WEBVTT

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We've been starting a new series together, and it's on how to grow a Christ centered family.

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And it's an important question for us to ask as a church, because the family is extremely important to God.

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After all, the family was the first institution that God established.

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And last week we began the journey together on understanding what a biblical family was and defining what makes the difference between a Christian

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family who allows Christ to be the center of the home, and any other family that we come in contact with through the rest of

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the world?

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Much like every family throughout the world, one of the things that we noted is, just because you're a Christian family doesn't mean you're a perfect family.

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In fact, if you know the Lord, one of the things you've come to find in your own relationship towards him is that we oftentimes fall

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short of what God desires for our lives, and that's the case with our family as well.

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We're not perfect, but one thing that the Christian family, or the Christ centered family has in the center of their home,

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if they know Jesus is the sinless Savior.

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It takes a lot out of especially parenting as adults.

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When you think about your children, when you realize that your children are sometimes going to make mistakes and that you out of embarrassment

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in public when those things happen, don't have to react in such anger knowing that every once in a while it just might happen, right?

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Building a Christ centered family is close to the heart of God.

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It was the first institution that God created on this earth.

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And even when he, the Lord, shared with the Apostle Paul as he supernaturally wrote the book of Timothy and Titus, when he told those

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young men, those pastors establishing and working within churches to seek out leadership within the church, the way that you found those leaders to help establish that

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church were to find to find leaders who were following and living a biblical lifestyle to their families, who are managing their

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households well.

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A family is a mini expression of the church.

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A church is only as healthy as the families who make it up.

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And so answering the question how do we build a Christ centered home is important for us as an entire church family, regardless of where we are in our relationship

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with God.

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Whether you're young and single and you're looking to a family one day, whether you're married, with children or you've retired and kids have flown the

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nest, it's important for us as a church family to learn how to build a healthy and God centered home.

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After all, it's God's desire for the home.

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You know, as people, when we find God's desire for our lives and God's purpose for our lives in him, we live the way God has designed

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us and through that begin to experience peace, joy, and happiness.

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And I believe the beginning of this year is a brand new year, and we like to start things fresh.

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And if we would just give God control of our lives and of our family.

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God will literally rock our world, and the joy that he promises in Scripture won't just be a story that we find within

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the Bible that's contained for those people, but it will be applied to our lives as well.

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As we've looked at a Christ centered family together, we're going to see all explore all sorts of avenues of the family, what it means to be a godly man in a household

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and in God's eyes, what it means to be a godly woman, how single people experience and handle looking to a family one day.

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Discipline what?

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How that fits into a family, all sorts of avenues we're going to begin to explore together to get an idea of when we talk

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about what a Christ centered family, what it looks like in Scripture, and how it applies to our own personal lives.

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As we begin begin that story this morning, we're going to talk about the area of communication.

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I know every guy in the building just rolled their eyes at us and lowered their heads.

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Right.

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Communication Let me give you a fact, man, that will make you feel a little bit better when it comes to communication.

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I read this in a recent magazine, Homemade Magazine of all things.

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It says a woman's vocal cords are shorter than a man's, and she can actually speak with less effort.

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We didn't need science to tell us that, right?

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We just we know that from experience.

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Shorter vocal cords not only cause a woman's voice to be more highly pitched, but also require less air to become agitated, making

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it possible for her to talk more with less energy.

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All these, all this, all these years, they thought.

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The ladies thought that we just weren't sharing enough with them.

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But little did they know, it takes a lot for us to say things right.

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Trying to help you out, guys.

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For you.

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Too far into this morning communication.

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It's important to think of a let me throw out a couple jokes for you this morning.

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We'll see how it goes.

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You give me positive feedback on these.

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All right.

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There was a couple who was traveling from America towards the east, and as they were on the journey, they decided to take their dog with them, greatly appreciating

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all the experience that they were to have with one another in their small little animals.

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They journeyed together and eventually, as they began to travel, they became somewhat irritated with the language barriers to all the countries that they were coming in

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contact with.

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And one day they were they were sailing across the country, and they decided to take port into one of the local towns along this

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area of the east that they were in.

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And they went into a restaurant and they started to eat, and they took their dog with them.

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They wanted their dog to experience everything.

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And they motioned to the waiter, they were interested in eating.

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They gave the sign language for eat.

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And the waiter brought him a menu, and they enjoyed what was on the menu that they had selected.

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And a little bit into the to the meal, they noticed that their dog hadn't eaten anything that day.

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They had been out and enjoyed much of the scenery in the town, and so they motioned to the waiter that their dog needed something to eat, and the waiter just gladly nods

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his head, and he picks up the dog and goes back to the kitchen, only to find an hour later, their poor puppy coming back out on a on a platter,

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ready for them to enjoy the meal.

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Right.

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Communication is important, right?

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And especially understanding the way we communicate toward one another.

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If you didn't like that, let me give you another one.

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There was a couple business people, a husband and wife.

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They were from New York, and both of them were going out of town on business.

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And the husband happened to get his business finished a little bit sooner than he expected.

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He got back to New York and he noticed there was a blizzard, and he was getting tired of the cold weather.

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Anybody there yet?

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And he decided, you know what?

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I'm going to.

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I'm going to take a trip down to Florida.

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I'm going to call my wife.

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I'm going to tell her not to go home to New York, just come down to Florida and meet me and let's enjoy the warm weather together.

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He sent the email and she was glad to receive it, happy that he had thought of her and the vacation and spending some time together and getting warm, especially after

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this business trip.

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When he got to Florida, he decided that he would go ahead and email his wife again to let her know that he had arrived and he began to type the email and forward

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it on.

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But instead of typing in her address, he accidentally missed a couple of keys and it accidentally sent it to an old lady who was

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living in Iowa.

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Unfortunately, this lady had just experienced the passing of her husband, and she opened up the email and she began to read it.

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And all of a sudden, all of a sudden, her family heard all these screams.

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And they walked into the room and they noticed she had fainted on the floor.

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And they looked up at the computer screen and began to read the email.

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Dearest darling, just wanted you to know I arrived safely.

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Looking forward to you being with me tomorrow.

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Signed your husband.

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Communication.

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Good.

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Communication is important.

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Do you know that the average person and a single day speaks enough to fill up 50 pages in

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a book?

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In fact, we talk so much that we can fill 132 books of 200 pages each year.

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That's for guys, men and women, right?

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That's a lot of communication.

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And God built us for relationships.

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We've seen that communicated through his word.

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Time and time again as a church, he created us in his image.

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And when he created us in his image, the Bible gets very specific.

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And the way God creates us in the beginning, he designs this whole world, this whole world, and all the animals and everything contained within it.

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But when he gets to man, he sort of takes a pause to begin to explain the significance of who we are as creatures.

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And it says that he forms us out of his hands, and then he breathes into us the breath of life, different than any

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other creature that God has designed.

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God places his Spirit within us, and for the first time, one of God's creations is able to socially interact back with God.

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Experiencing a relationship with him.

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We find our purpose and fulfillment as we connect to God relationally.

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Not only that, but he also created people.

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He looked at man and said, that is not good.

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When he first created him, didn't he?

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He said, I will make you a helper.

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And the two of you shall become one flesh.

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In fact, throughout Scripture, God continues to describe for us the unity that he desires among his people.

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He says in John 17, I will be in them, and you will be in me, and that they may be perfected in unity.

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Unique in Scripture to see that the perfection of us as people comes through relationship with Christ.

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God desires to dwell among us.

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It tells us in second Corinthians six.

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In John 13, Jesus gave us the greatest command to love one another.

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He tells us in second Timothy 222, pursue righteousness, faith and charity, and peace with them who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

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It means God's desire for us is to gather with a congregation of people who seek after Christ and want to grow close to him, to encourage one another in that relationship.

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Relationships and commuting.

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The communicating that relationship about God to one another is significant and close to the heart of God, and there is no more powerful place

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in your life that you have opportunity to do that than the confines of your own home with your family.

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It's important for us to share the beauty of a relationship with Christ and what God is doing in our own lives with our family.

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The family is the many expression of the church.

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You know what God tells us about communication as we look at it through this, through Scripture.

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It's a communication in the very beginning of creation.

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Met some complications and it came in the form of sin.

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God breathed into us the breath of life.

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Man chose something contrary to God.

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Sin came in the world.

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It says in Genesis three eight, I don't know why that's like that, but just ignore that for a minute.

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Genesis three eight.

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At the very top it says, and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord.

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That quote from Scripture just came right after Adam and Eve were told by God not to eat of the fruit.

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Eve went and partook of the fruit.

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Adam then ate of the fruit, and it says when they realized that they were naked, they realized that they were sinners.

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They hid themselves from the presence of God.

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When sin came into this world, the unity that God desired divided rather than

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get near to God in their sin.

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Adam and Eve ran and hid.

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We find ourselves doing that often as people.

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We even think about church that way, sometimes wrongfully.

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I'm a sinner.

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I can't go to church yet.

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I've got to get my life right and then I can go right.

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Well, Jesus teaches us in this passage of Scripture in three eight is that very early on, right after Adam and Eve sinned?

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It tells us in verse ten that God starts pursuing Adam and Eve.

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Adam, where are you?

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Adam, where are you?

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And he confronts Adam in his sin.

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And Adam tells him, listen, I ate of the fruit, and I hid from you because of the shame that it brought into my life.

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While we as people want to run away from God in the middle of our sin, God is crazy about pursuing you and reuniting that relationship that he had with

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us before sin came into our lives.

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I like what Adam does.

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He's a just a great man.

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He brings in the first marital fight.

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First marital fight.

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Ladies, if you want to know what's caused by Adam, okay, we'll take the blame for this.

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But he says in verse 11, when God first comes and confronts Adam about the sin that they've that they've done in the Garden of Eden, Adam says this.

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He just throws his wife right under that bus.

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And he said, who told you that you were naked?

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Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?

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The man said, the woman whom you gave me gave to be with me.

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She gave me from the tree, and I ate.

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It's her fault, God.

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Now listen.

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Don't just ignore what went in my mouth.

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It's.

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It's all her.

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And then she goes on to tell the lady in verse 16 he says.

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And your desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.

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And to the man he said, since you listened to your wife and ate from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat.

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The ground is cursed because of you.

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And what we find in verses eight of Genesis and verse 16 of Genesis, verse eight, it tells us, listen, there's now problems with

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our relationship with God because of sin.

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Verse 16 and 17 it begins to tell us, listen, there are problems with your relationships with people, especially in your married life, because of

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sin.

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It goes on to tell us in Galatians 520, discord.

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Listen, this is the this is the fruit of the flesh we talk about in this passage of Scripture.

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This is what flesh looks like, and this is what the Spirit of God looks like when it works in our lives.

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In verse 20, he's talking specifically about the flesh.

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God desires unity.

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God desires oneness among his people.

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God desires a relationship with us, working together as God's children, following after him.

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But he says, when the flesh is at work in our lives, this is what we begin to experience.

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Discord happens.

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Jealousy happens.

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Fits of rage, selfish ambitions, dissensions and factions.

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Everything that divides us as people.

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That's what takes place when God is working in our lives.

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We find unity when sin is working in our lives.

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We find dissension and factions disunity among us as people.

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God desires for us to be one in relationship to him and with one another.

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Standing with one another in love and truth.

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Tells us we've seen together in the book of Ephesians how much God pursues a relationship with us.

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And we last week started to open up the book of Ephesians.

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It's very important to understand relationships in general, especially our relationship to a husband and wife.

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The first three chapters of Genesis.

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All it is just an explanation of the gospel.

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This is what God has done for you.

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Beginning in chapter four, God then begins to apply it to our lives.

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Since God has done this for you, this is how we should live in this world.

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And knowing Jesus with one another.

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As we walk hand in hand with our God, it tells us that God was so crazy about a relationship with us.

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Look at look at this in verse chapter two and verse 14, he starts talking about reconciliation to himself and reconciliation with one another.

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He says, For he himself is our peace.

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Who made both groups in this passage of Scripture, he's referring to Gentile and Jew who are warring against one another.

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And he's saying, who made both groups into one and broke down the barrier of the dividing wall.

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All of Ephesians chapter two is very specific to the gospel.

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And Jesus is saying to us, when sin entered into our world, we had no peace in our relationship with God.

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We had no peace in our relationship with one another.

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And apart from God bringing it into this world, we'd never experience it.

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But God became that peace for us.

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And in the middle of the argument that's existing within the church of Ephesus, he says, I've knocked down that barrier of dissension, and

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what I'm after is your oneness.

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The book of Ephesians is a beautiful book for us as people, just to look through its pages and understand that God has a plan for us to function

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in this world relationally, with other people.

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And knowing Jesus and how we live for him in this world is important to God.

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In fact, Ephesians chapter four, as it begins to explain for us how we live for the Lord in this world, he uses, he

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begins to use the word walk in Ephesians four one.

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It says walk in a manner which is worthy of the calling with which you have been called.

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Walk no longer as the Gentiles walk.

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It's important for us as people to walk in love, having known the Lord, to walk as children of light in

00:16:39.840 --> 00:16:40.420
verse 15.

00:16:40.440 --> 00:16:41.960
To be careful how one walks.

00:16:44.340 --> 00:16:50.280
Paul gives this idea in the book of Ephesus that as we're journeying in this world, it's sort of like a walk.

00:16:50.480 --> 00:16:53.100
It's a walk with God by our side, and it's a walk before others.

00:16:54.700 --> 00:17:01.840
And as we're walking around in our relationship with God, it takes the opportunity at that slow pace for everyone to be able to examine us in the way that we're choosing to

00:17:01.880 --> 00:17:08.569
live our lives, and in so doing, begin to see Christ manifested in our relationship in the way that we choose to live before others.

00:17:10.380 --> 00:17:17.440
God is concerned not only with your relationship with him, but how we walk before others and how that relationship is played out before

00:17:17.440 --> 00:17:17.640
others.

00:17:19.020 --> 00:17:23.720
He even goes on to say, not only is he concerned with your walk, but he's concerned with our unity as well.

00:17:23.780 --> 00:17:29.040
He says in verse three, be diligent to preserve the unity of the spirit and the bond of peace.

00:17:29.580 --> 00:17:34.580
We are one body, one spirit, one hope, one Lord, one baptism, one God and Father of all.

00:17:34.600 --> 00:17:38.200
God is emphasizing the unity that he desires to bring into this world.

00:17:38.320 --> 00:17:45.580
When sin is separated from us and we live in a right relationship with him and seeking to live in the right relationship with others.

00:17:46.120 --> 00:17:49.820
Notice the very first part, the words that I've underlined there, he says, be diligent.

00:17:51.780 --> 00:17:59.060
Meaning this as you've walked in this world for the Lord, you've noticed that to have godly relationships

00:17:59.080 --> 00:18:01.900
with other people is difficult, isn't it?

00:18:03.300 --> 00:18:09.640
I always say the greatest thing about ministry is people, and the worst thing about ministry is people.

00:18:11.100 --> 00:18:13.110
I mean, there are ups and downs in your relationship.

00:18:13.300 --> 00:18:21.120
And what Paul says to us in this passage of Scripture is we've got to make effort to live in that oneness, because personalities rub

00:18:21.120 --> 00:18:22.570
raw on one another, don't they?

00:18:23.470 --> 00:18:26.480
Be diligent to preserve the unity.

00:18:26.560 --> 00:18:33.920
God is concerned with the way we choose to live in this world, and he's especially concerned with the way that we choose to live our relationship before

00:18:33.920 --> 00:18:34.100
others.

00:18:36.320 --> 00:18:43.480
And what's interesting to me, as I've looked at the book of Ephesians, the way that God has expressed his the gospel

00:18:43.480 --> 00:18:44.880
to us that Jesus came to this world.

00:18:44.960 --> 00:18:47.500
He died for our sins, that we might be reconciled to him.

00:18:47.500 --> 00:18:47.860
That's it.

00:18:47.960 --> 00:18:48.560
That is the gospel.

00:18:48.720 --> 00:18:50.000
Jesus did it all.

00:18:50.860 --> 00:18:58.040
And so expressing our love towards God and so surrendering ourselves to Christ and accepting what he's done on our behalf, God becomes

00:18:58.040 --> 00:19:05.180
concerned for the way that we communicate this to the world, and he starts out of all things, the way that we begin

00:19:05.180 --> 00:19:11.680
to communicate towards one another, the way that we should communicate within our own families starts on the foundation of truth.

00:19:13.260 --> 00:19:14.190
We think about communication.

00:19:14.440 --> 00:19:16.000
We think about what God wants for our families.

00:19:16.000 --> 00:19:18.220
It always starts in the avenue of truth.

00:19:20.000 --> 00:19:28.320
Last week we looked together the importance of establishing a home where it's grace filled, where

00:19:28.320 --> 00:19:35.620
when we walk into the doors, we feel the opportunity to speak freely, even in the midst of our sin, that God could find healing for us among

00:19:35.620 --> 00:19:42.680
our own family, and begin to use our family as a tool and resource to help us to change Within

00:19:42.680 --> 00:19:43.380
our families.

00:19:43.460 --> 00:19:47.510
It's important to provide a place for us to communicate truth to one another.

00:19:49.060 --> 00:19:54.310
To know that as husband and wife, at points, you're going to feel each other.

00:19:55.800 --> 00:19:58.300
To know that your children at points are going to fail you.

00:19:59.480 --> 00:20:03.290
To know as a parent, as parents, at points, you're even going to fail your children.

00:20:03.760 --> 00:20:05.780
But you need a place where you can communicate truth.

00:20:06.000 --> 00:20:13.000
Because when truth is able to be communicated, you then begin to pursue how to make a change and how to grow together and how to walk in

00:20:13.000 --> 00:20:14.160
unity and love.

00:20:16.060 --> 00:20:19.900
He says in verse 25, notice the first word that he starts with.

00:20:19.900 --> 00:20:20.540
It's significant.

00:20:20.540 --> 00:20:23.620
Anytime you see this word in Scripture, you got to ask, what therefore is there for?

00:20:25.240 --> 00:20:32.240
He's just explained to us the entire gospel, and he's saying to us, therefore, because you know this gospel, it's important to

00:20:32.480 --> 00:20:33.200
speak truth.

00:20:34.600 --> 00:20:37.720
When you find truth, you know how significant it is to share with other people.

00:20:38.320 --> 00:20:44.160
Truth is the direction that we pursue as people, and we want to find our purpose in God when we discover it.

00:20:44.200 --> 00:20:45.460
We understand that truth.

00:20:45.460 --> 00:20:47.840
It's important that our family discover that truth with us.

00:20:47.940 --> 00:20:52.650
That way, we can get on that journey together and pursue what God desires for us together.

00:20:54.780 --> 00:21:01.930
Therefore, he says, it is significant to your lives and to your relationships that you are honest with one another and that you speak truth.

00:21:04.380 --> 00:21:06.680
Satan first moved into Lehi.

00:21:08.220 --> 00:21:13.780
I, being the wonderful husband that I am, decided that we were going to go on a romantic walk together.

00:21:14.800 --> 00:21:21.440
And before we left on this walk, I even went out and scouted out the area, surveyed the area on this beautiful walk in our new neighborhood.

00:21:21.560 --> 00:21:25.780
We just we just moved into looking forward to having this time together.

00:21:25.820 --> 00:21:27.060
And we started our journey.

00:21:27.060 --> 00:21:32.120
And at one point since since I'm from back east and there's lots of trees back east, I wanted to walk through the woods.

00:21:33.220 --> 00:21:36.120
And so a part of our journey went through the woods.

00:21:36.120 --> 00:21:39.920
And right when we got to the beginning of the entrance of this woods, it was getting a little bit dark.

00:21:40.160 --> 00:21:42.900
Stacy took one look down this trail and said, I'm not going.

00:21:44.470 --> 00:21:50.840
Which left us at that opportune time to come up with a new idea on how we were going to make the journey back to our vehicle and back to our house.

00:21:51.700 --> 00:21:54.840
And so we started this new trail together, of which we had never been on.

00:21:55.760 --> 00:22:01.640
And we were just saying to ourselves as we went up every street together, just one more street up and over, and we'll be able to find our way back.

00:22:01.720 --> 00:22:02.140
There'll be an opening.

00:22:02.320 --> 00:22:02.860
There's got to be.

00:22:03.360 --> 00:22:05.360
And we take that street and we'd get there and.

00:22:05.860 --> 00:22:06.380
And then there would.

00:22:06.540 --> 00:22:08.700
We wouldn't find the opening that we needed to get back to our vehicle.

00:22:09.260 --> 00:22:12.240
And then we'd say to ourselves to go back the way we came.

00:22:12.260 --> 00:22:12.810
Looks a little far.

00:22:12.880 --> 00:22:13.580
Let's just keep going.

00:22:13.900 --> 00:22:17.890
So we'd keep going together and we would make the next turn looking, oh, it's going to be here.

00:22:17.920 --> 00:22:19.800
We know as soon as we round this corner we're going to find our way back.

00:22:20.120 --> 00:22:21.240
We didn't find our way back.

00:22:22.160 --> 00:22:26.200
The problem was, we had allotted for ourselves just a couple of hours on this journey, and I had an appointment to get to.

00:22:26.840 --> 00:22:31.700
And so tension just really started to build in our relationship at that moment because we couldn't find our way back.

00:22:31.700 --> 00:22:36.940
If she had just walked through those woods, it's time for her to be a man and eat a couple spiders if she has to.

00:22:37.300 --> 00:22:40.360
Right Too stubborn to turn back.

00:22:40.420 --> 00:22:41.480
We continued on the journey.

00:22:41.820 --> 00:22:44.080
About four hours later, we were back home.

00:22:44.280 --> 00:22:51.300
You know, it was important for us in that moment to have a little bit of truth on where that road was going to

00:22:51.300 --> 00:22:51.620
lead us.

00:22:52.840 --> 00:22:55.940
But we definitely lacked it.

00:22:56.820 --> 00:23:00.630
You know, when you look in this world, there are many families who are functioning that way.

00:23:01.500 --> 00:23:08.540
They have no direct goal in what they want to achieve together, because they have no understanding of their own significance and purpose in this life.

00:23:10.060 --> 00:23:17.150
And what they need is a little bit of God's truth to give them purpose and direction as a family, that they may enjoy that journey together,

00:23:17.840 --> 00:23:21.890
that they may see how that road lays out for what God desires for them.

00:23:23.500 --> 00:23:30.010
It's important as family to be on a journey with God to discover his truth.

00:23:30.920 --> 00:23:38.160
And when you find his truth, to learn how to live that together in such a way that it brings unity and truth both with

00:23:38.160 --> 00:23:40.060
your God and with your family.

00:23:41.820 --> 00:23:46.060
Jesus said in John 17, you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

00:23:46.120 --> 00:23:47.420
That is not just a quote from a movie.

00:23:48.960 --> 00:23:56.000
Knowing truth brings freedom not just to my life, but also to the lives of my loved ones and even to the life

00:23:56.000 --> 00:23:56.520
of your church.

00:23:58.580 --> 00:24:03.500
It's important as a family that you understand the significance of truth.

00:24:04.600 --> 00:24:08.460
Can I pause right here for a moment and just highlight when speaking the truth?

00:24:08.460 --> 00:24:15.500
Therefore, speak the truth to one another, that it's also important for us as families to take the time to share what God's

00:24:15.540 --> 00:24:16.620
doing in our lives together.

00:24:18.280 --> 00:24:23.620
It doesn't have to be anything elaborate or overdone or take a whole lot of planning.

00:24:23.620 --> 00:24:27.400
You know, just simply look as parents, just to find a significant Bible verse.

00:24:27.520 --> 00:24:33.120
1 or 2 Bible verses sit together one evening around the table, spend some time together around a table, maybe one day a week.

00:24:33.180 --> 00:24:34.880
Pick some time and just ask.

00:24:35.260 --> 00:24:36.020
Share a verse.

00:24:36.020 --> 00:24:37.840
Ask your children what they think about a verse.

00:24:38.200 --> 00:24:39.260
Share some thoughts as a parents.

00:24:39.500 --> 00:24:41.640
Take 5 or 6 minutes to do it and move on.

00:24:43.200 --> 00:24:48.470
Plant the seed to give God the opportunity to begin to work in your heart and change not only you as a person, but your family as well.

00:24:49.420 --> 00:24:52.980
God can't make the change in your life unless his truth is being administered.

00:24:53.000 --> 00:25:00.040
But if you give him the opportunity to even pray as a family or share just a snippet of his Word together, God can use that to begin to work in your hearts, to

00:25:00.040 --> 00:25:02.520
make a change and get on a path towards God's truth.

00:25:04.980 --> 00:25:10.020
Building a Christ centered family starts with communication, and that communication has to be centered on the truth.

00:25:10.300 --> 00:25:11.230
It's how we solve problems.

00:25:11.540 --> 00:25:12.640
It's how we grow together.

00:25:15.040 --> 00:25:21.120
Second, godly communication comes by sharing God's heart with God's timing.

00:25:23.540 --> 00:25:30.860
You know, to be honest, there are times when we get so frustrated with each other and even

00:25:30.860 --> 00:25:35.790
in our own homes that we say things to each other we wouldn't even think about saying to anybody else.

00:25:37.800 --> 00:25:41.740
And some of the statements may be you, as husbands, that we need to repent of before our wives.

00:25:41.880 --> 00:25:45.640
When we've lost our tempers, we wouldn't even dream about saying before our bosses.

00:25:49.120 --> 00:25:52.880
The next verse in Ephesians, as we've seen in verse 25 and verse 26, addresses that.

00:25:53.160 --> 00:25:54.640
He says, be angry.

00:25:55.300 --> 00:25:59.460
Guys, ladies don't sin.

00:25:59.680 --> 00:26:02.900
Don't let the sun go down on your anger and give no opportunity for the devil.

00:26:03.020 --> 00:26:06.820
Because when we act angry, we bring discord among our family.

00:26:06.960 --> 00:26:07.440
It's not unity.

00:26:08.920 --> 00:26:12.920
And who works in an opportunity like that is nothing godly but Satan himself.

00:26:15.460 --> 00:26:16.160
You know, it's possible.

00:26:17.180 --> 00:26:19.800
If you've studied the scripture, anger can be a godly thing.

00:26:20.100 --> 00:26:24.090
Now I'll say 99.9 repeated percent times.

00:26:24.220 --> 00:26:26.540
Anger is not used in a godly way.

00:26:28.240 --> 00:26:30.320
You know one thing that Jesus was angry against?

00:26:32.480 --> 00:26:39.860
Jesus hated Sin because when sin was present, he understood that it accomplished

00:26:39.860 --> 00:26:43.420
one thing in the lives of the relationship between he and his people.

00:26:43.440 --> 00:26:44.240
It brought division.

00:26:45.080 --> 00:26:46.160
And see he hated.

00:26:46.160 --> 00:26:51.780
He was passionate against anything that stood in the way of a relationship between he and you.

00:26:53.600 --> 00:27:00.660
So much so that he came all the way to this world to die for our sins, to prove to you how much he desired to be one in a relationship

00:27:00.660 --> 00:27:02.430
with you.

00:27:03.580 --> 00:27:06.100
We talk about being angry and do not sin.

00:27:06.100 --> 00:27:14.120
When we look at our own families, we become frustrated with anything that brings division among us as people within our own homes, even

00:27:14.120 --> 00:27:15.040
within our own lives.

00:27:16.400 --> 00:27:21.240
Because God's desires for us to walk hand in hand with him and hand in hand with one another.

00:27:22.780 --> 00:27:27.280
You know, there's usually two ways in which we react angry and it's and it's done in an ungodly way.

00:27:28.360 --> 00:27:29.820
First is we blow up.

00:27:30.960 --> 00:27:31.560
You ever seen those people?

00:27:31.980 --> 00:27:32.420
Maybe.

00:27:32.580 --> 00:27:34.160
Maybe you are one of those people.

00:27:35.120 --> 00:27:37.920
You get so frustrated about something you can't hold it in anymore, and all of a sudden you blow up.

00:27:37.920 --> 00:27:45.040
It's even a popular form of counseling that you'll bring the counseling to the counselors class, and sometimes they'll bring the person they're mad at, and they'll

00:27:45.040 --> 00:27:50.600
take pillows and just hit each other, let out your rage, just scream at the top of your lungs until you feel better.

00:27:51.340 --> 00:27:52.430
Which is fine for the counseling.

00:27:52.780 --> 00:27:55.610
It just does nothing for the person they're dumping all over.

00:27:57.660 --> 00:27:58.860
Be angry and do not sin.

00:27:58.860 --> 00:28:00.120
Blowing up is ungodly.

00:28:01.040 --> 00:28:02.780
Ventilation is unchristian.

00:28:03.620 --> 00:28:08.270
See, there's a way to be angry at the sin that divides, but still love the people who are a part of the situation.

00:28:10.100 --> 00:28:15.860
The other way that we tend to be angry as people and this is this is for those who are more quiet, is that we tend to clam up sometimes.

00:28:17.600 --> 00:28:21.300
We don't express the need that we're experiencing in our own lives.

00:28:21.300 --> 00:28:28.360
There was a story of a lady who she went before this counselor because she had all of these ulcers, and she had gone to

00:28:28.360 --> 00:28:29.090
the doctor before.

00:28:29.420 --> 00:28:32.160
And the doctor told her, it's nothing medically that's wrong with you.

00:28:32.200 --> 00:28:34.220
It's something that's just frustrating, that's creating these ulcers.

00:28:34.540 --> 00:28:40.480
And so she grabbed her husband by the arm, and she comes to this counselor's office and brings them in and says, we're here because we need counseling.

00:28:42.340 --> 00:28:44.860
And she takes this giant notebook and she throws it down.

00:28:44.900 --> 00:28:49.020
She says, and this is a list of everything that my husband has done wrong with me.

00:28:51.580 --> 00:28:55.720
Of which the counselor sat for a moment to allow the lady to calm down.

00:28:55.760 --> 00:29:03.140
And he just simply said to her, this may be a book of everything that your husband's done wrong with you,

00:29:04.020 --> 00:29:11.680
but it's also a book of every injustice that you've brought against him, because the Bible tells us in first Corinthians 13 five, love

00:29:11.680 --> 00:29:21.660
keeps no record of

00:29:21.660 --> 00:29:21.660
wrong.

00:29:21.660 --> 00:29:22.380
Don't clam up and don't blow up.

00:29:24.500 --> 00:29:33.600
It's okay to be frustrated with the things that divide your family, but don't attack the people that God has called you to love There's

00:29:33.600 --> 00:29:40.290
a way that I call Matthews Way in which I think God has given us to handle problems in our lives.

00:29:41.880 --> 00:29:45.740
First, I want to encourage you as a family when you're facing any sort of trial together.

00:29:46.000 --> 00:29:53.090
According to Matthew chapter seven, he tells us, take the log out of your own eye before you take the splinter out of your friends.

00:29:55.100 --> 00:30:00.880
Meaning, when our family is encountering problems together and we need to communicate about it with one another in order to progress out of it.

00:30:01.000 --> 00:30:08.000
Just to be honest and truthful, I need to first be humble in the circumstance and the way that I'm humble as I come before

00:30:08.020 --> 00:30:09.920
my own family and I admit my faults.

00:30:11.400 --> 00:30:12.520
You know what that says to your family?

00:30:12.620 --> 00:30:20.260
That you're not there to just attack them, but you're willing to open yourself up and let yourself be vulnerable for the sake of

00:30:20.360 --> 00:30:22.460
unity among your family.

00:30:24.320 --> 00:30:28.440
You know, I've met people in this world that, we look at the first point, we need to share truth together.

00:30:28.860 --> 00:30:36.240
And they say, okay, I'll share truth And then all of a sudden they go before the person that's causing such problem and they're just so bluntly honest towards them that it just creates

00:30:36.240 --> 00:30:38.050
a wall and a barrier and it makes you get all defensive.

00:30:38.220 --> 00:30:39.800
Oh, you're honest with them, that's fine.

00:30:39.800 --> 00:30:41.680
But you're also not very loving towards them.

00:30:43.860 --> 00:30:48.760
But coming before them and just admitting, listen, I've got faults and I want to work on this as a person.

00:30:49.240 --> 00:30:53.510
And, I feel I feel this way in our family right now.

00:30:53.820 --> 00:30:55.200
And I think it's because of this.

00:30:55.360 --> 00:30:56.360
Will you help me to work on it?

00:30:56.360 --> 00:31:00.540
Because there's something that's so important to me, and that is just our relationship together.

00:31:01.500 --> 00:31:05.940
And what I'm interested in is just being able to love and live the way God has called us to.

00:31:07.160 --> 00:31:14.160
The Bible goes on to say, even in Matthew chapter five, if you have wronged someone, even in a church service, if you're coming together

00:31:14.160 --> 00:31:21.380
here this morning and you're beginning to worship, if you think in your mind and you've got some kind of burden that you're just bearing about the relationship with

00:31:21.440 --> 00:31:22.320
someone that you've wronged.

00:31:23.060 --> 00:31:30.200
It tells us in this passage of Scripture to go before that person and make that relationship right before you come before God and worship That's

00:31:30.200 --> 00:31:31.220
good, right?

00:31:31.240 --> 00:31:32.400
If I've wronged someone, I should do that.

00:31:32.440 --> 00:31:33.440
That's the godly thing.

00:31:33.480 --> 00:31:35.290
I like what Matthew says next, though.

00:31:36.080 --> 00:31:43.180
He says in verse 18, if you're gathering to worship again and you think of someone that's wronged you, they've done

00:31:43.180 --> 00:31:45.700
the thing wrong to you and your relationship isn't right.

00:31:46.260 --> 00:31:50.100
He says, go to them and make that relationship right.

00:31:51.000 --> 00:31:56.100
Essentially, what Matthew is saying is you as a believer in Jesus because of that walk that God is so interested in.

00:31:56.140 --> 00:32:01.520
At no point in your life do you not bear the responsibility of seeking a right relationship with man.

00:32:02.460 --> 00:32:04.870
The Bible tells us to seek peace with all people.

00:32:07.500 --> 00:32:14.660
If you can't think of anything in this world as you consider making relationships right with people, if you can't think of anything to say to someone who's wronged you,

00:32:14.920 --> 00:32:15.420
start by this.

00:32:17.180 --> 00:32:19.210
I'm sorry it took me so long to come and talk to you.

00:32:21.940 --> 00:32:22.620
But I need to say something.

00:32:24.750 --> 00:32:29.020
This problem between us has caused so much pain in my life.

00:32:29.880 --> 00:32:31.610
I can't stop thinking about it.

00:32:32.320 --> 00:32:35.700
And I'm not okay with the tension that's between you and I.

00:32:36.360 --> 00:32:38.200
And I just want to find forgiveness in it.

00:32:38.240 --> 00:32:39.250
And I just want to make it right.

00:32:41.500 --> 00:32:46.110
God's desire for us is to share his heart according to his timing.

00:32:47.660 --> 00:32:50.720
Notice it says in this passage, don't let the sun go down on your anger.

00:32:51.040 --> 00:32:52.580
Give no opportunity to the devil.

00:32:52.580 --> 00:32:59.800
It says in verse 26 and 27 of Ephesians, Matthew says this for us as people sufficient

00:32:59.800 --> 00:33:01.280
unto the day is the trouble thereof.

00:33:03.560 --> 00:33:07.060
Don't let the sun go down on your anger, because sufficient to the day is the trouble thereof.

00:33:08.360 --> 00:33:13.880
Meaning God only made your shoulders so big, and the problems that you're experiencing in your family if you.

00:33:13.960 --> 00:33:15.560
If you've got any problems, I'm sure you do.

00:33:15.560 --> 00:33:16.280
We're all normal, right?

00:33:16.980 --> 00:33:18.680
You can only bear that burden for that day.

00:33:19.500 --> 00:33:24.400
And when you start carrying the problems of the past and looking to the problems of the future, it is too overwhelming for you to handle.

00:33:24.740 --> 00:33:31.300
And you're going to be a bear for your family And what happens to us when we don't seek to reconcile those relationships.

00:33:31.720 --> 00:33:38.260
We go to bed with harboring unforgiveness and resentment, and the next time an argument starts, guess what I've got waiting in the wing?

00:33:38.280 --> 00:33:39.180
I've got this artillery.

00:33:39.460 --> 00:33:41.540
Artillery to start World War three.

00:33:41.820 --> 00:33:43.100
On our relationship at that moment.

00:33:43.560 --> 00:33:44.360
You're accusing me of this?

00:33:44.880 --> 00:33:46.040
Well, guess what you did, buddy.

00:33:46.940 --> 00:33:48.820
And out comes the bombs, right?

00:33:51.490 --> 00:33:55.050
The Bible tells us sufficient for the day.

00:33:56.620 --> 00:33:57.640
Don't let the problems subside.

00:34:00.240 --> 00:34:03.350
Carry God's attitude towards the problems that you face.

00:34:03.680 --> 00:34:04.020
Be angry.

00:34:04.400 --> 00:34:06.840
It's okay that you're upset over things that divide.

00:34:06.840 --> 00:34:08.400
But don't let the sun go down on that.

00:34:08.620 --> 00:34:15.739
Because what's important to God above everything else is the unity among your family as you truthfully follow

00:34:15.739 --> 00:34:16.590
him.

00:34:17.620 --> 00:34:19.120
Be diligent in understanding.

00:34:19.600 --> 00:34:23.639
Sin will come, but it's our responsibility to bring that unity with one another.

00:34:24.880 --> 00:34:30.699
Guys, what it requires us to do is get a little tired and communicate more sometimes, doesn't it?

00:34:30.880 --> 00:34:33.429
To not maybe clam up or blow up as often.

00:34:33.739 --> 00:34:34.820
Temptation may arise.

00:34:36.880 --> 00:34:43.199
Number three, he tells us in the very next verse of Ephesians 429, godly communication is proactive.

00:34:43.480 --> 00:34:44.340
It's not just reactive.

00:34:46.060 --> 00:34:48.960
Meaning this when we have problems, we react to that.

00:34:49.040 --> 00:34:51.840
We try to solve it as a family, but we don't stop there.

00:34:53.000 --> 00:34:55.920
Our goal in life isn't just to solve problems in our family.

00:34:55.940 --> 00:34:58.760
Who wants to be in a family like that all day long?

00:34:58.760 --> 00:34:59.800
It becomes your responsibility.

00:35:00.020 --> 00:35:00.300
It's not.

00:35:00.600 --> 00:35:06.110
It's not an enjoyable one, but it says that we need to be proactive as well as reactive.

00:35:06.440 --> 00:35:09.960
It says in verse 29, let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths.

00:35:10.400 --> 00:35:13.200
Corrupting talk isn't a foul language, okay?

00:35:13.260 --> 00:35:16.560
Although, kids, this isn't an encouragement to use foul words, okay?

00:35:17.180 --> 00:35:19.440
Corrupting talk is anything that tears down.

00:35:21.080 --> 00:35:23.800
Let nothing that's going to tear down your family come out of your mouth.

00:35:23.880 --> 00:35:29.370
Now we understand truthfulness sometimes hurts, but the point of truthfulness is to build us back up into God's direction.

00:35:30.580 --> 00:35:37.740
Together, let no corrupting talk come out of your mouth, but only such as is good for building up as

00:35:37.740 --> 00:35:42.340
fits the occasion that it may give grace to those who hear.

00:35:44.080 --> 00:35:46.420
God desires for us to build up one another.

00:35:48.280 --> 00:35:52.460
Can I say, parents, don't let your kids tear down your spouse in front of you.

00:35:53.660 --> 00:35:57.600
Parents, don't tear down your spouse in front of your kids.

00:35:58.760 --> 00:36:05.780
That's one of the worst things that kids can learn in a household when they're trying to see from mom and dad how to live a godly life and how to grow

00:36:05.780 --> 00:36:06.850
a godly family.

00:36:07.540 --> 00:36:09.930
Because one day your example is what they'll mimic.

00:36:12.980 --> 00:36:13.720
Build one another up.

00:36:15.040 --> 00:36:17.760
There's a survey that was done by a group of counselors.

00:36:18.940 --> 00:36:23.760
They interviewed 300 couples that had been married for at least 15 years.

00:36:24.560 --> 00:36:27.780
That described themselves as being happily married.

00:36:29.220 --> 00:36:33.580
And these this group agreed that marriage made them happy in the following areas.

00:36:34.200 --> 00:36:41.040
They said having a generous, positive attitude towards one's spouse and viewing their partner as one's best friend.

00:36:41.880 --> 00:36:42.940
This couple, this.

00:36:43.120 --> 00:36:49.700
The couple said, I am married to someone who cares about me, who is concerned for my well-being, who gives as much or more than he gets.

00:36:50.160 --> 00:36:57.020
He or she gets in the relationship, who is open and trustworthy, and who is not mired down in a somber, bleak outlook on life.

00:36:58.160 --> 00:37:03.260
The second key, they said, to a successful marriage, was a belief in importance to commitment towards one another.

00:37:04.020 --> 00:37:08.700
Marriage was viewed as something people stick with and work to develop in spite of difficult times.

00:37:09.700 --> 00:37:11.190
Jesus even told us they'd come.

00:37:11.920 --> 00:37:16.220
In addition, they also agreed about the aims and goals in life, and they had a desire to make the marriages succeed.

00:37:17.280 --> 00:37:18.000
That's important.

00:37:18.040 --> 00:37:25.260
The last two parts, I mean, there's going to be trouble, but we need to have truth that gives us the absolute goals that we need to follow as a family, but the family

00:37:25.260 --> 00:37:27.420
had a general positive attitude towards one another.

00:37:27.480 --> 00:37:34.600
And let me just tell you, it's because maybe without even knowing it, they begin to apply this verse to their lives, their communicating

00:37:34.600 --> 00:37:41.940
language, in such a way that built one another up, that gave them an opportunity to trust in each other, to rely upon each other, and made the marriage such a positive

00:37:42.160 --> 00:37:43.000
place to be.

00:37:44.420 --> 00:37:51.800
These same counselors noted within married couples that they warned about what they called the silent eighth

00:37:52.060 --> 00:37:55.740
year of marriage as they studied married couples.

00:37:55.740 --> 00:38:02.780
One of the things that they've discovered is that married couples only speak to one another 27 minutes a week, and

00:38:02.780 --> 00:38:05.020
any important dialogue just face to face.

00:38:05.980 --> 00:38:13.140
But the eighth year, for some reason, out of all the years, that number dwindled all the way down to ten minutes a

00:38:13.140 --> 00:38:16.460
week, that lived in silence.

00:38:16.460 --> 00:38:19.680
And the expectation was, well, we know each other well enough so we don't have to communicate.

00:38:20.220 --> 00:38:25.920
But can I tell you as people this morning we can't live on the past in our relationships.

00:38:28.080 --> 00:38:34.060
If we want to progress and grow together, it's important for us to continue to walk to each other because as people, we're always changing.

00:38:34.360 --> 00:38:38.860
Here's how I know because God is always working within us and changing us into something different than what we were the day before.

00:38:40.020 --> 00:38:44.260
And so it becomes important for not only to live on past memories together, but to grow future ones.

00:38:45.120 --> 00:38:47.060
Can you remember your dating years right?

00:38:48.360 --> 00:38:51.900
I love him, she thinks I'm wonderful, right?

00:38:52.320 --> 00:38:53.480
You walked into the kitchen one day.

00:38:53.520 --> 00:38:54.470
She had you pop open the door.

00:38:54.640 --> 00:38:56.160
You thought you were just the manliest man.

00:38:56.420 --> 00:38:57.290
Any more jars?

00:38:57.380 --> 00:38:58.180
You want me to open up?

00:38:58.190 --> 00:39:00.240
Honey, you know I love you all.

00:39:01.800 --> 00:39:02.010
In the beginning.

00:39:02.920 --> 00:39:03.920
Newlywed stage.

00:39:04.980 --> 00:39:06.140
You know what made that so special?

00:39:07.780 --> 00:39:10.360
It's because of that opportunity and that time in your marriage.

00:39:10.540 --> 00:39:12.980
You were investing in the lives of one another.

00:39:14.580 --> 00:39:15.260
You're building each other up.

00:39:16.880 --> 00:39:18.080
That's a godly thing.

00:39:19.280 --> 00:39:26.420
That's why as a church, as a part of this series, one of the things that we're going to provide for you as parents is just a date night opportunity where we're

00:39:26.420 --> 00:39:33.240
going to bring in some babysitters here and let you go out on a date and just start working on building that relationship up.

00:39:35.240 --> 00:39:42.200
There's a story about a young lady named Mary, and she had all sorts of facial deformities.

00:39:43.340 --> 00:39:50.460
She was different, and she really didn't like going to school because of the jokes and stares of the cruel children that would tease

00:39:50.460 --> 00:39:50.910
her.

00:39:52.480 --> 00:39:57.460
Mary often wondered if anyone outside of her family would ever love her because she felt so different.

00:39:59.460 --> 00:40:04.780
One day, the children went into their new classroom together, and teacher, by the name of Mrs.

00:40:04.780 --> 00:40:06.130
Leonard was going to be their new teacher.

00:40:06.240 --> 00:40:08.860
And everyone liked that teacher.

00:40:09.500 --> 00:40:12.100
She was always warm, glowing, inviting to the kids.

00:40:12.520 --> 00:40:14.800
And Mary especially just loved her new teacher.

00:40:16.860 --> 00:40:20.820
One of the problems that Mary had also with her facial deformity was she was partially deaf.

00:40:20.820 --> 00:40:21.820
In one ear and one of the.

00:40:22.280 --> 00:40:29.180
In the 1950s, when Mary was in school, one of the things that teachers would have to do was to give their children a hearing test.

00:40:30.800 --> 00:40:37.820
And Mary always hated that hearing test, because she knew that if kids found out, she couldn't hear out of one of her ears that they would begin to make fun of

00:40:37.820 --> 00:40:38.370
her.

00:40:39.560 --> 00:40:46.620
And the rules of the test were you would have to go stand outside, and the teacher would invite you in, and you would go in and stand next to her desk, and you were to stick your finger in one

00:40:46.620 --> 00:40:52.170
of your ears, and the teacher would whisper something in your other ear that was open, and you had to repeat what the teacher said back to you.

00:40:52.260 --> 00:40:53.620
And Mary came up with a plan this time.

00:40:55.040 --> 00:41:02.120
And Mary, who had no friends at school, who was just ashamed as a person, always looking down in conversation, her name was called with great

00:41:02.120 --> 00:41:02.570
embarrassment.

00:41:03.100 --> 00:41:09.780
Building up in her heart, she walked into this classroom and she stood sideways at the teacher's desk and she just pretended to cover her ear.

00:41:10.760 --> 00:41:14.560
And she just hoping to God that she could hear what the teacher was about to say.

00:41:14.580 --> 00:41:18.440
That way she could whisper it, and none of the children would make fun of her, of which Mrs.

00:41:18.560 --> 00:41:23.340
Leonard leaned down, and she just whispered into Mary's ear something that would change her life forever.

00:41:24.700 --> 00:41:28.160
She said, Mary, I wish that you were my daughter.

00:41:31.140 --> 00:41:38.340
Those words of grace ministered in the heart that needed love brought

00:41:38.480 --> 00:41:40.100
change for Mary.

00:41:41.540 --> 00:41:48.560
And I think in our society, we're so good at criticism and the negative, but we're not good at

00:41:48.620 --> 00:41:49.060
building up.

00:41:50.940 --> 00:41:57.960
You think all across the country there are counseling sessions taking place of young children who are going into offices who were just defeated, who

00:41:57.960 --> 00:42:05.020
have no esteem, have no identity, no acceptance from their parents, from their parents, because they've never heard just special words like

00:42:05.020 --> 00:42:06.830
that Mary was able to hear from her teacher.

00:42:08.820 --> 00:42:16.060
If we didn't grow up in homes that were regularly building us up, maybe we ourselves have developed habits that aren't encouraging towards one

00:42:16.060 --> 00:42:17.160
another.

00:42:17.980 --> 00:42:25.040
If you need to understand as dads even thinking about encouragement that you need to bring your kids, or as mothers needing to

00:42:25.080 --> 00:42:32.200
bring your kids, how about this every once in a while, taking the time to say, I'm proud of you, or you did it, or I knew you could did

00:42:32.200 --> 00:42:33.320
it or you could do it.

00:42:33.420 --> 00:42:33.780
Excuse me.

00:42:33.780 --> 00:42:35.080
Or what a good helper you are.

00:42:36.240 --> 00:42:39.940
You're very special, I trust you.

00:42:40.080 --> 00:42:42.460
That's so creative, man.

00:42:42.460 --> 00:42:43.480
You made my day.

00:42:44.860 --> 00:42:48.500
What the Bible is interested is that we begin to build one another up.

00:42:54.080 --> 00:42:58.160
By building up with each other, we also need to take the time to invite Christ to be a part.

00:43:00.580 --> 00:43:02.920
You think about how we can even build one another up in prayer.

00:43:05.600 --> 00:43:07.380
Maybe I should ask parents how often?

00:43:08.300 --> 00:43:09.570
How often do you pray for your spouse?

00:43:11.880 --> 00:43:15.280
Are you building them up before the Lord or your kids?

00:43:17.340 --> 00:43:19.680
God's desire for us is to build one another up.

00:43:19.680 --> 00:43:22.940
Let me quickly zip through these last two points for us.

00:43:23.880 --> 00:43:24.700
God's desire as well.

00:43:25.420 --> 00:43:27.700
And we see this all through the book of Ephesians chapter four.

00:43:27.700 --> 00:43:34.680
Let me encourage you when the sermon is over today, if you want some direction for your family and how to pursue a relationship together, read Ephesians four.

00:43:36.200 --> 00:43:41.960
Sit down with your family in a circle and just read the passage and say, listen, God has given us a goal for the way to communicate.

00:43:42.120 --> 00:43:44.600
It was so shocking to me when I saw this in Scripture.

00:43:44.960 --> 00:43:50.160
It's like God came into my life and God saved me, and I have a relationship with God, and now I just kind of figure things out on my own.

00:43:50.540 --> 00:43:56.880
Now, God gave us sort of a template of understanding of how he wants to communicate our lives with other people, and he wrote it in Ephesians four.

00:43:58.300 --> 00:44:01.120
This is how we should live among one another as a family.

00:44:01.300 --> 00:44:01.970
This is our goal.

00:44:02.020 --> 00:44:04.100
Now we have a goal in our communication.

00:44:04.460 --> 00:44:05.440
It's Ephesians four.

00:44:05.740 --> 00:44:12.900
If anyone ever says anything contrary to what Ephesians four says, we stand up and say, hey, I hear what you're saying, but I just don't think that it was quite

00:44:12.900 --> 00:44:13.320
the way.

00:44:13.980 --> 00:44:15.280
Maybe you didn't express it the way that God desires.

00:44:15.760 --> 00:44:18.540
Here, look in I didn't even click over.

00:44:20.540 --> 00:44:22.060
Look what God says in verse 31.

00:44:24.080 --> 00:44:24.990
Have a goal for communicating.

00:44:25.300 --> 00:44:31.320
It says in 31, let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with malice.

00:44:32.960 --> 00:44:39.690
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you.

00:44:42.550 --> 00:44:46.890
Here's what God doesn't want us to do in verse 31, but here's what God wants us to carry.

00:44:48.820 --> 00:44:49.740
You know, Paul is talking.

00:44:49.840 --> 00:44:54.220
Let me remind you, to a group of people who are fighting with one another, Jew and Gentile.

00:44:55.720 --> 00:45:01.200
And he's saying to them in the midst of that argument, guys, here's what you need to bring in, and it's going to begin to solve problems.

00:45:01.380 --> 00:45:03.070
It's just a tenderheartedness.

00:45:04.400 --> 00:45:06.960
Here's what you need to do, not let resentment just build up.

00:45:06.960 --> 00:45:08.180
Bring forgiveness.

00:45:10.280 --> 00:45:13.820
Think about that in context of your relationship with God.

00:45:13.980 --> 00:45:21.140
The Bible tells us that we were enemies with God, yet Jesus came into this world, and while we were yet sinners, it says Christ died for us, meaning we've

00:45:21.220 --> 00:45:24.520
done nothing to earn his favor.

00:45:24.860 --> 00:45:29.680
But yet when God brought his love into our lives, it brought us into relationship with him.

00:45:29.740 --> 00:45:33.200
If we've just accepted and come to him in repentance of what he's done on the cross.

00:45:35.890 --> 00:45:41.660
Think about your family in the middle of all the arguments, when it seems like it's impossible.

00:45:42.000 --> 00:45:44.360
And at the very least, I've just got to walk away a winner.

00:45:44.740 --> 00:45:46.960
Paul is saying, don't worry about who's going to win.

00:45:46.960 --> 00:45:48.560
Bring this attitude in your family.

00:45:49.040 --> 00:45:56.140
Jesus's love demonstrated to you that when only one side of the argument had the crystal clear perspective on what life was all about, and the other side was arguing when

00:45:56.300 --> 00:45:59.460
love came in through that one person, it reconciled relationships.

00:46:02.000 --> 00:46:04.120
And so he communicates that to us.

00:46:05.980 --> 00:46:11.960
In every argument, there are really two sides to an argument, or two perspectives of an argument.

00:46:13.340 --> 00:46:16.000
One is attitude and the other is the issue.

00:46:18.220 --> 00:46:25.800
If we could learn to handle the attitudes, we can solve the issues better according to God's will.

00:46:27.860 --> 00:46:35.140
This verse says to us, check your attitude or in the in the quotes of the famous 80s rapper.

00:46:35.480 --> 00:46:37.410
Check yourself before you wreck yourself, right?

00:46:39.280 --> 00:46:40.990
I am, I'm on a roll of cheesiness today.

00:46:41.160 --> 00:46:48.620
On the what God desires for us in our relationship is to put away bitterness,

00:46:49.440 --> 00:46:50.840
but experience his grace and love.

00:46:51.480 --> 00:46:56.640
And Ephesians really helps us as a family to gather a goal in communicating with one another.

00:46:58.100 --> 00:47:05.240
In verse five or excuse me, chapter five and verse one, God's encouragement for us

00:47:05.240 --> 00:47:06.700
is to think corporately, not individually.

00:47:08.740 --> 00:47:15.740
And one of the reasons we argue a lot, if we do argue at all in our relationships, especially at home is because we've got our own

00:47:15.740 --> 00:47:19.140
agendas and we try to force that agenda on each other.

00:47:19.640 --> 00:47:21.810
And sometimes it's not even according to what God's will is.

00:47:23.100 --> 00:47:28.410
But Jesus recognized this force in chapter five and verse one that we need to begin to think corporately, not as individuals.

00:47:29.880 --> 00:47:33.040
He says, therefore be imitators of God as beloved children.

00:47:33.580 --> 00:47:39.200
As a group, together, corporately imitate Jesus and walk in love.

00:47:39.480 --> 00:47:45.820
There he is concerned with your walk again, just as Christ also loved you and gave himself up for us.

00:47:49.910 --> 00:47:51.710
It's about the needs of the family.

00:47:53.120 --> 00:47:58.690
It's about what God wants to do in the corporation of the entire relationship of us.

00:48:00.320 --> 00:48:00.800
And look what it says.

00:48:01.240 --> 00:48:02.840
And this is the beautiful part of this whole passage.

00:48:03.060 --> 00:48:06.800
You know, I see chapter five and verse one and two, it really needs to be included with chapter four.

00:48:08.280 --> 00:48:10.400
And he says, because Jesus, this was Jesus's pursuit.

00:48:10.900 --> 00:48:13.060
It's our example, it's Jesus's pursuit.

00:48:13.060 --> 00:48:15.560
But look what it says about Jesus's life at the very end.

00:48:16.180 --> 00:48:21.520
It says he became an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.

00:48:24.480 --> 00:48:28.620
You want to think about what I'm after in this life to God?

00:48:30.100 --> 00:48:32.510
The most important relationship that we could have.

00:48:33.100 --> 00:48:35.600
I just want them to find my life pleasing to him.

00:48:38.480 --> 00:48:45.460
God talks about in this passage of Scripture that when Christ laid himself down, it was such a beautiful aroma.

00:48:47.560 --> 00:48:54.620
I can't help but think, even in our families and everyone else may have a different goal, and everyone else may not understand completely what

00:48:54.620 --> 00:48:55.180
truth is.

00:48:55.340 --> 00:49:03.840
But as God begins to work in you, and you begin to live that in your family and share that with your family, God

00:49:03.840 --> 00:49:05.080
will begin to change them.

00:49:05.980 --> 00:49:13.280
And God, as God begins to change him and they see someone who cares about their interests, who loves them, who doesn't carry anger,

00:49:13.280 --> 00:49:20.470
who has forgiveness and is tender hearted, seeking after them when they bring that into a relationship, even to their own family,

00:49:20.700 --> 00:49:21.000
you know what?

00:49:21.020 --> 00:49:24.420
They become a fragrant aroma.

00:49:27.420 --> 00:49:28.280
I have this friend.

00:49:29.700 --> 00:49:34.360
He went to war and came back and I hadn't met him at this point.

00:49:34.360 --> 00:49:37.180
I'd only met his wife and he went off to war and came back.

00:49:37.200 --> 00:49:44.340
And I was expecting, like, I don't know how everybody comes back from war, but when you come back, there's you're going to be thinking a little different, and you're going to be probably

00:49:44.340 --> 00:49:45.330
a little rough on the edges.

00:49:45.460 --> 00:49:52.250
I don't I don't know what he was involved in over there, but man, he came back and he was the he's the nicest guy I've ever met.

00:49:52.520 --> 00:49:56.580
In fact, we went out to dinner a couple times and we got to know him and have a relationship with him.

00:49:57.020 --> 00:50:03.790
I come to find out he was so nice that we couldn't keep people from coming and sitting around him, because he was such an encouragement to be around.

00:50:04.560 --> 00:50:10.840
I mean, he made you when you walked away feel good about yourself, even if you were the worst of sinners and you just wanted to be better just because he encouraged you.

00:50:10.840 --> 00:50:11.020
So much.

00:50:14.460 --> 00:50:16.620
That's what God desires for your family.

00:50:18.670 --> 00:50:20.050
God's not okay with sin.

00:50:21.720 --> 00:50:23.000
God's not okay with division.

00:50:24.740 --> 00:50:29.220
And we shouldn't settle that among our own families.

00:50:29.220 --> 00:50:31.420
We shouldn't let bygones be bygones and just say, hey, it's okay.

00:50:31.420 --> 00:50:32.720
Let's just all live our lives separately.

00:50:33.140 --> 00:50:37.640
Because what God desires for us is to begin to change us through the lives of one another.

00:50:38.060 --> 00:50:43.310
And you know, there is no better way to live for Jesus than in relationships with other people.

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Because as we find the tension and rubbing raw with one another, we think about the way that God came into our lives when we rubbed him wrong.

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We brought sin forth, and yet he still died for us.

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And it teaches us to be sacrificial just like that, to be grace loving just like that, and to begin to die to self.

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That God may begin to work in their hearts and in so doing would become a fragrant aroma.

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Let's close in a word of prayer