:49.120 And it's funny because sometimes I want to go to the couch to watch the game, but he loves the table now, so he'll pull me. 00:34:49.340 --> 00:34:49.880 He'll pull me in. 00:34:49.900 --> 00:34:50.380 That's a confession. 00:34:50.480 --> 00:34:54.150 I'm sorry, but we'll go into the table and we'll pray. 00:34:54.820 --> 00:34:55.840 And so we'll go around the table. 00:34:55.840 --> 00:34:57.180 We'll just ask something about prayer. 00:34:57.180 --> 00:34:57.810 What are we going to pray about? 00:34:58.640 --> 00:34:59.800 And then we'll bow our heads to pray. 00:34:59.820 --> 00:35:03.210 And so we've never taught this kid how to pray, but he just starts praying out loud. 00:35:04.000 --> 00:35:06.920 He just since we talked about it, he thinks everyone gets to jump in. 00:35:07.180 --> 00:35:09.820 And so we all just start hashing it out loud. 00:35:09.900 --> 00:35:10.650 And so I listen. 00:35:10.780 --> 00:35:13.820 Last night we were praying again, and I got to listen to the things that he prayed for. 00:35:13.900 --> 00:35:17.960 And so, we've talked over time just people that are sick people and that needs help. 00:35:18.340 --> 00:35:20.120 He knows every Saturday night we pray for church. 00:35:20.940 --> 00:35:25.840 And so last night, without mentioning it, prays for our church family. 00:35:25.840 --> 00:35:27.340 God, I want to have fun with my friends tomorrow. 00:35:28.580 --> 00:35:31.130 He prays that his grandma will give him a present next time he sees her. 00:35:32.600 --> 00:35:35.800 And he prays for Elijah, a young boy that we know that's been out. 00:35:35.940 --> 00:35:37.700 His family's been out here a couple of times from Florida. 00:35:37.760 --> 00:35:43.680 He just got diagnosed with leukemia and we prayed for him, but I didn't even tell him to pray for him. 00:35:43.680 --> 00:35:45.410 Just prayer time came and he just started praying. 00:35:45.680 --> 00:35:46.820 And, as good as a dad. 00:35:47.140 --> 00:35:47.700 He prays a lot. 00:35:47.740 --> 00:35:48.820 I can't even hear my own prayer sometimes. 00:35:49.360 --> 00:35:51.350 But I got to hear what was on my son's heart. 00:35:52.560 --> 00:35:54.030 I don't know what he's what he's thinking about. 00:35:55.360 --> 00:35:56.680 I feel closer to him in that. 00:35:57.420 --> 00:35:58.930 I mean, it helps me see his health spiritually. 00:36:00.200 --> 00:36:01.930 God, what's God doing in your son? 00:36:02.980 --> 00:36:07.800 I mean, he's holding things close to him that other than the selfish prayer for present he's holding. 00:36:07.840 --> 00:36:09.600 And that's important for a kid, too, so who cares? 00:36:10.040 --> 00:36:10.670 But he's holding. 00:36:11.260 --> 00:36:14.300 He's holding those things close to him, and God's using that. 00:36:14.800 --> 00:36:15.920 So let me let me tell you this. 00:36:16.260 --> 00:36:20.060 If you're thinking about building oneness in your relationship, you don't have to take prayer. 00:36:21.300 --> 00:36:21.680 You need to. 00:36:22.000 --> 00:36:22.480 You need to do something. 00:36:24.060 --> 00:36:25.900 You've got to create momentum in that. 00:36:26.500 --> 00:36:32.000 And I know for some families, depending on where we are spiritually, prayer can be a nonthreatening thing to do that. 00:36:33.160 --> 00:36:39.460 And so let me encourage you, if you try or attempt to think about using prayer, just start with two questions when you get together. 00:36:40.660 --> 00:36:45.880 prayer for us can oftentimes be something where we treat God like a pinata and we just beat up and we tell them things that we want. 00:36:46.600 --> 00:36:48.210 And in that way, prayer becomes draining. 00:36:49.440 --> 00:36:53.420 Sometimes I'll tell God all your problems, and I don't even talk about all my problems all the time. 00:36:53.900 --> 00:36:55.840 But here's what's good. 00:36:55.960 --> 00:36:56.300 Start with this. 00:36:57.140 --> 00:36:58.380 What's something you're thankful for? 00:36:59.520 --> 00:37:04.310 I mean, you get to communicate with your family about that, to hear what they're appreciating in life, and then bring it before the Lord to thank them. 00:37:04.540 --> 00:37:05.880 What's something you're thankful for? 00:37:06.580 --> 00:37:06.820 And then this. 00:37:07.060 --> 00:37:08.120 What's something that's got your heart anxious? 00:37:09.560 --> 00:37:10.940 What's something that's troubling you? 00:37:11.460 --> 00:37:12.570 Let's open up about that. 00:37:13.540 --> 00:37:14.780 Let's hear what's weighing on your heart. 00:37:14.840 --> 00:37:16.560 So as a spouse, I can think about that later. 00:37:16.820 --> 00:37:19.600 Later, when we're separated from each other, I'm at my work day. 00:37:19.600 --> 00:37:20.880 I can text you and let you know. 00:37:20.880 --> 00:37:22.740 Honey, I'm still praying for you in that need. 00:37:23.080 --> 00:37:24.940 I am one with you in this. 00:37:27.540 --> 00:37:28.700 What's something you're thankful for? 00:37:29.980 --> 00:37:33.770 What's something that's got your heart anxious and then pray about it. 00:37:34.220 --> 00:37:36.840 You might end up praying with your three year old about toys, but who cares? 00:37:37.960 --> 00:37:39.330 It's important to create momentum. 00:37:40.420 --> 00:37:41.220 So the thought is this. 00:37:43.240 --> 00:37:44.240 Create momentum to be one. 00:37:45.440 --> 00:37:46.360 God wants you to be one. 00:37:47.660 --> 00:37:49.380 God created marriage to be a blessing. 00:37:50.620 --> 00:37:52.880 If you're not working on it will work on you. 00:37:53.120 --> 00:37:54.700 Sin will pull it apart. 00:37:55.400 --> 00:37:57.360 God is the one that brings it together. 00:37:58.040 --> 00:38:02.300 He shows us what oneness is with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind. 00:38:02.300 --> 00:38:04.140 There is no secret that separates. 00:38:04.160 --> 00:38:11.280 But you're united together, so deep in the recesses of your heart that you can't tell where one spouse ends and the other one 00:38:11.280 --> 00:38:11.800 begins. 00:38:11.800 --> 00:38:16.620 And when one of you are offended, both of you are offended because you are connected to each other. 00:38:16.640 --> 00:38:24.020 And when one of you rejoices, both of you rejoice in that because you are one in him. 00:38:24.740 --> 00:38:27.880 God made you who made your spirit your spouse? 00:38:28.740 --> 00:38:34.480 God made marriage God's desire for that as one. 00:38:36.080 --> 00:38:36.380 B1. 00:38:37.080 --> 00:38:40.620 And so what I'm asking, I guess, is of our church this morning, is this. 00:38:41.500 --> 00:38:45.760 It is a place of intimacy to grab the hands of your spouse. 00:38:47.120 --> 00:38:48.140 And the looker in the eyes. 00:38:48.620 --> 00:38:49.510 Sort of look him in the eyes. 00:38:50.820 --> 00:38:52.840 And say, honey, is there anything you're thankful for? 00:38:54.460 --> 00:38:56.540 Is there anything your heart is anxious over?